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Cobalt man · Jan 13, 2009, 07:52 AM

Ok, I have been engaged for the past 9 months, I thought that everything was fine. I love this girl more than life it`s self! We started to fight back and forth a lot, About 5 months ago she told me that she cheated on me with her ex,and begged me not to leave her so I forgave her, Well to make a long story short last night she told me that she has been with him for the past month and she was with him the night before. It just hurts so bad and I don`t know what to do? I am crushed, someone PLEASE HELP I love her. We are done for good but the pain is unberible. Can someone please tell me what to do to get over her?

kctiger · Jan 13, 2009, 07:55 AM

Getting over her:

1. Leave her alone (delete her from your life)
2. Read the stickies at the top of this forum
3. Read "ThatGuy's" post on the thread "What did you learn about yourself after a devastating breakup" (See the link at the bottom of this post)
4. Thank God every single DAY that she is now out of your life... seriously! She did you a favor
5. Cry... cry... and cry man. No shame
6. Be patient, this is going to be hard, but well worth it

I am sorry you have to deal with this, but karma is a biyatch... she will get hers. Now, however, it is YOUR time. Do as you must, but first and foremost, start the healing process now.

Read the 3rd Post on this thread. It is a life changer! (Click Me)

411Help · Jan 13, 2009, 08:07 AM

Wow, I'm sorry for your pain.

But, I'm not sorry for your loss.

She did you a favor.

You can do so much better, and I know it.

After begging for you to stay and for you to forgive her, then for her to do it again? That's just ridiculous. You gave her a chance and she threw it away like used toilet paper.

Now, it's your time to do the same. (throw her away like used toilet paper)

1. Never contact her again.
2. Work out a lot.
3. Communicate closely with friends and family.
4. Update your progress with us.
5. Stay strong, we're here for you.

Romefalls19 · Jan 13, 2009, 08:07 AM

Kc is right, the pain you are going through will ease with time. But only through NC and building a life that doesn't have her in it. I have been cheated on before so I know what you are feeling, but let me tell you the pain is there to let you know that you are alive and something better is out there waiting for you.

kctiger · Jan 13, 2009, 08:09 AM

There is a movie quote (also a well known military quote)

"You know the best thing about pain..."
"No sir..."
"It lets you know you are still alive!"

JSingle911 · Jan 13, 2009, 08:10 AM

Good advice up above. To add to it, make sure you realize that she is the exception, not the rule. Don't let what she did color your impressions of all other women, because that can lead down the path to treating women poorly. She was a one-in-a-hundred cheater, and likely the next lady you meet will not do the same thing to you.

Also, you probably have a lot of pent-up frustration from her betrayal. Take it out with something physical. Do you like to hunt, fish, exercise, do martial arts? If you can focus your energy into something physical, it will help you release that energy and keep you from getting too down about it. Endorphins are magic!

talaniman · Jan 13, 2009, 08:15 AM

The others have given you some excellent suggestions. If you need more read the stickies at the beginning of this forum. There is a link in my signature.

jmw0713 · Jan 13, 2009, 08:31 AM

Stay as busy as possible with things you love to do. You may not want to right now, but after you start to settle down from this shock, go out and do something fun. It will work wonders for your emotional health.

Time flies when you're having fun...

Avoid all alcohol and drugs for now (not saying you do them but I don't know you). The alcohol will depress you more and may cause you to do something you will really regret (drunk dialing, irrational behavior).

And like JSingle said, physical activities like exercising at the gym, running, martial arts, sports leagues, anything that gets you moving really helps relieve stress and will improve your mood naturally. I enrolled in Taekwondo classes and joined a gym, right after my ex gave me "the talk", and it has seriously helped me get through the days.

When you feel like crap and you get depressed and down on yourself, go to the gym or martial arts class for 1-2 hours, you will feel 150% better after. Trust me.

Also, LISTEN to the advice that you receive on this board. It will really help you cope with the pain. You may think that some of the advice sucks, or won't work or help, but it does.

We are here for you. Welcome to the forum. You'll be just fine!

plonak · Jan 13, 2009, 12:32 PM

Ugh, heartbreak, worst pain imaginable..

Listen to the others suggestions. Being active is very important, and wasn't something I did during my heartbreak

Also, rebounds are NOT helpful, they only prolong the pain, and like I've said in previous posts your decision making is messed up when you're heartbroken and you usually end up dating people that you never would.. take it from me!

Don't ignore the pain, feel it out, let it flow through you.. but don't let it get you depressed.. once you feel some pain, distract yourself by excercising or something.. and continue that process.. you will see that everyday that goes by will get better..

Cobalt man · Jan 13, 2009, 07:25 PM

I won`t to thank everyone of you for the kind words, I am taking every bit of it in, I have never been on anything like this before.

Everyone of you are so kind and you feel like family to me I don`t have two many people that I can talk to. I am already starting to feel a little better.

Like you all sead it will take time. And I just won`t to say thanks one more time, it means the world to me!! :):)

I just spent so much wasted time, I was always there for her and she dose this, Im not going to lie to you I'm not perfict but I did everything I could for this girl, I was always there for her, I always lisend to what she had to say, and she could always call or text me 24/7 NO MATTER WHAT.

Thank each and everyone of you. It means so much.

P.S I am sorry about the spelling and wording, Im not very good at this,

411Help · Jan 13, 2009, 07:27 PM

Don't worry man.

If you need something, we're all here for you.

No matter what you did, it doesn't excuse what she did.

Don't take her back, NO MATTER WHAT.

Romefalls19 · Jan 13, 2009, 07:50 PM

I was always raised to believe two wrongs don't make a right. I don't think cheating can be justified in any way, shape or form.

411 is right, we are all here to help. We have all been through what you are going through, maybe not the cheating but the loss factor

kctiger · Jan 13, 2009, 07:53 PM

There are three things in life that make a man:

1. Be a good father
2. Be a good husband
3. Be a good friend

Cheating plays no part in either of those. Be first class with everything you do. You will find that life has a funny way of repaying us, good or bad.

JSingle911 · Jan 14, 2009, 07:22 AM

Cobalt,

We really are happy to help. I can even go as far as forgiving the fact that you're prbably a Hokie fan! :D

zeeniee · Jan 14, 2009, 07:28 AM

Hey Cobalt man,
I am very sorry to hear your news- I think the advise given already in the thread are all excellent and so do apply them.

Despite ho wmuch you love her- she did wrong and broke her commitment to you.

Do what you have to do- and let her go- she is not worth it and does not respect you- if she did she would have never done this to you.I was in a similar situation and I can tell you now it is worse than HELL ( read my post). Take your time with what has just happened and ask whatever questions you have in your mind her on this site- you will be amazed how many people will help and get you through this!
TAKE it easy and take one step at a time.

Cobalt man · Jan 14, 2009, 08:56 AM

Well, jsingle911, yes I am a big Hokie fan but that's OK I take it you are for WVU that's OK also,

An up date is that Ii need to change my number now, I was not albe to sleep at all last night, She called and sent a hundred text mesg.

She was saying how sorry that she was, and begging me to take her back, that once again she messed up. I diden`t answer any of them.

She told me how much she loved me and missed me, It just makes it even harder, She called my mom and dad and my friends, telling them that she was sorry and she needs me.

If she loved me like you sead she would not have cheated on me, She could barly talk in the vmailes she was crying so much.

It just makes it harder.

And again thank you all so much

kctiger · Jan 14, 2009, 08:58 AM

For sure you should change your number. A bold move (and smart) on your part. Life is too short for her drama.

jmw0713 · Jan 14, 2009, 09:30 AM

Change number, change email, change any way she has to contact you.

The harder it is for her to reach to get you thinking, the easier it will be for you to move on from this terrible situation.

Cobalt man · Jan 14, 2009, 10:21 AM

:eek:I am going in the morning to get my number changed, She is still calling and texting, She won`t leave me alone.. God I have never had anything like this before. I have been in some relationships but nothing like this. She is calling me as I am typing right now.

pogybait · Jan 14, 2009, 10:39 AM

As soon as the EX finds out you are gone he will keep using her till he's done.