[penny69]

I recently remarried a man with no children. I have two of my own from a previous marriage. My husband is good with the kids. He watches them while I work (I work 12 hour night shifts) and he does love them. The problem is that he feels the need to go out and drink two nights a week. It is always the same nights, Thursday and Sunday. If I have to work he will come home an hour before I have to leave. If I am off he is always late coming home although we have dinner the same time every night.
I have tried talking to him about how his coming home late makes me feel. I told him I feel second best in his life and that he would rather be out then at home with me. I explained to him that it doesn't make me mad that he has his free time, but it is hurtful when he is over extending it all the time. He usually comes back with something sarcastic like "deal with it" or "go cuddle with the cat if your lonely" He also calls me a because I express my feelings. He will take his wedding ring off or hand me the phone and tell me to call someone who cares. I have also tried to get him to look at it from a different perspective, which is that I look forward to seeing him and spending time together. Nothing I say matters. It is like my feelings don't matter as long as he has his fun. Another thing is that he can be mean when he drinks too much, even if I don't say a word. I am starting to think I made a huge mistake.
My question is how much free time do most married people get? Am I being unrealistic when I want him to come home at a decent hour? Or when to expect him? Or should I learn to be more accepting of his behavior even though it hurts me? Please be honest. I am thinking about walking.

[450donn]

So basically you married an alcoholic? I have lived with people who only drank one or two nights a week. Then it turned in three or four. Soon it was every night. Sadly it was my mother and her boy friend. So as a youngster it was sometimes nearly midnight before I got dinner. From the sounds of it, yes you did make a mistake. I would sit him down and have a heart to heart talk with him. The drinking has to stop. He needs to get some professional help for the drinking issues and you both need to get some serious help with your relationship.

[talaniman]

I think a couple defines what goes on in a marriage and stays within the boundaries they set, but that's not your issue, he is a rude unfeeling boor and may never change, so your real issue is can you keep living the way you are? I couldn't. Something would have to change, either his attitude, or your address. ( or his).