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Fidelio · Jan 20, 2009, 05:19 PM

Hi,

My girlfriend is 3 months pregnant and broke up with me. For emotional issues. It is not something we cannot work on and actually I am working on it. She refuses to work on it.

The result for now is that she has cast me away from the picture. She wants to raise the baby on her own. I am in great pain as I want to be this father and raise our child. It seems to me pretty selfish what she is doing, not only towards me, towards the baby too. I am working on providing the stability she couldn't find in me, which led to the breakup. This is going rather well, soon I'll be able to show her that I am stable. My hope is that then she will reconsider her position. Because for now, I love her but am very very hurt and angry at her for doing this.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

Fidelio

tickle · Jan 20, 2009, 05:59 PM

Fidelio, I hope you are WHAT you say you are, if so, then you sound sincere and I hope you can prove that you will provide love, friendship and a stable environment for her and the baby.

Pregnant ladies are a bit unstable themselves, hormones, emotions are running rampant. They feel a need to protect ferociously, that little being inside them which they will soon give birth to. It is a, I can't explain it, a feeling of nesting sometimes in which the father is not included because she is one with the baby and rightly so.. Don't feel badly, this may pass and she may see the light, be patient and just make her feel the love and protection.

Ms tickle

stevetcg · Jan 20, 2009, 06:00 PM

The bottom line is that she cannot keep you from your child. Once the baby is born (or before... depends on your state) you go to court and file for paternity. You will have to take a DNA test. Assuming you are the father, you will be granted visitation and will be allowed to see your child on a regular schedule. Her feelings about you or her desire to have you out of her life are not a concern of the court. You have rights.

You also have responsibility. You will be paying child support.

Ideally you will make up and things will end happily ever after. But even if they don't, you child is still your child.

Fidelio · Jan 20, 2009, 06:15 PM

Thank you both for your answers which do provide me insight and are helping me feel confident about the situation.
I do have a question for ms Tickle: what did you mean by "I hope you are WHAT you say you are"?

Fr_Chuck · Jan 20, 2009, 06:21 PM

It is possible she will not give you a chance, but that does not mean you can't still be as good of father, just do it to be the father, not trying to get her back if she does not want that.

You get visit rights, you see the child on a regular basis, and you pay your child support.

Example, my son is sick, got sick yesterday, so after work I went to store and got medication and went over and told my son I loved him and left the medication, Today I call and get updates about every two hours.