[joeysecurity]

Got a problem, my girlfriend and I haven't had sex in 2months, I try and talk to her and she starts shouting saying she doesn't want to have sex with someone who is not conifident...

[Fr_Chuck]

So are you not confidenent ? If no why, have you had issues ?

[joeysecurity]

so are you not confidenent ? if no why, have you had issues ?

Not really, we were find when we 1st got together... so don't know why it has changed al of a sudden.. she says she loves me and still wants to be with me and our relationship is great apart from this problem

[joeysecurity]

She say I keep asking for reasurance but its because I get the impression she doenst want to...

[Fr_Chuck]

Then be bold, don't ask, in fact you never "ask" even if it is not great, between two people who are in love will never really care.

You ask them what they like, you tell the other what you like that is what lovers do

[joeysecurity]

I don't ask its just got to the point now where I'm scared to even touch her... every night she turns her back to me.. I ask her to roll over for a second, she asks why and I say I just want to give you a hug before you go to sleep.. then she has a go saying I'm asking, but I have to in some ways because she has always got her back to me. If I didn't then I wouldn't even get a hug..
Tried to talk to her saying I feel rejected and wary and just ended in an argument

[Silverfoxkit]

You may really just need to sit down in a non-intimate fashion and try and have a real heart to heart with her and explain that her actions are what cause your insecurities. She seems like she might even be dealing with insecurities of her own.

[joeysecurity]

I've have tried so many times. But its like when I try and talk about it or something she don't like talking about it turns into an argument...

Ive been totally honest with her about how it makes me feel and all she can say is because she is not attracted to me sexual because I'm not confiendent.. but I say we were fine up until 2 months ago, she replyed and said yes you were confident then.. can't understand what has changed..

[Silverfoxkit]

I'm no psychologist but it really seems that perhaps you are becoming a scapegoat for her own problems. There seems to be something more to this issue then what it is hidden behind.

[joeysecurity]

Well I did ask if there was someone else etc but I believe her when she says no.. For one thing she doesn't have time because she is a workaholic...

The lack of attention and love is really depressing me and she doesn't even can how it is making me feel...

[liz28]

If she is not throwing out excuses just to not have sex with you, it sounds like she wants you to take charge.

Females, well me, like affection and loves to feel wanted. Instead of asking her for a hug at night just hug her. If her back is facing you while the two of you are in bed simply wrap your arms around her instead of asking. Now if she gets mad at you by doing this then something else besides you is eating her up.

Since she won't be more clearer to you instead of you playing the guessing game then I don't know how this relationship can continue.

[talaniman]

Less talk, more action. There are other ways to communicate with a partner than just verbally.

Liz's idea is a good one, don't ask for a hug, just hug her. Don't ask for sex, just start the foreplay.

This requires you to pay more attention to your partner, and handling your own feelings of rejection, and insecurity, in a more positive way, because your own feelings are coming across like those of a child, to her.

When a female tells you to be confident, take it as be a man, not a child. She is not ignoring your feelings, just telling you how to express them to her, and not be so sensitive.

Next time she turns her back to you, hug her from behind, and nuzzle her neck. Then tell her goodnight.