
Originally Posted by
Tiffo1986
I'm dating a married man who is twenty years older than me. Other than the obvious problem, he also has trust issues and is convinced i'm going to cheat on him because his wife has admitted to cheating on him eight times and she's left him twice since they've been married. (Three years) i know they are no longer having sex based on both admitting it. But the wife came back just before i started dating 'dave' because she knew he was going to be coming into money. Here's my problem...... How do i convince him that i'm not her and i'm not going to hurt him like she has? Am i just waiting to be hurt myself? It's been nine months and no steps have been taken towards divorce. What should i do? I love him but i'm afraid of being its too because my last relationship didn't end so well. I was a victim of domestic violence so my confidence is completely shattered. Am i just reading into things too much and my own insecurities are causing problems or is there really a problem with my relationship?
No lecture, no judgment - I just don't think this will end up well. He's a married man by choice. His choice. Until that changes he can use any argument he wants about his trust issues - his wife was unfaithful, his wife is after his money, whatever he comes up with. All excuses for not committing to you.
I don't understand all of the relationship - his wife admitted to you, the mistress, that she had affairs? Bad enough you have a relationship with her husband. You've also befriended his wife?
I also see yourself confidence problems at play. Maybe you're in this to punish yourself. Maybe you actually love him. No one knows but you.
But this man is cheating (perhaps on her with you, perhaps with you on her) which calls his character into question. After nine months you can walk away. It will be hard but you can walk away. Wait another nine months and it'll rip you apart - or else he'll walk away.
I see no "good" for you coming out of this, only hurt and hearbreak. Maybe I've been fortunate in my life - I've never been involved with anyone who wasn't absolutely single, no ties, no wife, no fiancé, no separated wife. It's a choice I made a long time ago.
I've sure held enough hands while my friends cried over these relationships.
You deserve better - so walk away. If he wants a relationship with you he'll legally disengage himself and walk after you. If not - well, a painful lesson in life.
Sometimes you have to protect yourself in the long run, no matter how much it hurts.