[streve]

I'll try to make this as short as possible...

So we dated for roughly two months till she decided to end it all the sudden. She did it last Wednesday. Things were great and we both agreed we liked spending time with each other. She even said it numerous times to me and friends that I was a great guy and things were turning around for her in the relationship department. I was really thinking the same thing.

To start things off, I found a note under some paper on her desk that had a guys contact info on it along with "Cliff notes" about him. I questioned her saying is there something I should be worried about. She said she was talking to him before she even met me. He had to move over seas for work. She had a webcam and Skype (free internet phone calls.. etc) installed on her PC. She admitted she used that stuff to talk to him. She said she hasn't and doesn't talk to him anymore, nor does she have any contact to him and doesn't want to talk to him. I still wasn't convinced so I asked why it was all still there if she never uses it anymore. She told me she has never lied to me and there is nothing to worry about and that she doesn't ever delete things on her computer. I let it go and trusted what she was telling me.

The Friday before the break up, she called me after work to tell me how her day was and was all chipper towards me (nothing out of the ordinary). She planned on spending time with her mother that night but forgot it was her parents were going away that night for V-Day. She asked if I wanted to do something with her. Of course, I had no problem with it so we did dinner and a movie. The next day, V-Day, we went downtown and spent the whole day doing things and eventually went back to my place for dinner. The whole day was great to me... she put forth the effort to hold my hand while walking... etc. I don't think you'll want to hear the rest of the night... lol. The next day, Sunday, we went to see a movie and she treated me to lunch afterwards. She decided to go home after that and do something around her house. She left something at my house so I told her. She came back that night and got what she left. I guess she didn't want to come and go, so we watched a movie. During the movie, she was cuddly and all was cool in my eyes. She left and all was cool then. We had Monday. I planned on hanging with a friend and she wanted to spend the day shopping with her mom. We talked through text and all was normal in the way she responded (She always put smiles and such). That Tuesday, I mentioned to her in the morning about watching together Idol that night. She said she'll see. After she got off work, she texted me with "I am really tired". I simply said "so are we not hanging out tonight?". She just said she wanted to rest and such. I was cool with it. We talked that night a bit through text but her responses were short and bland. She did watch the show too. When asked, she assured me nothing was wrong and she wasn't mad at me or anything. Wednesday, the day she ended it, she texted me cause she wanted to talk to me cause some things were bothering her. I asked if I should be worried, she said "maybe a little". Of course, the millions of thoughts set it. So, she came over that night and she started with "we spend too much time together". I laughed and said I guess NOW you're going say we need a break? I said I didn't understand that if we spend a lot of time together and we both enjoyed it, that it was an issue. She then said she doesn't think she's over her ex (from a year ago). Again, I didn't understand that reasoning either. I questioned why we even started the relationship if she felt this way. She changed the subject to say then that she didn't feel the spark she had before. I got fed up and told her I am not wasting my breath because it sounds like she already had her mind made up. I said I hope she doesn't regret her decision followed by there won't be a second chance. I don't give second chances. She got up and left. Don't see what was "bothering" her either!

She also told her friends that she did it only because the spark wasn't there. Whether they know about the other dude, is beyond me. I can assume though.

I haven't had contact with her since, but a friend of mine told me he noticed the dude and her became friends on Facebook the day after we broke up.

The only logical things I can think of is that:
1) she talked to him the whole time and didn't want to have the truth come out to look like a liar later. So she ended it with other excuses.
2) he contacted her out of the blue shortly before she broke up with me and to safe face, she had to play the game of acting like things aren't cool, make up excuses and break up with me. Thus, to talk to him in freedom without me being skeptical about it.

Either way, I don't appreciate being lied to over and over. A few times I felt like contacting her just to get my closure but I always tell myself it's not the right thing to do.

I guess I needed to vent, but I appreciate thoughts and advice?

[Wondergirl]

As a female myself, I'm guessing nothing was sudden. We usually think these things through and act in a "normal" way until it all gels in our heads.

The "spark" wasn't there any longer (for her)? The "rush" was gone and keeping the relationship going got to be boring or hard work? Now there's a new "spark"?

The "no spark" comment is your closure. Now do NC and date until you find someone worthy of you.

[smalltowngal]

Sounds to me like you already have a pretty good handle on what happened. I also think that the contact with the other guy was always there. Just seems suspicious. Regardless, at least she had the decency to end things with you rather than string you along.

While I see nothing to be gained by contacting her, maybe it would be helpful for you to get your feelings off your chest. I guess I don't see any harm in it if it's what you feel you need to do. Good luck!

[talaniman]

Her reasons are her own, all you have to do is say adios, and move on.

[streve]

Wondergirl, I see what you're saying but it would have been nice for it to just come out once things went south in her head. Then again, I am a straight shooter and have no problem telling it like it is and I guess I was expected the same from her. I had no suspicion until the night before. Having a big heart, I am a bit hurt that I was strung along and beaten around the bush on a reason why. It hurts to be lied to and have my emotions played with.

smalltowngal, I think I got the point across to her that I wasn't believing her "reasoning" by saying I wasn't wasting my breath talking about it, so contacting her will only make me look like a fool looking for answers that I won't get.

I appreciate the responses and insight.

[smalltowngal]

Good for you! We often tend to think with our hearts at times like this, but it sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders and are thinking very clearly. You are well on your way to moving on. :)

[ylaira]

She thought it's over and tried things on you but she didn't feel that spark.

Okay, let them spark and find a spark of your own.

That's dating life. Sparks, you park, things sizzles but a lot fizzles...

[Wondergirl]

Wondergirl, I see what you're saying but it would have been nice for it to just come out once things went south in her head. Then again, I am a straight shooter and have no problem telling it like it is and I guess I was expected the same from her.

Women aren't like men in so many ways, including how they break up. Women will think and dream and imagine and write and chat with friends. The whole process may take weeks before a women clues in the current boyfriend -- and by that time she may have the next boyfriend lined up so she won't be alone when the current guy is out of her life. Meanwhile, she keeps the relationship going steadily enough, and the current boyfriend ends up blindsided by the "sudden" news of the breakup. Of course, for her, it isn't sudden at all.

Be forewarned, and read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

[Romefalls19]

Whatever the reason, it's over and you deserve better. It will take time, but through NC you will find yourself in a better spot

[slapshot_oi]

I heard the great guy line twice in my time, and when I hear that I know I'm doomed. You were too nice, it happens. Don't think you can win her back by being a jerk, but if you do run into her act like you don't care.

And sometimes not caring doesn't even work, because the girl is so used to someone badgering her.

And Wondergirl is right. The first time I broke up with a 2-monther, the girl was dating someone else in a month. As for the second girl, I have no idea but I'm sure she did the same, and I really could care less.