[wonked]

My mom has been dating a married man for the past year who lives in another province, which is about 12 hours away. She sees nothing wrong with dating a man who is married and brags about it every chance she gets. I can't even talk to her all she talks about is him. It gets worse as the months go by. She tells me EVERY detail of their relationship, she doesn't only tell me, anyone who will listen has to hear it. Her friends seem to support her. She'll call me at least once a day and tell me what she texted him at what time and what he texted back at what time, all word for word. I don't even respond when she talks to me about him yet she keeps blabbing on. I don't want to be too rude to her I just don't know what to say. I've told her I don't agree with what she's doing and I'm uncomfortable knowing every detail of their relationship, but she still talks about him constantly and that is an understatement. She's obsessed, she needs to know where he is at every second of the day, if he's free to talk to her she drops everything to talk to him. I recently had my first child and she was out of town visiting him, because it was the only time he could get to see her in January, I really wanted my mom with me during the delivery, but she's made it clear that he's more important than her family. She's 45, I'm 22 my sisters are 20 and 18 and all we hear about is HIM . He has an office in the city nearest to where my mom lives so they meet there and she gets to see him in the evening when he's done work, so she goes for 3 days and sees him for about 10 hours, what kind of relationship is that? These trips happen about every 2 months. She talks about his wife all the time, speculating on what she thinks she looks like and how she must be a horrible person if her husband cheats on her. Everyday there is some type of drama going on between my mom and him, mostly she thinks that he's cheating on her. There's so many things I could say about this My mother is demented and obsessive how do I deal with her?

[Jake2008]

It feels like an emotional assault doesn't it. She keeps going on and on whether you want to hear it or not.

The only thing you can do is control what you are willing to listen to. If you keep silent and just keep on letting her brag, then you only have yourself to blame.

Just be straight with her. Tell her you want nothing to do with her boyfriend, and you do not want to hear anything about him, and you don't want to talk about him, or her relationship with him.

The hard part will be following through. If she calls and starts up, tell her, sorry, I don't want to hear about it. If she keeps on, say it again. If she doesn't change the subject, interrupt her, tell her you have to go, and then hang up.

Family gatherings might be more difficult because your sisters may not be strong enough to stop her. If you have to, leave the room, don't get suckered into any debates or conversations about the boyfriend. Remain totally in control, and neutral.

That way you are not alienating your mother, but simply stopping these 'assaults'. You'll feel much better when you are in charge of what comes at you, rather than the other way around.

[N0help4u]

You might just have to be blunt and tell her that she is sounding like an obsessed school girl.
You may just have to back off and let her have more time without you in her life so that she can see that she is putting too much stock in him. Like back off and don't be there to hear her every story, in fact tell her that you do not even want to hear the stories at all because you do not support her lifestyle.

[twinkiedooter]

When she calls make an excuse that you have to hang up as you are entertaining guests, just leaving the house, make up any excuse and just get off the phone as quickly as possible. Maybe when she keeps calling and you are not available to chat with her, she may just get the hint and stop calling you as much.

Just a quick, "Oh hi mom, sorry but I've got to make this short, but I really have to go right now". Then you should not feel guilty as you did speak with her, but didn't get beaten up by her blow by blow nonsense.

[artlady]

She talks about his wife all the time, speculating on what she thinks she looks like and how she must be a horrible person if her husband cheats on her. Everyday there is some type of drama going on between my mom and him, mostly she thinks that he's cheating on her. There's so many things I could say about this My mother is demented and obsessive how do I deal with her?

She talks about the wife being horrible.What about the husband who is cheating on the wife? Is he not horrible for being a cheater?

Mom thinks he is cheating on her,well duh he's married ,he is with his wife and I can bet you he is having sex with her as well.

It sounds like the tables are turned and your Mom is the child here.

I would tell her,Mom ,I don't want to hear about your affair anymore,I think it is immoral and I refuse to listen.If you can't think of anything else to talk about,I'm ending this conversation.
And then do so.
She is acting like a love sick teenager.

[liz28]

I must say that your mother has no shame in her game. Dating a married man isn't something to brag about.

Your mom might think she is wining or this guy is the best man on this planet but he isn't. She's going see that when he trade her in for a new play thing.

Her priorities are really screwed and her common sense went out the window a longl long time ago along with her morals.

You need to set boundaries and stick by them. If she doesn't listen than maybe you should start ignoring some of her phone calls. Your mom nose is all wide open and soon her fantasy world is going start crashing down.

I sorry your mom is doing this and really should know better but some people have to learn things the hard way.