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Caroljj90 · Mar 31, 2009, 06:15 PM

OK I have an anxiety issues but that being said I'm on meds for it... ok so I have this boyfriend he is great and I think I really love him but... some of his... fetishes and things he says scare me.. I'm not sure if this is something I should worry about or.. am I just over thinking things.. or is it that I'm uncomfortable with my on sexual interests and so hearing about his also make me unnerved... help?

Well I guess I should explain my boyfriend likes furry henti for those of you who don't know what that is its half animal half human cartoon things.. he also likes bondage, knife play*not sure what he means by that*, all kinds of anime *e.g. tentacle rape*, lactating women, pregnant women, and I'm sure there's more.. now he says he'd never make me do anything I was uncomfortable with but when he gets horny he kind of acts different... he says stuff he wouldn't normally and I just don't like it..

I have been raped and molested in the past so certain things men say/do really bug me like the whispering dirty things in my ear really bugs me...

mudweiser · Mar 31, 2009, 06:20 PM

Have you expressed these feelings or thoughts to your boyfriend, if so you need to. Does he know about your past? If he doesn't I believe you should tell him so he'd understand better.

You could also try going to a sex therapist or couple's councilor with him.

Try researching some of these fetishes, maybe a little more education will motivate you to try it [the stuff you feel more comfortable with of course]. For example, if he likes the whole dress up in costumes, go get some bunny ears and a tail and play along- exploring a new sexual world is always fun.

MRS.S

Caroljj90 · Mar 31, 2009, 06:23 PM

Yes I've told him of my past.. and I'm waiting to get in to counseling.. I haven't yet told him the issues I have with his behavior yet... I thought I was just being paranoid and it would go away...

Fr_Chuck · Mar 31, 2009, 06:49 PM

Every one has sexual interest and many fall I guess under fetishes, so I will not judge your boyfriend, the issue is, that a couple dating, need to discuss these, and if they are not a match, learn that before you invest too much time. That is why you date.

Jake2008 · Mar 31, 2009, 10:47 PM

If you aren't comfortable with his sexual needs, then you aren't comfortable with them. He has been upfront about his preferences, for lack of a better word, and his sexual needs may exceed that which you are not comfortable to satisfy.

There is no fault in that.

While you may at some point decide to include to some extent, some of what he likes, you should not do anything you are uncomfortable doing. And on the other hand, if you are not willing to participate in bondage, knifing etc. can he adapt to you, and your sexual needs.

I am not judging your boyfriend either. What concerns me is that you will think of yourself as being somehow deficient or selfish because you don't go along with what he likes.

I don't think you need to offer any reasons you may decide that type of sexual activity is not for you, any more than he should explain why he's decided that he needs this for himself. It either is, or it isn't, right for the relationship.

My own opinion here is the key to comfortable ground may be counselling, but it should be for the both of you, together.

Caroljj90 · Mar 31, 2009, 11:31 PM

... I think my anxiety just got the best of me he hasn't asked me to do anything I'm uncomfortable with yet.. but we are going camping soon and he wants to try stuff on this camping trip I'm sure it will be fine... I'm just nervous