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rhalm24 · Feb 15, 2009, 08:20 AM

Hello I fathered a daughter she is now 18 I couldn't afford an attorney but when she was 16 I found her and we talked 2-3 months no problem then they her mother and step dad but a restaning order against me now she is 18 and her mom filled her head and she won't talk to me petternity was never determined but I know she's mine she now has a baby at 18 I missed out on 18 yrs of her life I don't want to miss out on any more and I don't want to miss out knowing my grandson can anyone help me thanks

asking · Feb 15, 2009, 08:38 AM

I am not a lawyer, but I can't think of any way you can force an emancipated adult to see you who doesn't want to.

How much, if any, child support did you pay toward feeding and housing your daughter over the years?

stevetcg · Feb 15, 2009, 09:30 AM

Asking has it right - your grievance is between you and your daughter now... and since you are both adults, you really have no where to turn but to her.

ScottGem · Feb 15, 2009, 09:32 AM

We need some more background here. Are on the birth certificate? Did you approach her without informing the parents? What grounds were given for the restraining order?

rhalm24 · Feb 15, 2009, 11:30 AM

My daughter I didn't pay any support she played the game that she wasn't mine was mine I didn't know where she lived un till she was 16 we talked every night for 3-4 months then just one day I got served with a restraing order and I didn't have the money to fight if I did I would have fought all her mom does is talk bad about me when I first found her at 16 she said she wanted to get to know me but that never happened

ScottGem · Feb 15, 2009, 11:38 AM

First, this is not text speak, we prefer that you write in complete sentences with reasonable grammar so we can understand. Second, If we ask for more info, please supply all the info we asked for. Otherwise we cannot help.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 15, 2009, 02:09 PM

If the 18 year old will not talk to you, there is nothing at all you can do, legally or not legally. You can send her a letter or two a year, a christmas and birthday card but in the end if she wants to hate you her entire life, she has can.

rhalm24 · Feb 17, 2009, 08:58 AM

I fathered a girl 18 yrs ago and never had contact with her because I didn't know where she or her mother lived she now has a son do I still have grandparents rights even though my daughter wants nothing to do with me her mom has filled her head with lies and I can't even get my daughter to talk to me to explain my side please help me I missed 18yrs of my daughters life I don't want to miss my grandsons life

stevetcg · Feb 17, 2009, 09:17 AM

Depends on where you and they live, but from the state statutes that I have read, your rights are minimal to the grandchild, usually only coming into play when the grandparent is the parent of the child's non-custodial parent.

I would continue to work on your relationship with your daughter.

ScottGem · Feb 17, 2009, 09:48 AM

I've merged your two threads. Please don't start a second thread with the same question.

asking · Feb 17, 2009, 10:11 AM

Your impulse to force yourself on your daughter is not healthy.

Give her lots of space and if you want to forge a bond with her and eventually --much later--your grandson, you are going to have to think of this as a very lonng term project that will take years. Begin by writing brief notes no more often than every two months. Send small but useful gifts for the baby or your daughter, nothing too expensive and nothing too personal. The gifts should be thoughtful and small, but not chintzy. Do not try to cross any boundaries. Think about what would be welcome and really help her. You'll have lots of time to think about this, so do. If at any time she responds, you should show appreciation, but do not immediately amp up your contact. Be patient.