Check out some similar questions!

Hathor · Mar 22, 2009, 09:25 AM

My boyfriend is getting 50 and has a very high sex drive. I'm in my late 20's and I have high sex drive too. Our sex life is great, but something bothers me.

First of all, I never dated anyone that much older, esp that age. So I was a bit taken aback that he can't get my hands off me, and is horny very often (as in every time he sees me), as opposed to my ex's who were my age, but weren't that horny, and even a bit shy. (I always thought it should be the other way around).

He can't control himself at all, whenever we french kiss, his hands are all over me, even in public places (I'm sometimes embarrassed), and 95% of making out is followed by intercourse, sometimes even right after, as in, he couldn't wait till we got home so after we left a restaurant, he took me to a dark corner for that.

He kisses me everywhere, as in EVERYWHERE. He licks my feet, inside my nostrils, inside my ears!! Which turns me off. He performs anilingus on me. I know it's not uncommon, but it strikes me that he likes sex way too much for his age.

He admitted having picked up hookers and watched porn. He said since he's now with me there's no need to watch porn anymore. Should I be worried, or should I take it as compliments (even though they're a bit weird)?

Homegirl 50 · Mar 22, 2009, 09:36 AM

Whether he is or not, if he is doing things that make you uncomfortable or you don't like, he will continue to do so until you tell him No!
Maybe he is trying to prove he still has it by having a young thing and doing all that public display stuff. He's probably in a mid-life freaky crisis and you are his young porn thing.
To be doing you in dark corners is tacky and at his age he ought to know better or at least have more respect for you. But you have to demand the respect.
You need to set some boundaries.

roxypox · Mar 22, 2009, 10:21 AM

Yeah I think that you need to take a talk to him about the things that make you uncomfortable. Sit him down and tell him that the feet, nostril, and ear licking is a turn of etc. And that you think that some of his behavior is a little inappropriate.

And you might want to add what you do like. (communication is def a big one when it comes to sex)

As for if he is a sex addict... hard to say. I honestly don't know. But he does seem a bit overly eager that's for sure!

Ps: as for the porn... I think that is VERY common for men and the hookers is not that unnatural either...

HighandDryinnNy · Mar 22, 2009, 10:50 AM

Now that he has you there's no need for porn? WHAT? Does this mean you are his little sex doll? This sounds creepy, especially since he is old enough to be your father. How long have you been together? What is the rest of your relationship like? At this point, it sounds purely sexual and he is simply using the BF title to supplement the actual payment.

Hathor · Mar 22, 2009, 11:31 AM

Originally Posted by HighandDryinnNy

Now that he has you there's no need for porn? WHAT? Does this mean you are his little sex doll? This sounds creepy, especially since he is old enough to be your father. How long have you been together? What is the rest of your relationship like? At this point, it sounds purely sexual and he is simply using the BF title to supplement the actual payment.

Yeah, I know, it does look creepy, but I think he didn't mean to put it that way. He's not a native English speaker so I find some of the things he said a bit odd.

But it's not always about sex, I mean we talk, share things a lot too. I had my doubts about him at first, being old and all. But he really cares about me in other aspects (like my health, my career, etc.) so I've become more open-minded.

I actually brought up this issue a few times, but he denied he's with me just for sex. He said, with his age and experience, he knows lots of people in every corner of the city, it's not hard for him to get laid so he doesn't need me just for that. He said it just happened that we both like sex, and being at the beginning of our relationship, it's hard to exercise restraint. After that talk, he said if it bothers me, we can just reduce it or take a break. But so far we haven't had that break or reduction still.

letmetellu · Mar 22, 2009, 11:37 AM

I think this guy is in fear of getting old and is trying to prove to himself that he is still man enough to have sex all the time, having sex and enjoying sex is two different things.

excon · Mar 22, 2009, 11:41 AM

Originally Posted by letmetellu

I think this guy is trying to prove to himself that he is still man enough to have sex all the time,

Hello let:

Yeah... Looks like it's working too.

excon

Hathor · Mar 22, 2009, 12:05 PM

Originally Posted by letmetellu

I think this guy is in fear of getting old and is trying to prove to himself that he is still man enough to have sex all the time, having sex and enjoying sex is two different things.

I'm not so sure about that. I once told him I wasn't sure about us because of the age difference thing, and he didn't seem to acknowledge that he's getting old AT ALL. He didn't think the difference is that huge.

But maybe it's like you said, maybe he's in denial. During sex, he pants a lot and takes frequent breaks, and when I asked if he's tired, he always shrugged it off.

Homegirl 50 · Mar 22, 2009, 01:01 PM

Originally Posted by Hathor

I'm not so sure about that. I once told him I wasn't sure about us cos of the age difference thing, and he didn't seem to acknowledge that he's getting old AT ALL. He didn't think the difference is that huge.

But maybe it's like you said, maybe he's in denial. During sex, he pants a lot and takes frequent breaks, and when I asked if he's tired, he always shrugged it off.

He does not think the age difference is that huge! He is either in denial or he thinks you're stupid.
He is going through a mid life crisis an he is using you as a sex toy. He is probably taking Viagra or something too.
You said you have told him about this but he still has not slowed down, he is not respecting you. Don't allow yourself to be used. This guy is old enough to be your father, he ought to be ashamed of himself. I hope he does not mess around and have a heart attack trying to prove something to himself.

Homegirl 50 · Mar 22, 2009, 01:03 PM

He's not a sex addict, he is a middle aged fool and you are his "red corvette" his toy.
Wise up girl.

ordinaryguy · Mar 22, 2009, 02:54 PM

excon agrees: Yeah... He should join Over Eagers Anonymous.

I think OEA was founded by Odessa Goodwin. Except I always thought it stood for Over Eagers Anomalous.

HighandDryinnNy · Mar 22, 2009, 02:56 PM

What are you worried about exactly? You, or him?

Originally Posted by Hathor

He said, with his age and experience, he knows lots of people in every corner of the city, it's not hard for him to get laid so he doesn't need me just for that. He said it just happened that we both like sex, and being at the beginning of our relationship, it's hard to exercise restraint. After that talk, he said if it bothers me, we can just reduce it or take a break. But so far we haven't had that break or reduction still.

These words are coming from him-
"With his age and experience" he should show you a little more respect and take pleasure in making sure you are comfortable. A man CAN "exercise restraint", regardless of how irresistible you are, otherwise women all over the place (in "new relationships" ) would find themselves in quite the predicament.
If you feel like he is becoming inappropriate, consider that break. Some time apart could really put things into perspective.

talaniman · Mar 22, 2009, 03:00 PM

He is probably taking Viagra or something too.

50 ain't old,
He is having fun with his girl toy.

Homegirl 50 · Mar 22, 2009, 03:04 PM

You're right Tal he's not old but a lot of men younger than he is needs that stuff.
But yes, he is having fun with his girl toy.

ordinaryguy · Mar 22, 2009, 03:22 PM

Originally Posted by Hathor

I'm not so sure about that. I once told him I wasn't sure about us cos of the age difference thing, and he didn't seem to acknowledge that he's getting old AT ALL. He didn't think the difference is that huge.

OK, he's "getting 50" and you're "late twenties"? So we're talking a difference of about 20 years? If you were "early teens" and he was "early thirties", it would be a different story, but I don't think the age difference is the real problem here. The problem is that he's being an inconsiderate jerk. You're an adult. Insist on being treated as one. It's not about his age, it's about your self-respect.

roxypox · Mar 22, 2009, 03:36 PM

Tall: had to spread the rep... but lol 50 ain't old. One isn't old until you feel old ;)

And yeah, I'm starting to think that maybe tall and homegirl is right... maybe you are a new shiny toy...

But like ordinary guy said.. he is being inconsiderate... he is acting inappropriate and he is doing some extreme stuff that seem from your OP to make you some what uncomfortable. So you need to at least have a talk to him about that if you want that behavior to change...
.

Xrayman · Mar 22, 2009, 03:49 PM

Mmmm why has he been single and now getting involved with you? The age difference IS notable here. I would think that sex is an addiction for him because he is using you as a "THING" to screw rather than a healthy young woman with a natural sex desire. He seems a little creepy-dare I say it...

I'm not sure if he is "all there" sexually. He tells you you are attractive and sexy etc. but there does come a time where YOU want to do things YOUR way i.e. without being embarrassed.

Is he a sex-addict... possibly.

Does he respect YOUR desires.. doesn't seem to.

Verdict... tell him to back off and up the romance and back-off on the weird and embarrassing stuff.

Good luck!

Homegirl 50 · Mar 22, 2009, 03:51 PM

Hey, I'll be the last one to say 50 is old, heck I'm 55. But no matter how young you feel all of our parts don't necessarily cooperate with how young you feel. He said it's hard to exercise restraint, it may be if he is taking something. I'd think a man his age would have a bit more discipline.

Hathor · Mar 22, 2009, 08:13 PM

Thanks guys for your helpful advice and concern.

He's not a perv as a person, and he does treat me very well in general.

Just that when it's down to sex, he can't control. I think I exaggerated the PDA stuff a bit. He's all over me at the pub and restaurant where there aren't many people at NIGHTTIME. We work for the same corporate and he never does stuff that would jeopardize both our careers, he said we don't have to be 'extravagant' and it's better for me that way (cos I'm younger and becoming a rising newcomer and all hehe).

But you're right, the dark corners is out of line (but FYI, I refused to go all the way tho). And Every time he almost literally rips my clothes off. Wearing sexy lingerie is all in vain, because he never pays attention, sometimes I asked him what he thinks about my lingerie, and he said 'women's underwears are very nice anyway'.

Anyway, I know it's about communication, I will have another talk with him.

Oh, I don't think he takes viagra though.

artlady · Mar 22, 2009, 08:24 PM

Tell him what you do not like. Tell him what you do like.
Wild passionate sex without tenderness and is also a drag and sex should not be a gymnastic event every time it happens.

Some men are ripe and horny and lustful until they meet their maker.I am not sure this has anything to do with age,or proving himself ,he is just a horny dude.

I am 54 and without getting specific my man is as well and things are cooking with us as well as with a guy in his prime so it may not be he has to prove himself.

Bottom line,you feel comfortable enough to be intimate,feel comfortable enough to discuss your wants and needs.