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dunnowhat · Mar 24, 2009, 05:18 PM

Im 16 years old going on 17 , i have one sister and my parents got divorced when i was 7 years old but them getting divorced didnt really bother me. My dad is an alcoholic gambler , and he doesnt come home often , he comes home at 4 or 5 am . unfortunalty i live with him, sometimes he is very mean especially when he is drunk but other times when he is sober he is great with me which makes it easy for me to forget about what he does to me when he is drunk , he can't quitt driking he is 59 and addicted . my mom lives in another country to work and comes 1 month each summer to see us. ever since my parents god divorced its been me and my sis , she is now 23 years old. but about a month ago she told me she couldnt handdle it anymore that im not helping her around the house with the cleaning and with handdling my dad , and i told her that i couldnt help her cz i had lots of studying to do to pass my mid-terms, she wasn't conviced and left the house to live with my mom's friends. i am now cleaning the house , handdling my drunkard dad , and all of his disgusting habbits, and studying... i have 2 best friends , Tina and lauren , tina is the smart scientific understanding friend , she finishes my sentences and such ... and lauren is the funny hyper time friend . lauren and i have had our differences and i dont trust her because she bterayed me many times in the past , but this year im feeling closer to her and tina knows everything about me , but whenever i tell her something like a problem or such ,she just nodds and advises me to forget about it , i mean she never really helps me out or gives me an advice, she doesnt ask about whats going on with me , its like we just hang out to gossip and talk about guys and go out ...its me who is always calling both of them to check up on them allthough i see them everyday at school ... and they just call me on weekends to ask me if i wanna hangout with them.. they are both spoiled by their parents they get everything they ask for meanwhile i suffer to get anything from my dad . i feel hopeless trying to manage everything , im on a fight with my mom cz i didnt run after my sister to get her back home , my sister thinks she is useless around the house and with me cz she is seeing that i can do it on my own so she is not coming back and she told me that i dont call her and stuff but how many things can i juggle?? i feel hopeless and replacable . i also had kind of a fight today with my best friends , cause im feeling replacable with them its like my presence equals my absence with them , so i ddnt hangout with them today to see if they would care , not one of them called me to see what was going on .. instead i ended up calling them and neither of them answered . my mom hasnt called my dad doesnt give a about me aslong as he has that bottle of alcohol , my sister is doing fine without me , so are my friends...im replacable. i feel useless , i have thought about suicide but i can't do it cz deep down i know i have a better future waiting for me ... but meanwhile what do i do ? im hopeless.

Ren6 · Mar 24, 2009, 05:32 PM

Wow. My dear, you do need to get out of your living situation. Can you move in with your mom's friends as well? Please call your mom and let her know that you can't handle the situation at home any longer. If your mom can't or won't help you, is there any adult in your life whom you trust or like? You're still a juvenile and you shouldn't be subjected to what you are dealing with at home.

The next thing I'm going to suggest is a group like Al-anon or Al-ateen... it's an off-shoot of AA, a way for family members to cope with an alcoholic in the family.

I just can't stress enough the importance of you getting out of the house! Please call your mom, or somebody... and keep us posted, o.k?

dunnowhat · Mar 24, 2009, 05:42 PM

My mom can't do anything , she is going to start lecturing me about its OK just ignore your dad and "didnt you get used to him yet?" .and I don't want to move in with my mom's friends , I don't like them and I can't get along with them. There is no adult in my life that can help me :S... they all say it's OK think about other people that are going through things that are harder than yours...

Ren6 · Mar 24, 2009, 05:50 PM

Well, I'm here to tell you that this is really messed up. Are you in the U.S.

dunnowhat · Mar 24, 2009, 05:52 PM

No I'm not

Ren6 · Mar 24, 2009, 05:55 PM

Geez... U.K. Can you speak with your friend's mom? A guidance counselor? My mom lived through the same thing you did, the only difference was her mom was dead. You need to be able to be a kid and concentrate on your studies. This is plunging you into adult-hood way too early... no relatives near to you?

dunnowhat · Mar 24, 2009, 05:59 PM

Im actually lebanese , and my society doesn't really focus on such cases , I have relatives that check up on me from time to time , but none wants to take care of me full time. My friends' moms are nice to me but they all just don't want to help me a lot...
Im going to try convincing my sister to get back home maybe things will change..

Ren6 · Mar 24, 2009, 06:08 PM

Please try to get your sister back home... you shouldn't have to handle this by yourself! I am not familiar with your culture... are there AA meetings or Al-anon meetings where you are? They could be a great help for you to get through this time in your life. Can you tell your friends how difficult things are for you right now? Maybe they'll be more supportive of you if they know what a spot you're in. Can you stay over at their houses occasionally and get a break from your dad? I really feel badly for you- I know what my mom went through, and it was awful.

dunnowhat · Mar 24, 2009, 06:13 PM

I actually spend most of my time sleeping over at my friends houses , and I'm practically never home on weekends and such just to avoid my dad.While my sister is home he doesn't dare to get drunk around the house but now he is taking advantage of her absence.I m going to confront him tomorro and tell him that he is not allowed to drink at home anymore. There's the school therapist that I can talk to but I don't think we have AA meetings or Al-anon meetings.
Thanks a lot for your advices by the way..

Ren6 · Mar 25, 2009, 08:38 AM

You're very welcome... I just wish I could be of more help!

Please do speak with the school therapist... she may know of resources that you are unaware of. Do speak with your dad, too... tell him how difficult it is for you to see him when he's drunk. I hope things work out o.k. Hang in there!

data6170 · May 11, 2009, 04:27 PM

My prayers are with you