[MamaNik]

My ex sister in law is about to file for divorce with my exhusband's brother. Unlike my ex, he was more of an involved father but not by much. My sister in law moved to Arkansas when she was 17 to be with him. They were married for 15 years-dated for 4. He has always been very controlling and now at 32 yrs old and receiving her graduate degree-she has had enough of being disregarded and not having any say in their finances, friends, and wants. She wants to move to Florida and start new and have the support of her family because all of his family is in Arkansas and the grandmothers have already begun talking badly about the mother to the grandchildren (ages 11 and 8). Father of children refuses to allow "his children" move out of city (Little Rock) and said he would not sign any divorce papers if moving is requested. Is it best for her to move now before the divorce is filed and therefore it is a non issue?

[ScottGem]

Nope, because she may be forced to move back.

[cdad]

My ex sister in law is about to file for divorce with my exhusband's brother. Unlike my ex, he was more of an involved father but not by much. My sister in law moved to Arkansas when she was 17 to be with him. They were married for 15 years-dated for 4. He has always been very controlling and now at 32 yrs old and receiving her graduate degree-she has had enough of being disregarded and not having any say in their finances, friends, and wants. She wants to move to Florida and start new and have the support of her family because all of his family is in Arkansas and the grandmothers have already begun talking badly about the mother to the grandchildren (ages 11 and 8). Father of children refuses to allow "his children" move out of city (Little Rock) and said he would not sign any divorce papers if moving is requested. Is it best for her to move now before the divorce is filed and therefore it is a non issue?

Its not a non-issue. It's a really big deal. The courts most likely would force her to move back or give up the kids. Also if she is going to divorce him then she needs to have all of her affairs in order.

[MamaNik]

Thanks. What about "the best interest of child" argument. She will have her graduate degree and ability to make a very good salary as a language professor or translator. He on the other hand only has a HS diploma and years of collection agency experience. No specialized training at all and in this economy and with thousands losing work daily, can she use this as a valid argument with success considering Arkansas ranks 50th for employment these days... what kind of future do the children have in that environment? Yes, I know I am stressing but those are my niece and nephew and I escaped the Little Rock Horrors by moving out of state with my 3 kids but my ex could care less at that time. There isn't any future in Little Rock except for law and medical fields.

[cdad]

Thanks. What about "the best interest of child" argument. She will have her graduate degree and ability to make a very good salary as a language professor or translator. He on the other hand only has a HS diploma and years of collection agency experience. No specialized training at all and in this economy and with thousands losing work daily, can she use this as a valid argument with success considering Arkansas ranks 50th for employment these days...what kind of future do the children have in that environment? Yes, i know I am stressing but those are my niece and nephew and I escaped the Little Rock Horrors by moving out of state with my 3 kids but my ex could care less at that time. There isn't any future in Little Rock except for law and medical fields.

So far I don't see a " best interest " argument. She wants to move for money ? That's not best interest when being weighed against removing the children from their father. And from the sounds of it she may have to pay spousal support for using him to get her diploma.

[ScottGem]

I agree with califdad, I don't see a best interest issue and trying to head off the court by moving would not be viewed favorably.

[MamaNik]

Oh, by no means did she use him. I am sorry you got that impression. She worked and tended to the kids while getting her education which she fought hard to do because he didn't see a need for it. She got scholarships and grants for her education also. And the argument isn't about money, she has been wanting to leave Arkansas for years but he wouldn't allow it because he was afraid he couldn't find work. I even attempted to help him years ago find work in tX but this big guy was afraid. She isn't stating to ban him from the children-just be given the chance to provide a better lifestyle, culture and diversity for their children which is what she wanted from the beginning. Marrying at 17 to your JHS sweetheart seems charming but boy are your goals different. So basically she is stuck living in Little Rock for the next 9 years?

[ScottGem]

Marrying at 17 to your JHS sweetheart seems charming but boy are your goals different. So basically she is stuck living in Little Rock for the next 9 years?

I hate to put it this way, but she made her bed and now she has to lie in it. Yes, marrying at 17 was a mistake. I don't think anyone here would have advised to go ahead with that. But she did and she made a commitment.

The point is that he has rights too. She isn't stuck. She can give him custody, make her move and arrange for liberal visitation.

[JudyKayTee]

I hate to put it this way, but she made her bed and now she has to lie in it. Yes, marrying at 17 was a mistake. I don't think anyone here would have advised to go ahead with that. But she did and she made a committment.

The point is that he has rights too. She isn't stuck. She can give him custody, make her move and arrange for liberal visitation.

Absolutely sums it all up.

[MamaNik]

Thank you all for your words of wisdom. I will be sure to pass it on to her and I just pray that her and soon to be ex can find a way to make the best out of a tough situation. Thanks again!