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    sureal123's Avatar
    sureal123 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Mar 4, 2009, 03:02 PM
    What's in my boy's head?
    I have been in a relationship for more than 3 years now. People look at me and my boyfriend as a perfect couple. But lately, I am having huge doubts about our relationship. We both are full-time students and have part-time job. The only time we see each other is mostly at nights that too around mid-night. On the weekends, we both don’t work, but we still don’t see each other because he likes to spend time with his friend. So, mid-nights of weekdays is the only time we have for each other. If I talk to him about it, he says I am being too demanding. But I feel like I am not. I am still happy cause at least we have our nights together. But during the vacations too, he doesn’t have time for me. His face lightens up when he’s around his friends playing poker, but while he’s with me, all he thinks about is going back to his friends. Am I being unfair to him? Am I asking too much? Just two days ago, he told me we will spend a whole day together. Next thing you know, he comes to see me at 4pm, his friend calls him, he leaves promising me that he will be back soon. Then he calls me back at 6, says he is going out with his friends for dinner, doesn’t call until 10. Then I call him instead at 10, and then he says, he’s playing poker with his friends, he wants me to come to his place, he will play until 1am and then we can talk? I am just so confused, what the hell is going on in his head. Does he even care how I feel? Or is it me who’s being too pushy and demanding. I can’t share my problem with any of my roommates or friends, because he doesn’t like if I talk about us with anybody. So, I thought maybe this would be the right place to get all my answers.
    Please help. Please be honest. If I am the real problem, then I want to change myself. If my boyfriend is getting over me, I want to move on.
    MsMewiththat's Avatar
    MsMewiththat Posts: 854, Reputation: 136
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    #2

    Mar 4, 2009, 03:21 PM

    Don't get caught up thinking you're the problem or ever change yourself for some one else. Although you may have a committed relationship you should follow your instincts on this one. You deserve more than the late night contact. They have a name for that and it's not pretty. BOOTIE CALL. Not at all fair to put that tkitle on your relationship, but I say it to say you deserve better than that.
    My thoughts are this. Don't except the late night visits, continue to ask him to see you at a more appropriate hour and see what happens?
    Fizzy Burst's Avatar
    Fizzy Burst Posts: 34, Reputation: 6
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    #3

    Mar 4, 2009, 03:23 PM

    It sounds like he just doesn't have time for you. It's not you that is the problem, and have all the right to want time together, but it doesn't sound like he is on the same page. You are just not his priority in life right now is what it sounds like.
    Fizzy Burst's Avatar
    Fizzy Burst Posts: 34, Reputation: 6
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    #4

    Mar 4, 2009, 03:28 PM

    Sureal, you gave this response in a post to someone else, "Don't let his decisions control your life." Take your own advice now. Your boyfriend is making these decisions to be out with his friends. Don't let these decisions control your life now. If his friends are more important then it is time for you to move on to someone else who has time for you.
    artlady's Avatar
    artlady Posts: 4,208, Reputation: 1477
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    #5

    Mar 4, 2009, 03:31 PM

    You need to have a serious talk about expectations.What can you honestly expect from the relationship and what can he expect.I might add they should be realistic expectations that is equally fair to both parties.

    If he doesn't like you talking to your friends about your personal life(say what?)he sounds demanding.Add to that his selfish behavior and it sounds as if the one who is in need of changing their behavior is him.

    Don't be his door mat,believe me no man is worth sacrificing yourself respect for.Stand up for yourself!
    sureal123's Avatar
    sureal123 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Mar 4, 2009, 03:38 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Fizzy Burst View Post
    Sureal, you gave this response in a post to someone else, "Don't let his decisions control your life." Take your own advice now. Your boyfriend is making these decisions to be out with his friends. Don't let these decisions control your life now. If his friends are more important then it is time for you to move on to someone else who has time for you.
    I know. But we all know, its easier said than done. My big concern was if I needed to change myself. If I was asking too much. If I was jealous seeing him spend time with his friends and not me. I don't like to be called a jealous girlfriend. I want my boyfriend to live his life his own way. I am particular about my independence too. And because of this reason, he and his friends think that I am a very controlling girlfriend. I don't want to go crazy over him (even though I know I am). I just can't face the fact that this is happening to me. This is the only place I am pouring my heart out. I don't have friends or family who will listen to my trouble. I just found out recently that my boyfriend was lying to be about some stuff (not a big thing), but lying is lying. I don't understand, what he thinks about me. I am just not ready as of now to let him go. But looks like that is the only possible way to follow to get rid of this heart ache.
    UnluckyDucky's Avatar
    UnluckyDucky Posts: 210, Reputation: 110
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    #7

    Mar 4, 2009, 06:30 PM
    Based on what you've said, it almost sounds to me like he may have a gambling problem. Do you know if he just plays poker with his friends or do they go out to a local casino or poker room? Was he like this before you met him and just noticed a change in behavior recently?
    sureal123's Avatar
    sureal123 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Mar 4, 2009, 06:59 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by UnluckyDucky View Post
    Based on what you've said, it almost sounds to me like he may have a gambling problem. Do you know if he just plays poker with his friends or do they go out to a local casino or poker room? Was he like this before you met him and just noticed a change in behavior recently?
    No, he just plays with his friends. Its just something he does to have fun. Obviously, he is spending my share of time on playing cards, but no, I don't think he has a gambling problem. Thanks for replying.
    friend4u178's Avatar
    friend4u178 Posts: 3,349, Reputation: 1584
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    #9

    Mar 4, 2009, 07:09 PM

    Successful Relationships are a 2 way street and this one certainly isn't.

    If he doesn't want to spend time with you then tell him you don't want to spend time with him either , then give him this website and he can come on here and ask "What did I do wrong"

    We'll tell him!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #10

    Mar 8, 2009, 10:52 AM
    Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you an option in theirs.


    If he isn't listening, find someone who will!!
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