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britt16986 · Mar 24, 2009, 04:43 AM

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 yrs now and together for almost 8. He doesn't consider it cheating, but he has cheated on me 3 times now and I'm afraid its happening again. When I was about 6 months pregnant I discovered he was chatting and having phone sex with another woman he met through his computer game, World of Warcraft. I only knew of the one, but suspected there were others.
About a year and a half later, he was acting suspicious and constantly putting his guard up anytime I would come into the office, so instead of accusing I just simply asked if there was anything he needed to tell me. He said no naturally. Still doubting, I used a computer monitor that keyloggs what is typed and takes screenshots. Through this I discovered that there were 2 more women which he was having "cybersex" and he was constantly asking other women what they liked in a guy and such so I suspect he was looking for more.
Giving the fact that we had a child, I told him one more time, and I was gone, but I would try to forgive him. Having said that, it's been really hard and I haven't been able to. He broke my heart and that is always sitting at the back of my mind.
Well, a few days ago he received a phone call at 1 am and he claimed he did not know the number. Well I called it and it was a woman and she claimed the number was on her phone so she was just checking to see who it was. However, that is hard for me to believe considering the time at which she called. The yesterday I found another unknown number. This one I didn't call but I think it may be happening again. His computer history is also quite frequently wiped clean and he claims he didn't clear it so I don't know what to think. Am I being paranoid or am I destined to be cheated on again and again until I finally leave him?

kildarebabe · Mar 24, 2009, 05:09 AM

If he is thinking about having sex with another woman and is doing it through the web or phone its still hursts as much as if he was doing it with a woman for real. I have had my heart broken by a lying cheating XXXXX and I know when I considered giving him another chance it drove me mad wondering where he was what he was doing and who he was with and it so wasn't worth it. My life would have been hell like that so I finished it completely. I think you need to sit him down and talk to him if you feel he is still lying then tell him your going...

450donn · Mar 24, 2009, 12:45 PM

I agree that you need to sit down and have an honest conversation. Suggest, no demand counseling and if he refuses then you have you answer.

Jake2008 · Mar 25, 2009, 01:13 AM

I agree that he is cheating, and you are NOT paranoid.

He has cheated on you three times that you know of, and now the phone calls too.

Perhaps an easier way to look at this is, why do you think he isn't cheating, with such a track record.

Good for you for doing the keystroke softwear thing, that also proves your theory.

If he is willing to admit to the obvious, and agree to stop, and get counselling, then that would be great. People stray, and make mistakes, and it can be worked through, but only if both parties are willing.

It is very, very hard work to build a foundation of trust for a second time.

IN GOD I TRUST · Mar 25, 2009, 01:26 AM

Sounds like cheating but the root seems to be the computer so trash the computer fix the problem

IN GOD I TRUST · Mar 25, 2009, 01:28 AM

Oh yea rent fire proof and make him watch it very good movie for married people and it's a new release also this movie covers the internet cyber garbage

mudweiser · Mar 25, 2009, 01:46 AM

Get spyware on your computer. You know those programs that you get to monitor children, here's a free and easy one to use: Keylogger spy software - Incredible keylogger spy software solution for home or office use.

Check it in a few days: you'll get to see if he's doing it again and if he is you have proof, show it to him and kick his butt out.

If you don't want to play detective then I suggest you leave the marriage. It's hard to try and work things out when your husband doesn't even "classify" it as cheating, I'm pretty damn sure he would if it were you on the telephone.

MRS.S

DoulaLC · Mar 25, 2009, 04:44 AM

Even though he may not see it as cheating, you do... and since he knows you don't like it, feel he is "cheating" on you by doing so, and yet continues to do so... things are not likely to change.

Give the counseling route a try if he will attend with you, but if he doesn't see any problem with what he is doing, and your being hurt and upset about it isn't enough for him to stop, you will have a difficult time keeping trust and respect in your marriage.

It is never easy to consider ending a marriage, but perhaps the possibility of that will be the catalyst he needs to change, if not... then you might have to take that step.

artlady · Mar 25, 2009, 05:07 AM

The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior.Particularity if he thinks it is not cheating.

Given his history,I do not think you are being paranoid.

This *cyber cheating* is a common theme here.Many people see it as an innocent flirtation.I consider it emotional cheating.It has become a true epidemic.

There is a wealth of information out there in regard to cyber cheating.I would arm myself with knowledge and try to prove your suspicions to him.

I am giving you a link I think you will find helpful.

Internet Infidelity and Cyber-Cheating in the News

liz28 · Mar 25, 2009, 12:08 PM

Your husband actions and the ohone calls shows what he is up to, no good. I agree with everyone and I think a heart felt talk is way overdue. Body language speaks volumes so pay attention to that.