[ladyblush_xo]

okay. ♥
my boyfriend has been having trouble staying hard during sex. He becomes limp and soft at random (usually right after penetration) and sometimes has trouble becoming hard. I'm his frist so I don't expect him to be an expert but if I'm the first he's ever had sex with, shouldn't it be easy for him to become hard? My ex had the same issue. He started smoking a lot of weed and it became harder for him to get any kind of erection and when he did, it would become limp within seconds. I keep thinking that I'm not turning him on enough. I mean, if my ex started going limp for no reason, what else can it be besides me?! He's been researching it and says that it may be due to high cholesterol, high blood pressure or over stimulation. He used to masturbate often and has no problem getting hard there but when it comes to actual sex, well, you know. In fact, he says that during sex (or foreplay) all he's thinking about is how long he's going to stay hard for. He tries not to think about it but he says that he's worried he's going to disappoint me because he 'knows' its going to go limp quick. Does anyone have any advice or suggestions on what to do or what the problem could be?

[450donn]

Drugs, alcohol can all contribute to that sort of problem. It could be physical or it could simply be that he is putting too much pressure on himself to perform for you. Nothing you can do wrong except maybe not enough lubricant. I have been married nearly 43 years and have had that problem from time to time. It has always worked it self out though. If it continues, maybe a visit to a doctor to be sure there is no physical problems with him.

[TexasParent]

It may be a problem of concentration and mental stimulus especially if he is a drug user and has anxiety over performance. Try talking dirty to him and see if that keeps him stimulated. You will know when to give him another round of dirty talk each time you feel him go softer.

Also you may want to read my posts in this thread:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...ml#post1456676

[JustHisGirl]

This happens with me too. Its not every time we have sex though. He doesn't have trouble staying hard for masturbation, but sometimes during sex he loses it. I'm his first too. I think maybe it happens because sex is a lot different that doing it yourself. I don't really know. I wouldn't really worry that you don't turn him on enough. How long have you two been having sex?

[Choux]

For a young guy, I would think that he is very used to the firm grip of his hand on a regular basis. Too much masturbation can cause problems.

Best wishes, :)

[smoothy]

Smoking pot and limp wangs go hand in hand. Not to mention permanently slowed reflexes and diminished mental capacity.

THen there is the issue about him and spanking the monkey far too much. THere is no legitimate reason a guy should have this problem with an average woman much less one that really wants it and is proactive.

He has several issues to resolve, drug abuse and he needs therapy on the other one.

[ladyblush_xo]

My ex was the one on drugs, my current boyfriend is not but is having the same issue. And trust me, lub is not the issue. We've been having sex for a little less than a month now. I haven't talked dirty to him but we have kissed very roughly and an 'instant hardon' will appear but still.. they leave almost as quickly as they came. I tell him to relax and not think of how he will do.. the woman also must please her partner but he's so bent on trying to please me that I don't know what to do... :'(

[smoothy]

Still don't think its anything YOU are doing... I'd bet if Rosie O"Donnel managed to get a man to go with her if he could get it up in the first place he'd be able to keep it up.

Now it is always possible for a woman to do are say things that will kill it for a guy, but I'm still willing to guess that's not the issue. But to cover that base you don't by chance happen to bring up things that have no bearings on intimacy, Anything he might find distracting or irritating in the moment?

With that part mentioned, when was the last time he had a complete physical or talked to his doctor about this? If he hasn't its time he does. Age has no bearing on this need.

[ladyblush_xo]

Still don't think its anything YOU are doing.... I'd bet if Rosie O"Donnel managed to get a man to go with her if he could get it up in the first place he'd be able to keep it up.

Now it is always possible for a woman to do are say things that will kill it for a guy, but I'm still willing to guess thats not the issue. But to cover that base you don't by chance happen to bring up things that have no bearings on intimacy, Anything he might find distracting or irritating in the moment?

With that part mentioned, when was the last time he had a complete physical or talked to his doctor about this? If he hasn't its time he does. Age has no bearing on this need.

he hasn't gottten a physical check up in a while (and I do mean a while!)
he's actually planning on seeing one very soon.
and no I don't say anything that could kill the mood ^_^'
he's turned on but he's having trouble getting started <.<
he's actually looking into getting some kind of pills that allow him to hold an erection but I doubt that's necessary. A simple check up willl do I suppose.
thank you all for helping ^_^
if anyone else would like to add, please do so.
I will check back in a few days ♥

[Eelarch]

I'm a guy and I have the same slight problem not because I'm a drug user or anything just because its different and I'm not too happy with my looks etc etc...

But I agree that talking dirty to him would be the thing because it reaaallly turns people on

[ladyblush_xo]

im a guy and i have the same slight problem not because im a drug user or anything jsut because its different and im not too happy with my looks etc etc...

but i agree that talking dirty to him would be the thing because it reaaallly turns people on

My boyfriend is actually really insecure...
We've been close friends for about 6 years.
He used to be a chunky monkey but he's lost quite a lot of weight since then.
He still doesn't seem all to happy with his looks.
Coming from you (since you said almost the same about yourself) I guess I should dirtty things up ;]
Thanks !
♥ ♥ ♥

[exqsme09]

I know you mentioned he had a check up, but has he ever been checked for diabetes? I know someone who is diabetic who says he often has times when he isn't able to achieve an erection. Just a thought.

[smoothy]

he hasnt gottten a physical check up in a while (and i do mean a while!)
hes actually planning on seeing one very soon.
and no i dont say anything that could kill the mood ^_^'
hes turned on but hes having trouble getting started <.<
hes actually looking into getting some kind of pills that allow him to hold an erection but i doubt that's necessary. a simple check up willl do i suppose.
thank you all for helping ^_^
if anyone else would like to add, please do so.
i will check back in a few days ♥

I highly recommend he get that complete physical, he also should mention this problem to his physician, perhaps its an easily treatible condition.

[chrissymarie]

A tight fist is completely different and feels completely different then a vagina. It sounds to me like he needs to stop masterbating to regain sensitivity to his genetals. He may have a masturbation problem. Like he's doing it way to often.

[ladyblush_xo]

Well guys, that problem is gone ;]
Thanks for all your help!
I'm thinking that he might have diabetes, even though that bump in the road is gone.
Thanks again guys!!