[carpediem]

Hi There

This is my first time posting.. I know I will be judged and I know I will be called names.. I am ready for it.. I need to be slapped into some sense. However I want you to first read carefully what got me in this position.. I consider myself a smart woman (I know this will come back to me.. ), and I believe I can make the right choice. However I don't feel I should.. and that is my dilemma, I am going against my culture, morals, believe, education and self respect.. ugh.. what a sucker:eek:

So, here it goes.. I'v been married for over 15years and have over 3 kids. I supported my spouse for 80% of the marriage.. I always made the sacrifices in the marriage.from moving, working, house chores.. raising the kids etc..

I finally took action and asked for divorce.. it has been 2 years and it still pending.. My spouse is asking for a HUGE amount of alimony.. (never watched the kids while at home either.. so I still had chilcare cost).. also my spouse wants me to pay the house , utilities, etc.. I am keeping the kids.. So needless to say this is a tough situation Divorce is taking long because there is always a reason on the other side.. delaying it, costing more money.l in the meantime.. I support both households..

I recently discovered , this spouse has a "younger" partner(15+) who believes that I am actually the one asking for everything ad depend on my spouse.. My spouse started a whole new life, friends, social life.. and now I have this "kid" in my house while I struggle with my children 900 miles away.. I realized I had been paying for their relationship too, since this person has ZERO income.. (ugh.. you. An and I called me smart!)

Well, now here is problem.. I have been so hurt lately that I told myself I would make a list of the perfect person and I would find it and be happy.. well, so I started as a joke to make me feel better come up with a list of potentials.. no one of them knew me of probably would ever hear from me.. however , one did.. and this person is the perfect one.. I never ever thought I would feel like this again.. no I haven't slept with this person or kissed or even hold hands.. but I sure want to.. I feel guilty and I feel ike I am cheating!

I can let myself go.. but more importantly what is holding me back is the fact that this person is married :mad::(.. he spend hours talking and writing each other letters.. they make my day go by with a smile.. I can finally go to sleep with happy thought and not wondering who is on my bed in another state.. so , I can tell our feelings are mutual and we wrote about it.. this person claims "the other spouse" is OK with friends outside the marriage.. however this person openly told me.. he has no intentions of ever leaving the other person.. at least not now.. I can understand that since we are only friends.. but I can see myself falling in love so fast I know I will hurt.. but I don't want to stop..

So, if the other person is OK with outside "friends" as long as at the end of the day this person goes home.. should I then worry about what is right? Should I use this relationship to help me be stronger while I am coign through divorce and see where it goes?

I know is easy to say stop now before it is too late.. but shouldn't I deserve to be happy? To feel human, special, wanted? Or use this person.. as cheating people use single people?

Any advise is appreciated it.. another note.. in only 2 weeks I have such a close connection with this person I never felt in my life. And I don't really want to marry again so I am not looking anything long term either..

carpediem

[chuff]

well, now here is problem.. I have been so hurt lately t

this person claims "the other spouse" is ok with friends outside the marriage.. however this person openly told me..he has no intentions of ever leaving the other person.. at least not now..

At least not ever. This guy sees you are hurt, he sees you are lonely, and he sees you are struggling emotionally, so what he's done is set himself up as the hero, the knight in shining armor. The problem is he's married so for him to get away with this he plays both sides of the coin and says, "my wife is okay with it, but I'm never leaving her" which is a huge, I mean slap me in the face huge wake up call that his wife is in fact not okay with it, and completely unaware that this is going on.

but I can see myself falling in love so fast I know I will hurt .. but I dont want to stop..

If you are going to get hurt then why don't you want to stop? The reality is you want a way out of your current situation, and this guy came along a just the right time to play on that. You are correct, you will get hurt if you keep this up.

should I use this relationship to help me be stronger while I am coign through divorce and see where it goes??

The most important person in the relationship is you, and you should be using this time to learn about, understand, come to know, and build yourself back up. Forget about him, he's a band aid to the current problem.

I know is easy to say stop now before it is too late.. but shouldnt I deserve to be happy? to feel human, special, wanted? or use this person..as cheating people use single people??

Do you deserve everything you said. Yes. Are you going to get it, sleeping with a married man while attempting to "use" him. Never.

Any advise is appreciated it.. another note.. in only 2 weeks I have such a close connection with this person I never felt in my life. And I don't really want to marry again so I am not looking anything long term either..

carpediem [/QUOTE]

[carpediem]

Thank you ! I agree,. but it is nice to have someone to talk to.. perhaps I make sure it doesn't become physical, I am sure there is a fine line betwee that.. so I will slowly back off from talking to him and writing him emails.. :(