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Tiffo1986 · Dec 23, 2008, 01:43 AM

I'm dating a married man who is twenty years older than me. Other than the obvious problem, he also has trust issues and is convinced I'm going to cheat on him because his wife has admitted to cheating on him eight times and she's left him twice since they've been married. (Three years) I know they are no longer having sex based on both admitting it. But the wife came back just before I started dating 'dave' because she knew he was going to be coming into money. Here's my problem... How do I convince him that I'm not her and I'm not going to hurt him like she has? Am I just waiting to be hurt myself? It's been nine months and no steps have been taken towards divorce. What should I do? I love him but I'm afraid of being its too because my last relationship didn't end so well. I was a victim of domestic violence so my confidence is completely shattered. Am I just reading into things too much and my own insecurities are causing problems or is there really a problem with my relationship?

Krs · Dec 23, 2008, 04:14 AM

He is cheating on his wife with you
He was cheated on before by his wife sooooo many times..

Security issues are definitely around!

talaniman · Dec 23, 2008, 06:23 AM

Cheaters are such selfish, desperate people, and can't you just see how your deluded? Yes you want happiness, but settle for confusion, that's so sad, and maybe you need to get out of this healthy situation.

9 months of this BS, that's a long time, and its one thing to make a mistake, but keep making that mistake with the same guy?? That not healthy, your stuck on s... d, so do something good for yourself, and disappear from his BS.

starbuck8 · Dec 23, 2008, 06:47 AM

For one thing, the opperative word here is "married!!" All you are doing is going from one dramatic relationship, to another! You are never going to end up happy that way. There is always going to be conflict! It has already started! He is worried about YOU cheating on HIM? You are cheating WITH him! Stay away from men that are already taken! How do you know that they aren't having sex? Does the wife know about you, and told you straight out that they aren't having sex? I doubt it. My guess is he's told you this, and that line is as old as the day is long. Be honest with yourself! You know this relationship will only waste your time in the end. Get out of this contaminated relationship now, before you and others end up getting hurt!

Fr_Chuck · Dec 23, 2008, 07:07 AM

Did not read a single word past the word 'married" does not matter, since you should not be with him anyway, you are asking for all the trouble and pain that this relationship brings,

liz28 · Dec 23, 2008, 09:40 AM

You need to simply remove yourself from this situation. It will save you a lot of pain and drama in the long run.

Don't believe everything a married man tell you because if he wanted out of this mareied he would leave. How long do you plan of being his side dish?

You can't date a married man. He can't be your boyfriend and you can't be his girldfriend. The only title you hold at this moment is his mistress. So I must ask you "what are you getting out of this"?

He has trust issues, please. He is doing wrong and then assusing you of doing wrong. Well to clear out this matter, you both are in the wrong and as soon as you heard he was married that should've been it for you and you should'nt had communicated with him any further.

JudyKayTee · Dec 23, 2008, 10:55 AM

Originally Posted by Tiffo1986

I'm dating a married man who is twenty years older than me. Other than the obvious problem, he also has trust issues and is convinced i'm going to cheat on him because his wife has admitted to cheating on him eight times and she's left him twice since they've been married. (Three years) i know they are no longer having sex based on both admitting it. But the wife came back just before i started dating 'dave' because she knew he was going to be coming into money. Here's my problem...... How do i convince him that i'm not her and i'm not going to hurt him like she has? Am i just waiting to be hurt myself? It's been nine months and no steps have been taken towards divorce. What should i do? I love him but i'm afraid of being its too because my last relationship didn't end so well. I was a victim of domestic violence so my confidence is completely shattered. Am i just reading into things too much and my own insecurities are causing problems or is there really a problem with my relationship?

No lecture, no judgment - I just don't think this will end up well. He's a married man by choice. His choice. Until that changes he can use any argument he wants about his trust issues - his wife was unfaithful, his wife is after his money, whatever he comes up with. All excuses for not committing to you.

I don't understand all of the relationship - his wife admitted to you, the mistress, that she had affairs? Bad enough you have a relationship with her husband. You've also befriended his wife?

I also see yourself confidence problems at play. Maybe you're in this to punish yourself. Maybe you actually love him. No one knows but you.

But this man is cheating (perhaps on her with you, perhaps with you on her) which calls his character into question. After nine months you can walk away. It will be hard but you can walk away. Wait another nine months and it'll rip you apart - or else he'll walk away.

I see no "good" for you coming out of this, only hurt and hearbreak. Maybe I've been fortunate in my life - I've never been involved with anyone who wasn't absolutely single, no ties, no wife, no fiancé, no separated wife. It's a choice I made a long time ago.

I've sure held enough hands while my friends cried over these relationships.

You deserve better - so walk away. If he wants a relationship with you he'll legally disengage himself and walk after you. If not - well, a painful lesson in life.

Sometimes you have to protect yourself in the long run, no matter how much it hurts.