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danaleer · Dec 6, 2008, 04:10 AM

I am engaged to a great guy, and can't wait to get married. I love him to death, and he loves me, but we don't have sex like I would like. He's performed oral sex on me maybe once or twice, when I asked him. Now it's never. It's not like I want to have him do it all the time - I would just like him to try and do it once a month at least to show me that he's still attracted to me. He hates foreplay and tries to rush sex and make it last 5 minutes - which it usually does. A couple months back I let my fiancé have me and another girl for a little bit - he kissed both of us, fingered her, and had a little fun with her but no sex. I wouldn't have minded that - but he felt weird about it. During that time, that was the only time he really kissed me deep and passionately. He never kisses me like that other times. And when ever we have sex, he HAS to dirty talk to stay turned on. He talks about how he'd like to see me with another guy, and although dirty talk is fun once in a while - I would like it if we had passionate love-making sessions once in a while too. In the past he's made me feel bad because he admitted his ex girlfriends performed oral sex better - and so I feel like he's trying to compare me to them. He's always telling me I need to lose weight - I'm in my early 20's and about 130, and I agree I need to lose some pounds, but I guess the reason he's not sexually attracted to me is because he finds me unattractive right now? How can I get him to want sex and want foreplay and want sex to last longer and be more sexually attracted to me? I have also tried dressing up - but he says that doesn't do anything for him sexually - and nothing I read in Cosmo or other magazines do anything for him. I am running out of options - I don't want to leave him but love making is a big deal - at least to me - and I need to be able to have sex with my fiancé. Thanks! - Dana

adam_89 · Dec 6, 2008, 04:47 AM

Lucky SOB. 2 women and he doesn't appreciate it. Sorry, but that isn't right.

danaleer · Dec 6, 2008, 04:49 AM

I asked him why he never fingers me, and his answer was, 'that girl messed it up for us' I don't know how to take that, and I have no idea what it could mean.

danaleer · Dec 6, 2008, 04:50 AM

& Leaving him isn't an answer. I won't, I love him too much, I just need something done about our sex life.

adam_89 · Dec 6, 2008, 04:51 AM

That is weird. How could another woman mess something up. If he doesn't enjoy sexual activities he should at least pleasure you. I Enjoy pleasuring women, even if I don't get anything out of it. I don't know what his deal is

danaleer · Dec 6, 2008, 04:53 AM

The thing I'm most frustrated about is the fact that I'll read countless Cosmos and read all the sex tips, and absolutely NONE of them do anything for him. I think dressing up is fun and would love to do it, but he said, "my exes did it and it didnt do anything for me, so it wont now"

adam_89 · Dec 6, 2008, 04:58 AM

Wow, he really ruins sex for you huh? It is usually the girl who doesn't like to give oral or doesn't like to have sex that much. You should read my post after this and see my situation!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...me-288989.html

danaleer · Dec 6, 2008, 05:05 AM

With your question, I would suggest just giving her time. A girl's virginity is very imporant, and you have to let her take her time. Some girls wait years in a relationship to do it. My best advice is to make her feel like a princess - without having ulterior motives. Maybe then you can slowly start doing stuff other than sex... and maybe watching a couple dirty movies together and making it fun for her. As for her worried about getting pregnant, go with her to a planned parenthood or something & have a trained expert explain to her all the methods of protection and prevention

artlady · Dec 6, 2008, 05:47 AM

Hay Dana..
Wow... if you have to play so much this early in your relationship to keep it hot.. where are you going to be in the future?

Why can't you just dig on each other?

Why are you putting yourself down about weight?

Hes a creep and he just knows nothing besides using women.:eek:

Run sister.. run as fast as you can from this jerk!

My sister hear me... GO!

All Gods love to you!

artlady · Dec 6, 2008, 06:03 AM

Dana wake up !
You know what is really happening.

Its not about sex and he is just going to drag you down.. c'mon honey, don't let him use you anymore.

C''mon girl respect yourself Stand up

danaleer · Dec 6, 2008, 06:06 AM

The only part of our relationship that is lacking or flawed in any way is the sex... I'm not leaving a man I love and want to have children with just because our sex is not perfect or up to my standards.

kudawasithole · Dec 6, 2008, 06:06 AM

Looks like a mismatch hey tough luck.The laws of attraction are not like mathematics hey.

excon · Dec 6, 2008, 06:52 AM

Originally Posted by danaleer

The only part of our relationship that is lacking or flawed in any way is the sex...I'm not leaving a man I love and want to have children with just because our sex is not perfect or up to my standards.

Hello dana:

If you're complaining about it now, you ain't going to make it through a lifetime of NO GOOD SEX, NO ORGASMS, and NO FUN - nor should you.

excon

adam_89 · Dec 6, 2008, 06:58 AM

I agree with excon. It probably won't improve from here. It will probably get worse unless you do something about it. You might want to go see a counselor. I believe there are some for specializing in sex. You can save it.

danaleer · Dec 6, 2008, 07:19 AM

I've been thinking about a sex therapist for a while and think that's where we should go. My fiancé, no doubt, will deny anything being wrong about our sex life. Or he'll blame it on me somehow.

adam_89 · Dec 6, 2008, 07:24 AM

He might, but just if that is what it takes, just blame it on yourself and say that you would like to know what to do to make things better. Play it off on you for awhile, so he doesn't think he is doing any wrong. I think it would help tremendously!

excon · Dec 6, 2008, 07:33 AM

Hello again, d:

Chicks think they can change their man... Chicks are wrong.

excon

danaleer · Dec 7, 2008, 06:05 AM

Actually you're not ^ some women have changed men. And no, not all chicks think they can change a man.

Choux · Dec 7, 2008, 04:23 PM

He's abusive and you are digging it...

Guess you want to have a real unhappy life. YOu don't deserve to have an unhappy life; every woman deserves a good man, not an abuser.

Synnen · Dec 7, 2008, 09:36 PM

Get a porn blocker. Put it on all computers you know he looks at.

Get rid of all porn in your house.

Work on your communication with each other.

Go to a counselor--a MARRIAGE counselor.

Sex is the least of your problems. Your self-esteem is the biggest problem. Seriously--you let him get away with comparing you to past girls and not listening to YOUR needs--why again? Because you love him?

Bet you'll be back within a few years of your marriage wanting to know how to fix it, because you don't have the communication structure in place now, nor do you have equality in your relationship---your needs ARE as important as his.