[gail4848]

I have dated my boyfriend for over 7 years now and we both love each other. I am ready to move forward with marriage and have told my boyfriend I am ready to move forward. I would at least like to be engaged. He says he loves me and wants marriage but will not commit to even an engagement. I am currently unemployed and I am searching for a job. He says that I need to have a permanent job before we can be married or engaged. I told him that we could get engage and not get married right away. At least that is a commitment to marriage in the near future. I feel like he just wants his cake and eat it to. If he truly wanted to marry me it would not be a problem to commit. I am even started counseling with
My minister at church. He tells my minister that he thought he thought by being with me all this time it was a commitment. He knows how I feel about marriage and commitment. He gave me just a ring for christmas and said it was not an engagement ring because I ask him was this meant to be for an engagement, but now in counseling he acts like the ring symbolizes this. I think he is just making excuses and does not want the responsibility of a committed relationship. I also feel like he puts this condition on our relationship because he wants a woman to take care of him if he looses his job. I am a hard worker and I believe both people should contribute. There will be times in life when one of the other no matter how hard they work or try might loose their job. I feel like he does not accept me because of my current situation which to me is a temporary setback. I need advice on whether to leave this realationship because I feel their will always be an excuse with him and I know you can't make someone do anything, unless in their heart they are ready. In the past I have not receive emotional support from him. I have been their for him through a lot of tough times and even took care of him when he had surgery. I even forgave him when I had proof that he had been with another woman. I am an honest caring person and I have given my all, but it takes two to make a relationship work and I feel like that I have done all the work. I need some advice on where to go from here.

[chuff]

You are right. He wants his cake and eat it too. To him your good for the sex, but not the lifetime commitment.

[talaniman]

He obviously likes things the way they are so why change anything and take a chance of ruining what he has.

7 years is a long time to go without coming to an understanding of how this will progress, so if its not going where you want, then say so and make some changes to the relationship, together. If he goes south, but you want to go north, I doubt if living together will work very well.

No I will not say what you should do, but will say work together, or go your own path.

[UnluckyDucky]

At the end of the day it all boils down to what you're ultimately willing to settle with. Like Tal here, I can't tell you what to do because you're the one who's going to have to live with this decision, not us.

One question you might want to start asking yourself is: Am I willing to live with this? If not, my advice is to take the steps necessary to move on.