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CaliGirlX0X0 · Mar 11, 2009, 04:31 PM

I am a unwed mother over 30. My boyfriend and I were together for over 12years.
When he found out I was pregnant, he verbally abused me for several months of my pregnancy and then left. He has not contacted or try to contact me during my pregnancy. It was offered to him to be with me during delivery which he refused.The baby is now here healthy and beautiful. I did not list her father on the birth certificate, she is carrying my last name. The father has only visited the baby once and that was to drop off some baby wipes he took one look at her and then left. One day he'll say 'the baby isn't mine' then 3 days laters he'll send his sisters in his place to visit the baby. He has not supported this baby in anyway. He can visit the baby as long as he calls me first, but he hasn't called and not made an effort to visit.
His family is now threatening me, and they even admitted themselves in the past that he's being a coward and will not step up. What rights does he have in California. I am afraid that he will file to share custody. I am not filing for child support because I don't want to deal with the 'drama'.

HELP!

stevetcg · Mar 11, 2009, 05:00 PM

You need to file for support and full custody now. Be proactive, not reactive. He can, at any time, file for joint custody. If you are the one initiating it, it is more likely that the court will look at you as the responsible one and him as the "dont wanna be a father"

cadillac59 · Mar 11, 2009, 09:54 PM

He has the right to establish himself as the legal father. He even has the right to custody and visitation while the case is pending and before he's technically established himself as the biological father (because this is counterintuitive, non-lawyers get this wrong all the time, so watch out for bad advise in this regard). Probably the only thing different about him (from a legal perspective that is) than other dads is that he has no presumption of paternity-- he wasn't married to you, didn't sign a Voluntary Declaration of Paternity, didn't take the child into his home and hold her out as his own. But in this case and under these facts it really doesn't make that much of a difference.

But what rights does he have? He has all the rights of any parent. He has the same rights you do (other than a presumption of parentage going for him as I mentioned).

Oh, and on the subject of who files first, and if there is any advantage in you filing for support and custody before he does, it makes no difference whatsoever. That is totally irrelevant. It's not a race to the courthouse and whoever gets there first wins. No.

stevetcg · Mar 12, 2009, 04:13 AM

Originally Posted by cadillac59

He has the right to establish himself as the legal father. He even has the right to custody and visitation while the case is pending and before he's technically established himself as the biological father (because this is counterintuitive, non-lawyers get this wrong all the time, so watch out for bad advise in this regard). Probably the only thing different about him (from a legal perspective that is) than other dads is that he has no presumption of paternity-- he wasn't married to you, didn't sign a Voluntary Declaration of Paternity, didn't take the child into his home and hold her out as his own. But in this case and under these facts it really doesn't make that much of a difference.

But what rights does he have? He has all the rights of any parent. He has the same rights you do (other than a presumption of parentage going for him as I mentioned).

Oh, and on the subject of who files first, and if there is any advantage in you filing for support and custody before he does, it makes no difference whatsoever. That is totally irrelevant. It's not a race to the courthouse and whoever gets there first wins. No.

Is there a race to the courthouse? Depends on the judge, actually. In theory there shouldn't be, but in reality there *can* be. Its more of a case of being the one controlling the action though. Its always better to serve than be served. That goes for court as well as any action... a good defense is a strong offense.

cadillac59 · Mar 12, 2009, 10:39 AM

Originally Posted by stevetcg

is there a race to the courthouse? Depends on the judge, actually. In theory there shouldnt be, but in reality there *can* be. Its more of a case of being the one controlling the action though. Its always better to serve than be served. That goes for court as well as any action... a good defense is a strong offense.

Well, I've never noticed any advantage to being the first to file-- it's doesn't result in one person controlling the action (assuming the other party responds in time to what is going on) and I'm not sure I would agree that being the Petitioner puts one on the offense in any real sense of the word.

About the only difference being a Petitioner versus a Respondent makes has to do with what side of the table you stand on when speaking to the judge.

stevetcg · Mar 12, 2009, 10:47 AM

Originally Posted by cadillac59

Well, I've never noticed any advantage to being the first to file-- it's doesn't result in one person controlling the action (assuming the other party responds in time to what is going on) and I'm not sure I would agree that being the Petitioner puts one on the offense in any real sense of the word.

About the only difference being a Petitioner versus a Respondent makes has to do with what side of the table you stand on when speaking to the judge.

It might not make a ton of difference IN the courthouse, but it can make a huge difference outside of it. For instance, if you are the petitioner, you have all the time in the world to vet your lawyer, secure necessary funds, plan a strategy, while the respondent may not have the necessary funds immediately available... and as a lawyer you know how important money is in a court case where the quality of a lawyer might have a huge factor in the outcome.

And in the courthouse, there is a human ruling over the proceeding. Who is he going to look more favorably on... the one coming in and saying "this is my child, I want to accept responsibility" or the one dragged in there because he has refused to pay support and assist the other parent? I know it is not supposed to make a difference, but I'm sure it does.

CaliGirlX0X0 · Mar 12, 2009, 03:56 PM

Originally Posted by stevetcg

is there a race to the courthouse? Depends on the judge, actually. In theory there shouldnt be, but in reality there *can* be. Its more of a case of being the one controlling the action though. Its always better to serve than be served. That goes for court as well as any action... a good defense is a strong offense.

I want to thank all for responding to my first thread, was not expecting answers so soon. I do appreciate this, I will take account to all what has been said and it will assist me further on what I need to do on my part.