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adiudi · Apr 2, 2009, 02:11 PM

I met my fiancée in 06 and we got engaged in 07 and been living in since. We've had our share of fights but great times too. We postponed our wedding 3 times since 07 due to our & family issues.
I lost my job in 09 and in feb09 she said she wants to move out to figure things out and is not ready for marriage. She says she needs space and time to figure out how she really feels. But she does not want me to wait as there is no guarantee of anything changing.

Initially I was very upset didn't talk to her for 2 weeks and took a vacation to south america. On returning I spoke to her and said we should try to work out things instead of breaking up. We have had about 2-3 discussions and she didn't seem to want anything but a break.
The funny thing is since Jan 09 we have not had a single argument or fight. I was being extra nice to her since I lost the job. I put no pressure on her at all as I'm financially healthy. Ive tried to talk to her but she is adamant on wanting to split.
Last week I told her that I respect her decision and would like to end on a positive note. I'm being very cool, easy going and nice. Surprisingly two days back she came back from work (as we still have about 15 days for her to move out) and let me give her a massage. The following morning she gave me a hug for being so understanding. The same evening she called me to he room and asked for a hug. We ended up making love twice that night. However in the morning she got up and left for work very normally telling me she will be staying out with a friend and return the day after. I'm totally confused!!
I really want her back but don't know what should I be doing!

talaniman · Apr 2, 2009, 05:00 PM

I think that was her whole point. Keep you confused, and not know what to really do. She was very successful, so its you who needs a course of action that is realistic, and workable. She wants to leave let her, but that nicey, nicey bf/gf stuff is over. She either commits or leaves. No mind games, so stay out of her bed, and don't let yourself be seduced, or confused. I also think there is more to this story.

Who postponed this wedding, and why specifically?? 3 times? That's a bit much, but there has to be a good reason. Love to hear it.

adiudi · Apr 2, 2009, 08:19 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I think that was her whole point. Keep you confused, and not know what to really do. She was very successful, so its you who needs a course of action that is realistic, and workable. She wants to leave let her, but that nicey, nicey bf/gf stuff is over. She either commits or leaves. No mind games, so stay out of her bed, and don't let yourself be seduced, or confused. I also think there is more to this story.

Who postponed this wedding, and why specifically??? 3 times? Thats a bit much, but there has to be a good reason. Love to hear it.

Well we got engaged in jun 07. I postponed the dec 07 wedding because of settling issues (moved to a different country and started living in with her, new job etc etc). Then its been her because of our parents issues that crept up tpo issues between us. However since Jan09 I've been a different person, extra caring very affectionate and trying to fight my job situation without any stress on her. We did have arguments over our family differences etc but that had seemed to subside. Her father was not very pro the wedding anymore and I knew he was constantly (subtly) brainwashing her. But again since beginning of this year our relationship was getting better... she threw a bomb on me!!

talaniman · Apr 3, 2009, 06:51 AM

She has been thinking about it a long time it seems, and was finally prepared to let you in, on her thinking.

Back off, and let her go, as there are a lot of obstacles in the way of you both being happy together, but the one that stands out, she is no longer willing to work with you, and wants to do something else. Let her.

She had sex, to keep you confused, and stir up the feelings she knows you have for her.

Not good. Sex won't solve your differences, nor is it a signal, she has a change of heart.

But it does put something on your mind, and makes sure your miserable.

I wish · Apr 3, 2009, 08:06 AM

I know you still love her, but like Talaminan said (have to spread rep), there are TOO MANY obstacles for you two to be happy together. Things are not going to go back to the way they were.

I think postponing the wedding SO MANY times is another reason she has so many doubts. If you were in strong couple, you would already be married. Everything else are just excuses.

I think it's better to move on with your life.

liz28 · Apr 3, 2009, 08:32 AM

If she is so confuse than let her sort out her confusion--without you. She can't want to be on a break but still do the things that the two of you do as a couple. That is giving you false hope and playing with your emotions at the same time and you shouldn't let her.

I know you love her but sometimes when you love someone you have to let them go by setting them free. All this on today, not tomorrow will only keep you stuck in a dead end relationship.

When two people love each other they work together through the good and bad as a team. They don't leave or ask for a break. But she does it because she knows she can and ultimately you just going sit around waiting for her.

Don't let your feelings for her interfere with your common sense.