[turo911]

Hello and thank you for taking the time to answer this question that is driving me nuts!

Well, I have been dating my girlfriend who is in high school and a few years younger than I am for almost 7 months now. When we began to be sexually active, we had sex almost every day sometimes more than once a day. I was going trough a lot of stressful things outside of my relationship which began to distract me sexually and caused temporary ED.

She dated a guy for 2 years who I know and apparently they had a really active sexual relationship which she initiated all the time she has told me. She says it was the only way she could get him to pay attention to her. Now, I pay a lot of attention, I'm romantic, I take care of her and always make sure that she's being loved, ECT.. just being a good and kind boyfriend.

Recently, she has decided to stop having sex with me as much, we went 1.5 weeks w/o having sex. She doesn't let me touch her. I am the one who always initiates sex or shows interest in it. She says she feels like I'm pushing her into it and wants to not have it for a long time, the former is false. All I have done is ask, perhaps relentlessly why she has lost interest in me and how I don't think it's fair to me to feel unwanted and rejected by the woman who I love and loves me; I never once said have sex with me or else.. nothing like that.

I want to fix this so I stopped asking her, and I am trying to control my sex drive. It's hard because she's beautiful and very desirable. I hate to compare myself and her ex however, I can't help but to because I need to figure out what's going on. She thinks I'm always sad, but I hate to tell her it's because I want more physical interaction because for one, it'll be redundant and two, I don't want her to feel worse. I'm just really lost about what to do...

... It almost feel like one of those "nice guys finish last" situations.

[Synnen]

How old are YOU?

[Fr_Chuck]

Well for starts if going a week without sex is hard for you to control your sex drive, you have other issues you need to address. Learning self control is first on your list.

Next in high school, OK in the US, that makes you a sexual preditor in about 1/2 of the US states.

Sounds like she may be a little more mature perhaps knowing that there is so much more to relationsips than sex.

[turo911]

First of all, to those who answered, she's 18 and a SENIOR in high school, I think a little too much Dateline NBC for some people. Perhaps Fr_Chuck didn't go to high school because he/she doesn't know that you can be 18 and in high school. So, having sexual relations with an adult (topic of discussion... ADULT SEXUALITY) makes me a sexual preditor in 1/2 of the states? Hmm... a lot of us are in BIG trouble then. You should probably stick to passing judgement it seems that's what you're an expert on. It certainly isn't reading and comprehending.

[turo911]

How old are YOU?

I'm 19, she's 18. Everyone Ok with that?

.. Good

[Synnen]

Frankly--you're a bit defensive.

I'm well aware that some teenage seniors are 18--I was one of them.

I just wanted to make sure of YOUR age, and that YOU are an adult posting in here. You posted that she was in high school, and you were a few months older. From where I'm standing, that could have made her 14 and a freshman in high school, with you being either tutored from home, a high school dropout, a visitor from another country, what have you.

The answer to your original question, however, is one you won't like: Stop making it about sex. Stop THINKING about sex. Stop pushing for sex, and stop thinking that once every 1.5 weeks is BAD. That's perfectly healthy, frankly.

Make ALL of your touching not about sex. If you're kissing, and hoping it will lead to sex, and thinking that way, you're not enjoying the KISS, which is real. Instead, you're thinking of the sex, which probably doesn't mean (or feel) anywhere near as much (good) for her as it does for you.

You're both young. There's a LOT that could be on her mind--pregnancy, whatever. She needs to finish school before she can get serious about ANYTHING in her life, including you. And really--7 months isn't all that long to be dating, especially if you started having sex early in the relationship. Once the stardust wears off a bit, then reality sets in, and it's less exciting in some ways.

Don't get me wrong--I'm not saying what you have isn't "real" or anything like that. I'm just saying that she's probably telling you the truth: she probably IS feeling pressured into having sex, because YOU focus on sex. If you're sad because you're not being physical with her, especially after only 7 months, well---what happens if she's in a car accident and can't be physical with you for the rest of her life? Are you still going to be sad? Or will you be happy with what you CAN have with her?

Ease off a bit on everything, and enjoy what you DO have, and I bet it comes back to a level you like.

[smoothy]

Guys your age frequently tend to focus purely on having sex and forget about everything else. Not uncommon and yes it frequently ticks off the women. Most guys outgrow this eventually. Women mature earlier emotionally than guys do.

Never lose focus of the fact its her body, she calls the shots... if you can't wait there is always your right hand. If you can't truly respect her wishes then you aren't the sort of guy she really needs.

Point is stop moping around sulking because you can't get it whenever you want it. You are going to understand my point in a few years. But she isn't a sperm receptical. She is feeling like one and your focus on sex is proving her point to her.

Sorry to sound harsh... but that's the facts. I'm a guy, I've been your age, I've known quite a few guys that age obviously as well. I'm speaking out of experience.