[Naisu]

I was in a 2 year releationship and everything was going great until she moved to be closer to her sisters about 45 minutes away from me by train. It wasn't a big deal because we weren't living together when she moved, so I was used to doing some travelling to see her. This was back in March.

Anyway as a few weeks passed, everything as far as I knew was fine and she was settling in, she contacted me by phone and told me that she thought it best that I let her go and that things wouldn't work out between us. I was pretty shocked and tried to fight as best as I could for her but in the end we both agreed that if that's what she wanted and believed we should do our best to move on.

Well about 2am in the morning that night she rang me up in tears claiming how deeply she loved me and how she couldn't live without me and how she would come bang my door down if I didn't answer, then she said she's going to be completely honest with me and that she had kissed another guy who she had met in her new village. I was a little shocked at this but I did want to be with her and a kiss was something I could easily let go and forgive and she was so relieved. So we were back on.

Fast forward 4 days and she contacts me again and says she needs to find herself again and that she needs to be single. This time I had difficulty accepting things because of how she claimed to be so deeply in love with me just a few days ago.

Anyway, 3 weeks passed without me contacting her and feeling rather weak after being to the dentist and having two wisdom teeth extracted I left her a message asking how she was, but later I realised it was wrong of me to do that and left another message saying sorry and that I had to take away the temptation to contact her and only way I could do that was by deleting all her contact details which I did and that was 2 weeks ago.

Just wondering what you guys make of all of this? As I'm still a little confused and not sure if she left me for this other guy or if she will ever contact me again. What do you guys think? And what do you think I should do?

Thanks in advance for any help.

[ylaira]

Did she mention any problem or issues? Whether she left you for the other man or she just wants peace, the bottom line is SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU AROUND. Give it a break. Let your gums heal.

[A4Effort]

Here is what you need to do. Focus on yourself. Do things that make you happy. Do not contact her or feel like you need to fix things. She wants to explore different avenues and you can't change her mind. Let her go and live your life. It is very hard to get over this, especially when she teased you by saying she is madly in love with you. If she was in love with you than she would have not kissed another guy or told you that she need to go out and explore.

Also by showing her that you do not need her (using the No Contact rule) she will see that you are a strong individual. She will see what she is missing.

[Naisu]

Thanks for the replies guys, I know I have to let her go I always respected her wishes and that's why I forced myself to delete all her contact details and now I have no way to contact her again.

It was just a shock to the system really, we always communicated really well with each other, we always respected eachothers space, we hardly ever fought and had an amazing time when we did things together whether it was going away or just chilling in front of a TV movie.

I guess things don't last forever and its something I have to learn :)

[I wish]

There isn't much you can do anymore. You made your moves, now it's up to her if she wants to contact you. You can't force someone to talk to you if they don't want to. Focus on moving on.

Even if she gets back with you, who knows when she'll have another outbreak and want to break up again. She's clearly very confused about her feelings. Just give her space and let her find yourself.

Continue with the no contact and the healing process. Keep fighting the urge to contact her. Remember, every time you give in to the urges, all the progress you made in her recovery gets restarted.

[talaniman]

What do you guys think?
Leave her alone to be single, and find herself.
And what do you think I should do?
Build a life that you enjoy, without her. The options, and opportunities, are endless.

[Naisu]

Its been awhile now and I thought I would give an update on what happened and ask you guys what you think. Shortly after the breakup we ended up talking on the phone, I know I broke the no contact rules things but it seems that people need to kick themselves in the delicates a few times before the message sinks in. Anyway, it turns out she did meet someone else, someone who she says in her words are "Unvbelievably like you are" then we ended up leaving things on not so good terms because I was mad saying she lied because the reason she gave me for breaking up was she wanted to be single to find herself.

Well things moved on managed to go no contact for 7 weeks after that and then I conned myelf into contacting her believing I'm doing this to put things right between us and clear the air, but looking at it I did it because I wanted to try and get back with her again I know a BIG mistake.

The problem I always had with moving on from her was the fact she would never say gooodbye to me and no matter how much I asked her to she would never say she didn't love me anymore and that's what always kept me guessig that she still loved me to some degree. Well just over an hour ago I finnaly got her to say goodbye and to say she didn't feel anything for me anymore.

I finally feel free of the whole wretched siituaton but I find myself wondering why couldn't she just say the things I wanted to hear such as she's moved on and doesn't feel anything for me anymore? Because I would have dealt with this whole thing so much better instead of my mind constantly saying she still loves me because she won't admit she doesn't.

I know a lot of you say well her actions proved she didn't love me and you are all right of course but when you are so involved with someone its hard to see what's in front of you and that's why I don't understand why she just couldn't say she felt nothing for me at all along time ago.

Sorry for the ramble, just curious as to why the person who breaks up with you is never completely straight with you when you ask them to be so you can move on easier.

[s_cianci]

You're doing the right thing so far. Continue to have no contact with her. If she contacts you, don't respond. You need to move on with your life. She will not be a part of it and whatever you had between you is now over.

[talaniman]

Just as you need time to process feelings without her, so to does she. When the emotional dust had settled, she was able to tell you.

Sometimes we learn life lessons the hard way, and your not alone in that.

[Naisu]

Thanks for your comments guys but I have to say getting her to say she doesn't feel anything for me was like getting blood out of a stone. Every time I kept bringing it up which I did repeatedly in a short period, she just avoided it or skirted around it. Actually throughout the whole breakup contact we had it seemed like she didn't want to take responsibility for her decision and let me do all the ending of it.

Not sure how long her new relationship will last with the clone of me but ah well that's her life. Just glad to finally feel free from her.

Thanks for the help and this website has been a great help to me throughout the whole thing.

[talaniman]

You didn't have to go through that big mess at the end. Your own need to make her say what you wanted to hear is what led you on. Not her.

[Naisu]

I know your right, its just I had to hear those words for some reason and I just couldn't help but feel her refusal to do so was a sign that she still cared, my own self false hope generator. I did explain that to her from the beginning until the end but still she wouldn't put me out of my misery.

That's what confused me because if the situation was reversed I would have said it a long time ago. She had jumped into a new relationship before ours even ended and she didn't have any issues about covering it up and pretending she needed space, all she had to do was be completely straight with me. Not much to ask I think.

All that matters to me now is I am just relieved its all over and in the past now, I have learnt my lessons and I'm hell of a lot fitter than I was with all the exercise I'm doing.

[Naisu]

I just get the feeling with hindsight that she always wanted to keep the door open a little with me just in case something happened she always had me to fallback on.

[paxe]

I was in the same predicament, wanting my ex to give me closure as I was too weak to give myself closure. She also went with another guy before our relationship ended ( I only see a pattern of ex-g/f going to other guys ). She was playing yo-yo with me but at least she wasn't playing too much with you. The closure is given by yourself and your brain must tell you it's finished. Only then you will heal.

[talaniman]

The life lesson is not depending on the actions of others to give you what you want, get it for yourself. You have to make your decisions based on facts, and not just feelings.

[Naisu]

talaniman, you are absolutely right, I am ready now for what tomorrow brings in my life. What's done is done and I am excited about what's around the corner now. Big thanks to you all and this website for straightening my head out. Its much appreciated and will always be remembered.