[Ciara00]

I need someone to talk to now. I feel as if there is too much inside of my head and I am so overwhelmed.
Is this all confidential? Well anyway, I am having extreme difficulty concerning sexual issues with my boyfriend. I am only 16 and he is over 18, which is against the law here in California to have any sexual contact. Both of us are scared that if my parents suspect anything, they will prosecute him. I know for a fact that they will not hesitate to bring him to court, sentencing him with jail and/or fines. This stresses me because they do not understand the love and care in our relationship. We have been together for about 6 months, and even though I have not given him my virginity yet, we have engaged in sexual acts numerous times.
I always stetch the truth. Everything I type here is true, but in real life it is an uncontrollable habit. I honestly cannot stop myself and it is to the point where I am lying. Right now I feel sick because I was in the E.R. last night, but I am all better now. However, many people think I am extremely sick and I do not know how to act because they expect me to be bedridden for a while. How can I go back to school and practice? I need to go back but I can't because people will know what kind of person I am. I really try to be good to others, but I have no idea why I act this way.
I am in colorguard, which extremely stresses me out. There is too much pressure to look and be perfect on the team. For those who are not familiar with the activity, it is a team the incorporates the spinning of flags and other equipment (mock rifles and sabres) with dance and movement. I become so stressed out before every competition that I am physically sick. After three years of competing, I should not feel this way. These are not extremely important shows. Why am I so stresed out? Everyone else on the team is under control.
I also think I have a hormone imbalance. I have not felt any sexual urges in years. I said earlier I engaged in sexual acts with my boyfriend, but that was only because I wanted to physically show my feelings for him. I did not get any pleasure from anything we did except to know that he had a good time. As a 16 year old, I know it is strange that I have no sexual desire and have not felt any sexual desire since the seventh grade. Then, it was only a little that came with puberty. Now it is gone. Nothing seems to work.
I just want to be with my boyfriend safely without the idea of stautory rape hanging over our heads. I want to be healthy sexually and know my body is normal. I do not want to stress an abnormal amount over everyday occurrences (because truly in colorguard, performing is everyday). I want to finally not stretch the truth, which I have been trying to not do for a while. I want so much to be a good person. Perfect morally.
And I am so stressed out again I feel sick. There is no true reason to be. That makes it worse. Please help.

[Clough]

Hi, Ciara00!

Yes, this is all confidential because you can be anonymous on this site concerning your real name and who you are. However, it's best to be very careful of what you write, because what's written in posts on this site does get very excellent exposure when people do searches for certain types of subjects on the Internet.

I just wanted to let you know about that.

It sounds like you might need to cut back on things that you're doing some, is the first thing that comes to my mind. I'm assuming that your boyfriend is going to graduate this year. Would that be correct?

You're not going to graduate for awhile. You still have many things to do and getting more heavily involved in a relationship might not be in your best interests for at least a couple of years. You don't need to be in a hurry. It's best to be patient...

Besides that, if you blow it too soon before you're ready to take on responsibilities of being an adult, what fun would that be?

An old saying that I like is, "Time will pass, will you?"

Just some initial thoughts for you...

Thanks!