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Depressed lady · Mar 25, 2009, 05:15 PM

Hello People,

I'm so confused right now.:confused: Well I dated my ex for 3 years, our relationship was perfect, we loved each other so much although it was hard as he was in America, studying and I was here in U.k. Well 2 and half years later he realised he could take it anymore and he left America (he still had one year to go). So he came here, I was so happy however, he became really protective over me, he didn't like me talking to other guys, he was extremely strict! It was making me miserable as you can imagine. Eventually he started hitting me if he didn't like something I did. Well months later I realised that I couldn't take it anymore. As much as I love him, I couldn't take him ruling my life... So I broke up with him!! :( By that time my parents were aware with his behaviour and said to me that if I ever had to get back with him, they would disown me. Therefore at that time I was forced to move on. I was single for 4 months but I was a total mess. I was out clubbing every weekend, getting drunk and kissing (no SEX) guys. I just didn't know how to move on, I still loved my ex a lot, we were still in touch!! He still loved me lots and I think he had faith that I would get back with him. But I couldn't because of my parents and because of his over protectivness.:(

Well 4 months later, I met a really nice guy, we were going through similar things, break ups. We got to know each other and I really liked him, but I still thought about my ex. I had to choice but to move on!! I really cared for him and we dated for a year, then we decided to get engaged. However my ex was still in touch, once in 3-4 months. He still said he loved me and that he was waiting for me. Well 2 years later I got married, I knew it was the biggest mistake I made!! Even before I got married we didn't get along and always fought!! We couldn't communicate and he didn't trust me!! Things got worse when we got married. On our first wedding annie, we broke up ( my decision).

Well here's the main confusion!! :confused:
My ex and I have been separated for 4 years now, we were in touch on and off and he always told me he loved me and he knew in his hear we were meant to be. However he stopped talking to me. He says he has another GF! But I know he still loved me, he waited for me, 4 years later- I'm single and he doesn't want to know me anymore. I still love him, I know he has changed, he was young and insecure.
I know he was angry with me, because I got married!! But I mean at that time, I had no other choice.

I'm not sure!! Do u think he will come back to me??

JoeCanada76 · Mar 25, 2009, 07:25 PM

Your not meant to be.

Its four years.

Who cares if he was angry at you for getting married. What right does he? NONE.

You have a choice not to get the crap beaten out of you. You want to go back for MORE.

I do not get it.

DO I THINK HE WILL GO BACK TO YOU. I HOPE NOT. BECAUSE YOUR NOT MATURE YET AND HE IS AN ABUSER.

SIMPLE ANSWER, NO HE WILL NOT.

neverme · Mar 25, 2009, 07:46 PM

To be honest I think you are nuts if you are looking to get back with him.

What he was was not 'overprotective' it was abusive.

Your parents were right to go to such extents to get you rid of this guy.

talaniman · Mar 25, 2009, 11:13 PM

How about forgetting him, and start fresh, or are you that desperate you would return to the disasters of the past, instead of having hope for the future.

Depressed lady · Mar 26, 2009, 05:36 AM

Thank you for your replies... are u trying to say people don't change? I know he was abusive, but 4 years is not a joke to wait for someone. And he did...
So just wondering if he was to get back with me, would I be making a mistake

neverme · Mar 26, 2009, 05:43 AM

No he didn't wait he has a new girlfriend!

Yes you would be making a mistake, move on, this man spells nothing but trouble.

liz28 · Mar 26, 2009, 06:02 AM

You started this thread off by stating you and your ex had the perfect relationship but you didn't. He wasn't a match for you and didn't treat you the way a woman deserves to be treated. They say you will see the real side of a person once you live with them and you saw the true him when he moved to UK to be with you.

You need to stop living in the past and move on. Why you ever got back in touch with him is beyond me and you can't get mad because he has a girlfriend. Take his lead by doing the same and move on with your life.

While your sitting around being depressed he is out enjoying his life and not even thinking about you. So get out and do the same.

talaniman · Mar 26, 2009, 06:02 AM

You didn't work very well before, you probably won't work well now.

He left the door open for you only because when he has time, he will use you again because he knows the sex will be great, and he can leave again, when he is tired of you.

You sound lonely, and desperate, and that's not good, because you should have no more to do with him. Has he changed? I doubt that, and that's not the question, have you changed, I doubt that too.

Not only would getting back with him be a mistake, it would be a disaster, again. You two are poison to each other.

Stay single and examine yourself and find out why you keep running head first into a brick wall.

crazyoverher · Apr 5, 2009, 09:08 AM

Hi... I agree with everyone else here... you shouldn't have taken his physical abuse at all.

If you get back with him what makes you think that he won't do that again? If he really loved you, he would never have hurt you like that.

I'm sorry, I think that you do love this guy and I'm sure in a strange way, he might love you too but the best thing to do is to try to move on with your life. That's a hard thing for me to say given my situation... but everyone in this forum cares about the other people on here... listen to their advice.

Good luck!

a la king · Apr 5, 2009, 08:04 PM

4 minutes... 4 days... 4 years.. It's always possible if it's still *there*.

But, this guy sounds like a total a$$hole and if I were you I'd stay clear of him.

chuff · Apr 5, 2009, 09:51 PM

Originally Posted by Depressed lady

thank you for your replies.....are u trying to say people don't change?

With all due respect, why do you post the question if your not going to accept the answer? What you wanted was a lie, you wanted everybody to post a lie and say this situation was acceptable. You got the wrong website for that. Here you get the truth and the truth is sometimes not what you want to hear but need to hear.

Originally Posted by Depressed lady

i know he was abusive,

Do you know how abusive he was? He was so abusive that once you got out, he kept your mind and emotions in an abusive state. He abused you to the point that you couldn'te even get your own personal freedom. Ironically, your freedom is waiting for you, all you have to is go get it.

Originally Posted by Depressed lady

but 4 years is not a joke to wait for someone. and he did....

What are you talking about? He has a girlfriend.

Originally Posted by Depressed lady

so just wondering if he was to get back with me, would i be making a mistake

If he was? How or why would this happen? Also, what's wrong with you, in that you got married and knew it was a mistake before you did it. Ahh if you screwed up your own marriage maybe you ought to quit worrying about guys and start worrying about yourself so that you do wind up with jerks. It's almost like you are deemed to repeat the behavior, so instead of claiming he's changed, you need to find the will to change yourself.

xyz2009 · Apr 5, 2009, 10:12 PM

Originally Posted by liz28

You started this thread off by stating you and your ex had the perfect relationship but you didn't. He wasn't a match for you and didn't treat you the way a woman deserves to be treated. They say you will see the real side of a person once you live with them and you saw the true him when he moved to UK to be with you.

You need to stop living in the past and move on. Why you ever got back in touch with him is beyond me and you can't get mad because he has a girlfriend. Take his lead by doing the same and move on with your life.

While your sitting around being depressed he is out enjoying his life and not even thinking about you. So get out and do the same.

Well said!!

Depressed lady · Apr 6, 2009, 06:43 AM

What are you talking about? He has a girlfriend.

Yes he has a girlfriend now but for 4 years he waited prior to that.
But thank you for your advice anyway!!

slapshot_oi · Apr 6, 2009, 06:52 AM

Originally Posted by Depressed lady

thank you for your replies.....are u trying to say people don't change? i know he was abusive, but 4 years is not a joke to wait for someone. and he did....
so just wondering if he was to get back with me, would i be making a mistake

You only want him back because you know he won't leave you... he'll just beat you.

You're situation is a prime example of what happens when you refuse to stick to NC. You've been separated from your ex-boyfriend longer than you actually dated him, you never took time for yourself to heal and you married a rebound. And now, years later, you want him back although you know it would be a mistake.

Things would have been different if you had cut him off completely and had been single for a long-time. If you continue to stay in touch with either ex, your next relationship will be a compound of residual emotions from the ex-boyfriend and the ex-husband and will likely fail. You already have enough baggage, so do it right this time.

liz28 · Apr 6, 2009, 06:57 AM

Originally Posted by Depressed lady

What are you talking about? He has a girlfriend.

Yes he has a girlfriend now but for 4 years he waited prior to that.
but thank you for your advice neways!!!

What are you talking about? In the end it's your life and you can do what you want with it.

If you been broken up for 4 years and still aren't over it, most likely you never will. Maybe counseling is in order because your stuck in the past and don't see what other see.

Maybe you should reread your thread out loud so you can actually hear what you wrote.