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starwishing · Jun 11, 2008, 08:44 PM

I love her. But I don't like the feeling of being concerned by her all the time. I am 22, and I would have my own life. She keeps calling me, and every time she sounds very "needy". She tries to find some topic to talk to me, and even find something just to blame my opinions. She just wants to know whether I am still the girl in her heart. But, I will not be! And I don't want to be!
But I feel bad for I want to ignore her in my daily life. I really want to escape from her. Even though I would become "bad", I want to live my life.
Could you tell me how you handle the relationship with your daughters, or moms?

starbuck8 · Jun 11, 2008, 09:20 PM

You could try putting aside one day a week, or whatever works for you, to dedicate to your mom, and whatever she wants to do, or talk about. Let her know that you have set the time aside in advance. She obviously misses you, and might make up reasons to call, just to hear your voice, and make sure you're all right. You have to remember that she had you around for many yrs. and she probably just wants to know what is going on in your life.

Tell her you are busy, but you will always have time for her if it's something that is important, but you need your space and ask her to respect that. I'm sure if you tell her that you love her, but you are trying to learn how to be on your own, and discover new and exciting things, that she will understand. I'm sure it's hard on her too.

Take her out to lunch once in awhile, and set aside time, that is just for the two of you. She won't be around forever, and you will miss those annoying phone calls when she's gone. Just make sure you don't get so busy that your mom thinks she isn't needed anymore.

starwishing · Jun 11, 2008, 09:22 PM

Thank you, starbuck!

sokay · Jun 11, 2008, 09:49 PM

I used have that too, so I took the initiative to go and ask around my friends, and prescreen and eventually I introduced her to a decent guy, and they've been happily married quite a while now. Problem solved. Win-Win.

starbuck8 · Jun 11, 2008, 11:22 PM

Originally Posted by starwishing

Thank you, starbuck!

Very welcome!. anytime! Hope it works out well for you! ;)

talaniman · Jun 12, 2008, 06:27 AM

I want to live my life.

Do so, but establish a regular pattern of contact that fits into your life, and makes her feel you care. You can always be busy when things go south, if done respectfully. Parents will always be parents, and be glad she is still in your life.