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Susie1 · Feb 11, 2009, 02:09 PM

I'm new here, but I visit often and enjoy reading and learning...
Okay, here goes, 10 years ago my friend and her sister, (will refer to them as "girls") introduced me to a male friend of theirs in the hopes of us hooking up. He is 8 years younger and I have always wanted someone my same age or older. Which made me not interested. Through the years we have become some what friends while going out in a group.

The "girls" have always teased us and pushed us towards hooking up. I have always brushed them off and told them about our age difference. This man and I always bicker and the girls say its our way of flirting. Yes, we flirt, but we never tell them to stop teasing us. When I asked if he liked me the girls will not say, but I always assumed he would flirt and notice me because THEY push him, just as they do that to me. But, at least it was fun and I enjoyed the attention. It flattered me.

After ten years of not expecting anything, in Dec. 2007, he emailed me and suggested a movie (I love movies). We made arrangements and met at the theater (we live on two opposite sides of town 30-40 minutes away. We met mid town, saw the movie and went home. We had an okay conversation while waiting for the movie and huged and kissed (on cheek) goodnight, like we always do when out with the girls. We did not do dinner because I could not meet him earlier.

I was out of town for 2 weeks for the holidays, when I got back one of the girls called and invited me to an after holiday get-together at her house saying he suggested it. We got together exchanged gifts (all four of us) and went to a movie. We acted like nothing had gone on. He huged me for a long time and one of the girls looked at me and smiled like she knew.

2 weeks ago I saw the girls and one asked me what was going on with the two of us. I said "nothing is going on" and that was it. No more questions. I never mentioned to the girls that him and I did the movie thing, wanting to keep some stuff to ourselves, I guess he did and they were just wanting to know what I thought and maybe tell him.

Why hasn't he called. I feel that he only asked me out because he was being pushed. Was I a chanllenge?

I wished we had left things like before now I feel uncomfortable. What do you think. I tend to over analyze things all the time. Yes, I feel like a teenager (not, over 40, but not very experienced in relationships or dating).

I kind of want him to call just so that I know I was a good date. Insecurity in me.

ISneezeFunny · Feb 11, 2009, 02:23 PM

... no kidding about the insecurities...

Well, this is coming from the guy's perspective.

Say I was being teased about this girl... and from the little amount of intel I gathered, I found out that this girl isn't really that interested in guys that are younger than her. This tells me that she has no interest in me. We're all close friends, so we hang out on occasion, and after a while, I decide to ask her to a movie, and nothing out of the ordinary happened. We just had a "friendly date."

IF this guy is interested in you, he's taking his sweet time because he's a bit scared about how to approach you. If he isn't, then he just isn't, and it was a friendly date.

If you want to find out for yourself, why not ask him out on a date and ask him face to face? I know it sounds ridiculous that a girl makes the moves, but it's the new millennium... us guys sometimes appreciate not doing all the work.

Susie1 · Feb 11, 2009, 02:44 PM

I appreciate you taking your time to comment. Coming from a guy allows me to see his point of view. I agree with you.

ISneezeFunny · Feb 11, 2009, 02:46 PM

No problem at all, it's what I'm here for.

I want to know, though... how do you feel about the guy? Are you actually interested in him or are you just missing the attention?

Susie1 · Feb 11, 2009, 03:17 PM

I liked the attention, but sometimes I think I do like him. I feel jealous when I hear him talk about other women.

I think I'm afraid of getting hurt (aren't we all) because of our age difference. This is what I always use as an excuse. Hence, I always implied to the girls that he needed to ask ME out when they suggested I invite him somewhere.

Just confused, at the end of our "friendly date" he said he really enjoyed it and would like to do it again! (I know, it's like when guys say they'll call, I know that they don't always do, but we are friends). Since, I bought tickets because I got there first, he mentioned that he owed me a movie. I know, I need to let men feel like men and stop paying for my stuff.

Basically, I think that if I heard from him that he liked me and what he thought, I would give it a chance. I think I need to hear it from him. I don't get why the girls won't tell me... we are girls, they should know we as women like to hear that stuff. They are more his friends than mine, they have know each other since childhood. I will not ask them, one of them is mouthy and will put me on the spot. I did once, asked if they knew something, they just said they were playing cupid.

Thanks again

liz28 · Feb 11, 2009, 04:23 PM

This might sounds silly but it could've happen.

Maybe he likes you and since you, him, and the girls are all friends he relay information to them about you so they can get an answer from you about him. And since your telling them that your not interested they could be telling him that and in return it could be hurting him.

I know it sounds chilish but he seems like he does things through them like the after hooliday get together that he really put together.

To ge honest I don't like guys like this because I like someone who he direct and don't need to get a third party involve. However if I liked someone I would go after them instead of waiting for their move. To lignten the mood you can start with "hey want happen to that call" in a joking matter of course. So if you've his number put it use.

Susie1 · Feb 11, 2009, 04:33 PM

Thanks Liz28,

Sometimes I think he does, you know, the way he looks at me and actions, and then sometimes I wonder.

I try to hint to the girls that if someone likes you that person needs to fess up with out middle men. But nothing works.

The girls are ALWAYS bringing him up, suggesting things...

One thing I don't want is to tell them I do like him, So much pushing... I'm starting to think I do... manipulation of the brain??

I planned on asking him how he felt about the girls always pushing the next time I see him alone, but he hasn't called.

Thanks your input.

liz28 · Feb 11, 2009, 05:54 PM

Your welcome but I wanted to add don't let his age stop from taking things beyond the friend zone. Guys have been dating younger women for years so don't let age stop you from your happiness.

My fiancé is older than me by 9 years. I am 28 and he's 37.

Any who, yes call him. And if the two of you become a couple try not to get the "girls" too much involve.