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jeepgrl015 · Feb 9, 2009, 11:04 AM

Okay, well this is going to be a lengthy post. I recently lost my father and grandfather and boyfriend of 5yrs. Now, those were three men in my life that until they were gone, I didn't appreciate them to the fullest. Okay, so since then, I have felt that I didn't have a place in the world. I have my brothers and my mom, but everyone around me is in a relationship,dating someone serious or married or engaged. I feel as though, I blew my chances at a relationship and it will never happen for me.
All of that happned in July and August. In September, my friend suggested I get out there and try this dating website. Probably like the rest of the population, I looked at her and laughed. I mean, is this what it came down to? A dating website? As I sat there at work and wallowed in my sadness I figured, what can it hurt? So I signed up. The first couple of responses were duds or horny people that needed something I wasn't interested in. Then, came this guy who has been my weakness and who this post is about.
In October, this guy which I will call tim sent emails back and forth. One day he called and asked if I wanted to go out on a date. Well, until this point I have NEVER dated! I was in 2 LONG relationships that all togethr lasted 10yrs! I was new to the whole dating scene. I didn't know what was normal or proper etc. I wish that movie, "hes just not that into you" was out back then. Anyway, we went on the date, it went well we couldn't stop talking and when I got home, he texted me and everything. I thought that this was a good sign. I didn't see him again for almost 3wks. One day I was online, and he IM'ed me. I was sooo excited and we went out again. We had a great time, I went back to his house which NO nothing happened except for kissing and I went home. Once again for the next month or so I didn't hear from him except little sperts. I didn't know what this meant. I never dated I thought this was normal. For some reason I had him up on a pedestal. Tim owned a home,great job stability. He loved the same things I did and I really thought that he and I would end up together. Okay, lets fast forward to now. Since then we have gone to Colorado and since then have spent EVERYDAY with one another. I just got done watching his dogs for him while he was on business and I have his garage door opener,some clothes are there,and some of my food is there and when I sleep over we sleep in the same bed and NOTHING happens.. BUT WERE JUST FRIENDS in his eyes?!
This is unhealthy for me because I think in some way Ihave attached myself to him because he reminds me of my dad the way he eats and the line of work he's in. In another way he reminds me of my ex and everything he wasn't. But in the same aspect, he is someone that I have a great time with and he just sees me as a friend... How do I stop feeling the way I do for him and accept him as just a friend?

Justwantfair · Feb 9, 2009, 11:08 AM

If you are continuing or have new questions you can ask them on your previous threads, than when you receive answers the poster is fully informed to your situation and the previous advice given.

Thank you.

Justwantfair · Feb 9, 2009, 11:11 AM

What has he told you about your relationship?

Have you talked to him about what you are looking for in the future? He has to know that you are emotionally fragile, I would assume that he knows about your situation.

neverme · Feb 9, 2009, 11:12 AM

What exactly has he said about being friends?

I figure it started as something possibly sexual as you met him on a dating site, no?

artlady · Feb 9, 2009, 11:16 AM

You feel what you feel,I don't see how you can try to make your feeling just disappear.

Maybe he is friends with you now but there is no telling what the future holds.I never had a romantic kiss with my friends and I never slept in the same bed either.This is more than just friends.

If you are unhappy about where the relationship is going or not going,have a discussion about it.Ask him what he sees as your future together.Anything else is just speculation.

jeepgrl015 · Feb 9, 2009, 11:16 AM

Well it started as dating, we did sleep together quite a few times and when we got back from a trip he said that "you know were not in a relationship right?" I neve thought we were, but I didn't think that it would evolve into one. He said that the next person he commits to is going to be the "one". He wanted to continue to hang out with me and have fun but he thinks that we should stop sleeping and kissing and all that... THIS is why I'm confused. We are just friends, but how can someone just STOP?

neverme · Feb 9, 2009, 11:18 AM

Well as you said... he's just not that into you.

I know that's harsh but it's the truth.

You can't just un-tick a box if you have feelings for someone and tick the friend box!

You need to not see this guy for a while, especially considering your fragile state.

Justwantfair · Feb 9, 2009, 11:24 AM

That was a huge WARNING sign that you need to run not walk far away from this relationship.

He does not value you or your feelings and although it is a loss when you break up with someone (and you have had more than your share in the last 6 months.) You have to do this for you, this relationship was a friends with benefits that was downgraded and you will not ever be valued in this relationship.

Respect yourself and leave this person.