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shamrock222 · Feb 26, 2009, 06:38 PM

Hi,
I was not raised by my father, having lived in an orphange. So I am finding it very hard to deal with my 15 yr old son who prefers to ignore me and has this ability to come up with very cutting remarks. All attempts to speak or be involved are totally ignored. But he gets all he wants from my wife, his mum. His elder sister, my 18 yr old daughter was never such a problem. Looking forward to some advice.

Thanking you.

earl237 · Feb 26, 2009, 06:47 PM

Hi, most teenagers go through a rebellious phase where they think they know everything and don't listen to advice. Still, disrespect should not be tolerated and he should be punished when he crosses the line. Discipline needs to be a team effort with your wife, it won't work if one parent is strict and one is lenient. Just be tough with him and hope that he will outgrow it by the time he is 19 or 20. I did some dumb things when I was a teenager, but I grew up and became a decent, hardworking person and I hope things work out for you too. Good luck.

Jake2008 · Feb 26, 2009, 08:14 PM

Raising teenagers is a challenge like no other. I have rarely talked to anyone with kids who haven't pulled their hair out at one time or another.

One of the things you might do is concentrate on the positive. Is he doing okay in school, is he following curfew, does he have a part time job, is he talking at all about his future plans. Is he generally agreeable most of the time, and has 'moments' of behaviour as you describe. More to the point, the behaviour is the exception rather than the rule.

I found with one of mine, they'd do the silent treatment or cutting insults with either me, or my husband, it went back and forth. The only thing that kept everybody on a relatively even keel was that we did things together, and were united.

As has been said, when one gives in, it undermines everything, and pits parents against each other.

Also, I agree, this too will pass.

Tegzbabes · Feb 27, 2009, 03:03 PM

Im a teenager so I know, you just need to step back. Im not saying put up with it but you have to try and understand were he is coming from. Try and think what might be annoying him or upsetting him, but I know the most annoying thing is when your parents won't stop going on to you about how your behaving... Try talking to him but if that does not work then try and work out what might be bothering him. There may be a chance that he just wants to be nderpendant, which is normal as he is 15

MsMewiththat · Feb 27, 2009, 03:13 PM

I have a teeneager and I have found the one thing that gets us through it is respect. It sounds to me that perhaps a little of what is in your history may come out in how you parent him. That's not a bad thing, but may need a little tweaking. Teenagers now are so different than teenagers when we were growing up. It's difficult to allow them things when they are being disrespectful, pull back on privileges and allow him to earn them back with respect. RE TRAIN THE BRAIN. Secondly, pick your battles. Dear lord, if I was upset about all of it, I would work myself into a complete stroke. Don't sweat the small stuff. As stated earlier on here, start doing things with him, enter his world a little and see what's going on... open up the lines of communication. At 15 times ticking for them, they are ready to be independent but don't have all the skills to do so yet. It's a growing process and they are having some growing pains. Best of Luck

artlady · Feb 27, 2009, 03:19 PM

His bad behavior needs to stop being rewarded by Mom.She is teaching him a very bad lesson,that there are no consequences.

The next time he is disrespectful and then wants something she needs to tell him *you get what you deserve and right now you don't deserve anything*.

Teens will be teens and there are always struggles but you need to have firm ground rules and when there is a deal breaker there must be consequences.Make sure he know what you expect from him and if he can't comply,he gets what he deserves.

That is how it is in the real world and they need to grasp that before they venture out into it.

shamrock222 · Feb 28, 2009, 02:53 PM

Thank you all so much for your helpful responses. I was getting overwhelmed by his behavior but I can now see that the root of the problem is what Artlady has mentioned. The "tremblings" unfortunately are tremors. I take comfort in Jake2008's reminder that 'this too shall pass'. But what is unfortunate is the tremblings that my son is inheriting. My response to his last nasty outburst was to ignore him totally. He is a good boy, deep down, and I feel he knows he has taken it too far . But my wife has other ideas and the poor boy is probably confused. Thanking you all again for your time and wisdom.