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JustHisGirl · Jan 2, 2009, 07:09 PM

So I had this friend. We were really close I told her everything about me. I trusted her just as much as I do my boyfriend. The only 2 people in this world that I trusted 100%. Well she ended up telling her boyfriend (my cousin) some of the things she promised me she wouldn't tell anyone. And she told this other girl stuff. Well I didn't talk to her for a month or so. And she called me crying saying she missed her friend and she was sorry for what she did and she just wanted me back. So I forgave her. And it just went back to how it was. I began to tell her other stuff. Well later on I found out that she had told her boyfriend more stuff. And I stopped talking to her for several months. Well in April of 08 she got into a car accident and she didn't make it. I now kind of regret not forgiving her. My boyfriend keeps telling me I had no reason to forgive her and that I didn't know that this was going to happen. But I love her more than anything and now I don't know what to do. It really hasn't hit me yet. I was there the night of the accident because she hit my uncles house. I was the one that told them her name. I didn't see her, but I heard people talking and I knew it was her. Sorry to whoever reads this that its so long. I'm just trying to get everything out. I think I'm done.

briteiiis1 · Jan 2, 2009, 07:36 PM

First of all, sorry for your loss, Death is not an easy thing to have to deal with. I'm sure your friend knows that you love her and that you forgive her. To ease your pain a little, maybe you could go to her grave site and let her know or write her a letter and read it to her at the cemetery. I can't tell you, coping with the loss of a loved one will get easier, not anytime soon, but it time the pain will ease up. Good Luck!

ZoeMarie · Jan 2, 2009, 07:40 PM

When my mom died, the funeral director told my brother and I that we could write our mom a note and she would put it in her casket. The day of the funeral my brother and I both gave her the cards and she was buried with him. It helps just to get your thoughts on paper, even if just to sort them out. So write a note and read it at her grave. I think you'll feel a lot better about the situation. I'm so sorry for your loss.

JustHisGirl · Jan 3, 2009, 04:30 PM

Thanks. She was cremated though. They did have a funeral for her before the cremation. And a lot of people wrote letters to her and put them in the casket. But I didn't think of that until after I saw all the others. Then it was too late. I do write her letters and save them though. It kind of helps me feel better. But that was in April and its only hit me like 3 times that its real. I'm in denial and it sucks. I just want to realize it so I can start dealing with it.

mommyiggy · Jan 3, 2009, 09:27 PM

Sounds like you are taking good first steps at closure and accepting the reality if the situation by getting it out. I hope you come to terms with this and can begin to heal... sorry about your loss.

WI_Girl · Jan 4, 2009, 04:29 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you are taking it very hard.
I lost my father about three years ago suddenly. It was very difficult as I am an only child. I thought that I would never get over it, but I found that as time went on, I moved on and now I don't think about him all the time. The sadness sort of faded on its own.
Also, don't worry too much about the stages of grief. It's good to know what they are but you may not experience them in order or even all of them or you may repeat them. A book that helped me sort things out is called "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye" and it deals with sudden death.

Jake2008 · Jan 13, 2009, 11:57 AM

I too lost a very good friend on Christmas Day. I was called by the police who discovered her body in a hotel room where she stayed. There was no identification, no purse, or anything, other than a piece of paper with my name and phone number on it.

We had been friends for years, and about two years ago, she decided to live as a recluse. She refused contact with me, or anybody else, including her family who live in another town. Everybody figured that she would just come around.

I had to call her brother and break the news over the phone as they had to have next of kin identify the body. He decided that she would be cremated, and there would be no funeral service, only a private family gathering in the summer, when she would be interned at the family plot.

I can't tell you the regret I have at not contacting her. I could have sent a card, left a message, dropped off a letter. The guilt was eating me alive.

But, now that time has passed, I realize that nothing I could have done would have prevented her death. Nothing.

Something you may wish to consider doing that I have planned for my friend. I am gathering everybody that cared about her, to go out for dinner at her favourite restaurant. We are planning a wake of sorts, so that we can remember her, and talk about the good times, which were far more than the bad. Others were just as shocked as I was at her sudden passing, and everybody loves the idea of a final tribute, just from her friends.

I think my friend would have liked that.