[bo11654]

I
Ll try to make this short. I have been in a relationship for 5 years. It was a great relationship where we never really fight (just argue about dumb things) our families are close and get along great. And we got along great. About 2 weeks ago my girlfriend said she wanted to take a break for a while to kind of make sure that I'm the right one. She said she basically wants to test the whole "whats meant to be is meant to be" quote. She wants to be free to hang out with her friends and not feel guilty that she's out and I'm home. So I suggested, take 1 week no talk no communication. We did that but she still feels the same way. I though she would have missed me over the week and things would be better. I can not get it through my head how this came to be. We have been together since she was 17. She has talked to my family about us and about when we get married and all that good stuff. She thought I was planning on getting engaged this may. She is not in any rush to get married and neither am I. I just can't see where this went wrong. As far as I can understand she just wants some time and space to be independent for a while. I got the same story for everyone else that she told this to so I have no reason to suspect that there is someone else. The question is how long is this going to last? I'm going out of my mind not being able to call her, talk to her, or see her. I called her once in the past 2 weeks, not to talk about us but just to talk. I left where she should call me only if "she wants" and not out of sympathy or guilt. What do I do in the mean time? I don't want to call and annoy her because that wouldn't really be giving her space. I was thinking in 2 weeks seeing if she wants to hang out for the day. Not to talk about us just to hang out? Good idea? Would that give her a taste of what she is missing? Not sure what else to do besides wait and hope she comes around. And if she does hopefully I'm still available.

Thanks

[Romefalls19]

Join a gym, great way to work off your anger and sort through your thoughts. I did it after my break up and I loved it! Gives you a major boost in self confidence too, stick to NC as well.

[chuff]

Don't call her in two weeks. You have to let her miss you. You also have to realize this did not come out of nowhere. She's been thinking about this for some time, and you only found out about it a few weeks ago. So in that regard she's got a head start on you.

If she calls I'd make the conversation short. If she talks about the relationship, I'd tell her that the more you think about it, the more you see her point and you'd been wanting to do other things for awhile, and now you can focus on those. I know that sounds backwards, but she believes you "need" her and are afraid to let go so you have to tell her otherwise.

[bo11654]

I think your right. I think she already delt with this and that's why I'm having a hard time and she is out enjoying herself. Is she actually missing me though or is she over it already and just moving on? I mean its been 5 years I wouldn't think that after 5 years you could just drop someone in heartbeat and move one. Especially since we never had any problems, we have joked about marriage. She was close to my sister and showed her the ring she wanted me to buy her. Is it possible she is just confused as hell and doesn't know what she wants right now?

[chuff]

I think your right. I think she already delt with this and thats why i'm having a hard time and she is out enjoying herself.

I know I am. Women let themselves out of relationships over time. If she's put in 5 years, she may have brought herself down and out of the relationship over the last few months or even up to a year ago this started.

Is she actually missing me though or is she over it already and just moving on?

She's moving on.

I mean its been 5 years i wouldnt think that after 5 years you could just drop someone in heartbeat and move one.

It wasn't in a heartbeat. That is what I am saying, she started this break up long before she told you it was coming.

Especially since we never had any problems, we have joked about marriage. She was close to my sister and showed her the ring she wanted me to buy her. Is it possible she is just confused as hell and doesnt know what she wants right now??

I think you are confused as hell. The only way to unconfuse yourself, is to get out of this situation.

[dealmein]

5 years geez - the only way I can understand it is she was young when you started the relationship and she's not getting any younger. She more than likely loves you too bits but needs to be that single fun loving independent woman for a bit. She is playing with fire though. You could easily turn it around and say listen you either want me or you can get. I don't see you as the type to do that though and I doubt she does either that's why she thinks she can get away with it.

She could go out and sleep with other people for all you know and not feel bad about it because you have given her that freedom. Something I myself wouldn't condone. I am 21 and have been with my girlfriend for 8 months now and she's 17. First girl I've ever slept with but she has had her fun so she says so I'm not too worried about her. I myself haven't and think about it time to time what if I want to be single and free again to do all the things Ive missed? Then I realise by doing that I risk losing the girl I fell in Love with.

She thinks you're a sure thing and see's you as a guy she can come back to whenever she's done having fun. You haven't put ANY restrictions on it. I'd put my foot down I feel its quite disrespectful what she's doing.

[ka1]

5 years geez - the only way I can understand it is she was young when you started the relationship and she's not getting any younger. She more than likely loves you too bits but needs to be that single fun loving independent woman for a bit. She is playing with fire though. You could easily turn it around and say listen you either want me or you can get. I dont see you as the type to do that though and I doubt she does either thats why she thinks she can get away with it.

I've heard this about my own situation. That our 7yr difference, and me meeting her when she was 23 is the or one of the problems. As she might not be mature enough to make some of the critical decisions to stay committed. I don't know. I do know I about sick and tired of not sleeping, and wondering if there is any chance I'll get to be one the exceptions or if I'll even get a shot at being an exception. Everything has moved so fast in the last 5 weeks, that I swear you would never have known we were engaged. One min in pre-marital counseling, and next separated.

I'm a confused and hurt old man right now. There are certain things I believe about her and me, but the universe seems to be saying, "So what, it don't matter." I don't it's 6:30am and I've been up all night, I guess I'm just having a personal pity party.

[ka1]

Jesus my world is crumbling down

[bo11654]

Dealmein, I think you are right. I don't know how to go about putting my foot down on this. I don't want to annoy her or be the jerk that calls her up screaming at her for breaking up with me. Wouldn't that just turn her off even more? Its been 2 weeks and I only talked to her 2 times for about 1 min each. Last night she wrote to me online to tell me her new job she started went well, but I would have thought she would have had the decency to call me and tell me a little bit about it. I'm just all messed up right now and don't know what to sa to her next. I feel like she is going to turn into this person that I don't know anymore.

[talaniman]

I'm just all messed up right now and don't know what to sa to her next.

Normal after being dumped, but the shock will wear off, and through NO Contact with her, you will heal, and move on.

I feel like she is going to turn into this person that I don't know anymore.

You have no control over what she does, but can control your own actions.

Leave her alone, and figure out what YOU are turning into.

[dealmein]

You have accepted her choice with little or no confrontation on the matter or so you've suggested. Again I stress she feels free to do what she wants. What do you want? Does she know what you want? Does your needs matter less than hers? (I will answer the last one for you lol) of course they don't. You need to phone her up once you know what you want from her. If she can't deliver then she isn't the person for you. Move on from it and don't contact her at all. You can't be her friend either have more respect for yourself and cut all ties.

Its easy for me to tell you what to do and its hard for you to act on it. You may realise it's the right thing to do but your emotions get in the way asking what ifs and what nots. Its time to take some action and stop waiting for something that might never happen.

[thabisoA]

:cool:
She was involved in the relationship at the early stage. Noe it is then she realize who she really is. It will be wise to give her that space you be cool:cool: open the room of disappointment that may occur if it will. Never let love blind your judgment and your mind please.

Love is like tree that needs to be looked after respectfully and decently with dignity.
Love is a feeling that can be created from the positive emotions toward the person you saw and got hooked to. This is just a basic foundation of a relationship like putting a seed in the soil.

That seed need water to grow when it is out of the soil, the tree need you to remove weeds that may cause the tree not to get freedom of growth, needs to be proved so the love it is.

There are things that you like to do and attitude and your principles you have to compromise just to keep your relationship to be rich of love.

Love is pure and emotional and it is the basic foundation of the relationship, but a relationship has nothing to do with what you feel that is where you have to apply you mind properly.

Love is the source