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none12345 · Mar 29, 2009, 09:27 PM

Hey guy today I've finally decided to move on from my first love if you haven't read about my situation. I've learned that it was pointless for me to fight for my love for her and I won't even want her back now anymore, never again. She's changed and wasn't the same person I fell in love with. I gave her everything and she just took it and left me for some other guy. I thought she was loyal and appreciated me but now I saw she would throw me out just like that.

I've been in Nc with her for a while now and it still hurts from time to time. The thing is I'm not sure what to do now? What should you do after you've decided to move on from a relationship? Truth is I'm kind of scared of the future and what it has to bring now. Im scared I'm not going to be able to love again or I might just end up by myself and never finding a love I would spend my life with and all. I know that I shouldn't worry about that and just live my life but I would like someone to love and to love me back and appreciates me. What if I never find a love again?

itried · Mar 29, 2009, 10:01 PM

I know what you're going through and I too have felt the same way about things after I broke up with my long term ex. After a while, you're going to realize how silly it was for you to even think the things you're thinking right now.

What you do now is go on with your life in the best way you can think of. Do the things you couldn't do when you were with her. Re-assess your long term goals. And now that you have this freedom take advantage of it. This time now belongs to you, so use it wisely.

destiny_b · Mar 29, 2009, 10:59 PM

I'm in the exact situation as you my friend.I broke up from a long term relationship about 3 and half months ago and this time I have been NC.she left me for another guy just like your ex did to you. It hurts getting betrayed by a person who you love and think is loyal and honest, really hurts.and getting dumped for ANOTHER GUY makes it hurt more.
About your question.I think its not the end for us.it is sure that we are going to find someone we love and loves us the same way, someone who really cares, not 22 year old virgins like my ex who turned into a bittch in a short period.it is sure man that you will find a good girl.by the way how is your NC going?how long have you been NC?

kctiger · Mar 30, 2009, 05:50 AM

Life is too short to worry. The best thing you can do after a break up, especially with your first love, is just ENJOY. Don't look for anything, don't expect anything, and don't worry about ANYTHING, especially love. Did you go "looking" for your first love? I doubt it. Life has a funny way of just making things happen, usually when we least expect it. If you spend the entire time looking or worrying about finding something, odds are you will miss whatever is right in front of your face.

Have fun, make friends, and enjoy the new found freedom you have. Just be yourself, and let whatever comes your way happen!

I wish · Mar 30, 2009, 06:28 AM

It's funny how after a break up, we are single and we can talk to anyone we want... but at the same time, we feel that there's no one out there for us.

I think part of the reason we would feel so discouraged is because after a painful breakup, our expectations increases because we do not want to get hurt like that again.

Being single gives you more time to talk to your old friends and catch up, which is great. At the same time it's like holding on to the past when you see your friends starting to settle with their lives.

I think that making new friends is really important. It definitely eases the lonely feelings and can give hope that there's a brighter future.

none12345 · Mar 30, 2009, 06:34 AM

Originally Posted by destiny_b

im in the exact situation as you my friend.i broke up from a long term relationship about 3 and half months ago and this time i have been NC.she left me for another guy just like your ex did to you. it hurts getting betrayed by a person who you love and think is loyal and honest, really hurts.and getting dumped for ANOTHER GUY makes it hurt more.
about your question.i think its not the end for us.it is sure that we are going to find someone we love and loves us the same way, someone who really cares, not 22 year old virgins like my ex who turned into a bittch in a short period of time.it is sure man that you will find a good girl.by the way how is your NC going?how long have you been NC?

Hey destiny_b watsup? Lol yah I've been in NC for like 2 weeks now. It does hurt man. Yah I was about to fight for her but than I see how stupid it was after how horrible she treated me. Don't get me wrong I still think about her occasionally but I feel stronger now but not I don't feel completely moved on yet but I think I'm close to there. I know both me and your ex changed to someone who we didn't fall in love with neh? I gave her everything and she toook it all and left me with nothing what a bittch.. I finally see the truth now. My NC is going fine I'm taking it one day at a time. How about you? How's your nc coming? What's your story? =P Just wonderingz

none12345 · Mar 30, 2009, 06:38 AM

Originally Posted by I wish

It's funny how after a break up, we are single and we can talk to anyone we want... but at the same time, we feel that there's no one out there for us.

I think part of the reason we would feel so discouraged is because after a painful breakup, our expectations increases because we do not want to get hurt like that again.

It does. And we 're not sure if we can ever love someone as much anymore and not sure if we want to risk getting hurt. But at the same time now when we're single we have so much time to do whatever we want now. At the same time we might still have some feelings left over from your ex. I think this breakup although has been hell for me, I've learned lots about life though and there's still more I need to find out.

artlady · Mar 30, 2009, 06:47 AM

Work on enjoying being alone.

Alone and lonely are not synonymous.

Work on your emotional well being that does not need another person to validate who you are.

I am 54 and I have seen this happen so many times as to be eerie.
When you least expect it.. KAPOW.. you meet that special person.

In the meantime be open to new experiences,expand your horizons and know that good things are coming your way.

talaniman · Mar 30, 2009, 06:54 AM

It takes time to regroup, and fill the hole in your soul. Coping with your feelings of loss, and rejection, is very difficult. We all know that, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't try, despite how hard is it.

We all say moving on is easier said than done, but the truth is its necessary to prevent us from being STUCK! Its a lesson in coping with your feelings so, I advise getting busy, and planning how you go about your healing.

That means action on your part, not thinking or dwelling, but doing. Healing requires time, and time flies when your having fun, so that's where you start, with things, activities, and people you enjoy. If it means going back to what you were doing before you met your partner, do so!

I know right now, you think you'll never see love again, but your wrong, you just won't see it now in the condition your in, but it will happen, when you uncloud your mind of the hurt and confusion and start doing good things for yourself, and learn to be happy with who you are. A process you can't rush, but have to work at. Again, it requires some positive actions by you.

Get your plan together, and when you feel stuck, and hopeless, get up and put that plan in action, no matter the time.

Your not alone, all us humans go thru this experience to grow, and learn to deal with the reality of life.

jmw0713 · Mar 30, 2009, 06:57 AM

Get busy with life. Call up one of your buddies and go on a random trip somewhere. Go out and do something you love to do. You have all the time in the world right now and no one to hold you back.

Go out and talk to women, but don't be looking or trying for a love connection because you will come off as being desperate (when in reality you're not). Just have fun with it. Remember that anything that happens can not feel any worse than the pain you felt when you got dumped.

Remember, go with the flow and let whatever happens, happen. At the same time, remember to exercise caution and safety because there is a lot of crazy crap and crazy people out there.

It's not fear that you feel in your stomach as you forge on into the future, it's the excitement of the unknown!

Good luck!

none12345 · Mar 30, 2009, 11:04 AM

The truth is I don't know what to do now. Life seems so boring and like there is no purpose in life? I want to find love but I don't think I'm ready for it yet taken I just broke up.

Do you guys think you should look for love or let love find you?

kctiger · Mar 30, 2009, 11:07 AM

Let love find you. Your purpose in life is to make yourself better each day you wake up, it isn't to find love. By building a life around you that you enjoy, it makes you that much more attractive to prospective gals. Life is what you make of it, so if you make it boring, it will be so. Worry about finding what truly makes you happy, and it shouldn't be another person.

talaniman · Mar 30, 2009, 11:08 AM

Single people should make there own life happy, so you will have something to share, when love finds you.

ZoeMarie · Mar 30, 2009, 11:11 AM

Do whatever makes you happy. Enjoy having the free time to do whatever you want. In doing that you might just find the person you're meant to be with. I'm not saying to actively look for that person, but you'd be surprised. It seems like I've always met someone when I haven't even been looking.

ZoeMarie · Mar 30, 2009, 11:13 AM

In general I think when people are looking for love, they try too hard with people that they might not even be compatible with, if that makes sense.

jmw0713 · Mar 30, 2009, 11:16 AM

Life is what you make it. If you feel bored with life, it time to go and find something that you like to do for fun and excitement. If all your doing is waking up, going to school/work, coming home and going to bed, I would get bored with that myself.

Expand your interests and get out and do something you've never done before. See where that path leads you and who you run into along the way.

One tip I can give you make your life less boring... NEVER turn down a social invitation, unless you really have to.

To add some personal experience to what Zoe is saying:

When I was in high school, I didn't have ANY luck with girls. One of my friends at the time told me that I was "trying" to hard. I was always doing something to get their attention, but the things I did were not the right things. I have found out through my experience with my ex and others, the less you look the better your chances. Honestly, when someone says "Just be yourself" it's true. Women have a weird sense that can weed out the guys who are desperate and the guys who are just being themselves and having fun. When you go out, go out with the intention of having fun, not with expectations of finding love. It is at that time women find you. IDK how to explain it... it's weird. Just don't go out to pick up girls... go out and have a good time with your friends.

none12345 · Mar 30, 2009, 11:31 AM

Oh okay guys! But it would be nice if you have someone to share your life with instead of being single all the time. But I get what you guys are trying to say =P I'm just worried because I don't want to end up alone. But yah for now I should do what I want to to make me happy like what you guys said, the things I couldn't do before.

jmw0713 · Mar 30, 2009, 12:07 PM

Trust me those fears of being alone will fade once you start enjoying life and having fun again doing what you want to do.

You'll see. Wait until that first girl notices you. Right then you will know that you will not be alone forever. Don't say that it won't happen, because if you put yourself out there enough, it most certainly will.

That's why you should not turn down any social invitations. They are ways to get with friends and get yourself out there for the world to see. When other people see that you are having a good time, they will want to join you. Therefore you will never be alone.

Arzy99 · Mar 30, 2009, 02:23 PM

Dude I can relate to your situation... my ex left me for another guy also.. worst part is, I heard this from a 3rd party.. my ex gave me some BS excuse as to why she was breaking up with me, she couldn't even tell me the truth.. furthermore she broke up with me over the phone, couldn't do it face to face.. this was all after I was the most caring and loving boyfriend I could possibly be, I even brought her home to my mum (which is a big thing in my household - so you can see how much I invested in the r'ship)... ANYWAY as soon as I found out the REAL reason she left me was because of another guy - I went STRICT NC... and I haven't looked back since!. I know I don't deserve that AT ALL.. and I'm not going to settle for it, NEITHER SHOULD YOU!.

Believe me when I tell you... you need to just BE YOURSELF.. find what you enjoy, FIND YOURSELF... ALWAYS be true to yourself... because then you will attract the same kind of people to your life, be it friends or partners. I have read many posts and threads on here... and now I am in a position where I am constantly learning about myself, and wanting to learn more. I am constantly striving to improve myself - mentally, academically, physically, moraly.. every day!. THAT is what you should be doing - I have learnt to just FORGET about finding love... it will happen in its own time. I have learnt to first be happy and comfortable with myself!. thats the most important thing...

Since the breakup I have been hitting the gym hard, I have had an internship in Europe and travelled in 3 different countries... and hopefully in the summer, I will be going to Africa to help AIDS sufferers... all before going to university later this year...
YOU SEE!. if I can do it, you can do it!. just improve yourself!. LIVE WELL!. seize EVERY opportunity dude!. strive to make yourself the BEST, most DESIRABLE guy - and most importantly... do it FOR YOURSELF, because YOU WANT TO...
... I believe then and only then will LOVE FIND YOU...

Be patient my friend.. learn, improve, and find yourself... these really are the best things to do - believe me, as you are hearing it from somebody who was in your position not so long ago.. and I realized all of this with the help of the amazing people on this website (KC, Tal, Rome amongst others)...
You will be fine!

I wish · Apr 2, 2009, 11:23 AM

Originally Posted by none12345

Oh okay guys! but it would be nice if you have someone to share your life with instead of being single all the time. but i get what you guys are trying to say =P im just worried because i dont wanna end up alone. But yah for now i should do what i want to to make me happy like what you guys said, the things i couldnt do before.

Believe me, I'm sure you're not the only one who feels this way, especially if there is no rebound.

I started liking this other girl a few months after my break up, but she had a boyfriend. They broke up a few weeks ago, but I'm on NC with her cause I got to give her space to recover. However, things are looking really bleak with her, who knows if we will end up together. I like her so much and I've never felt so much pain before, cause I've never liked a girl this much. And I've never even dated this girl before. Messed up?!

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is, your breakup was painful and now we have all these lonely-related thoughts. But there's a possibility of a more painful situation in the future. So now that you are single, you should focus on making yourself a stronger person so that you will be better prepared to face the pain.