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tadita83 · Dec 22, 2008, 09:31 PM

Ok, in the past I have been just fine with going about my life and letting "love" find me instead of going out and looking for it. Well I broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago and I am happy and moving on quite nicely from the relationship. However, I do WANT a meaningful relationship. I want what we had without all the crap. So basically, I want a comfortable loving relationship just not with him.

So I have entered the dating scene. I am new to this whole thing and I have a bit of a problem. I don't like hurting people's feelings.

Well I've gone out with a two guys in particular that seemingly enjoyed our first date and wanted to continue to enjoy one anothers company. Me on the other hand, I felt no chemistry. Wonderful guys, but no physical attraction whatsoever. I just didn't feel it. Everyone tells me that I need to stop expecting that "BANG" moment after just going out with a guy once. (BANG Moment: my definition- a moment when you meet someone that you just know that you COULD have something more with them)

So I want to give these guys a fair shot, but I also don't want to waste my time dating someone that I know I don't have feelings for.

So please tell me. Am I being silly and shallow for not wanting to go on a second date or give 'em another shot. Or is this proper dating etiquette (like I said I'm new to this)

Claire_Marie236 · Dec 22, 2008, 09:46 PM

Well I think if you don't like them then break up with them. Don't feel bad it hurts worse 2 find out that your bf/gf doesn't like you when you been going out with them for a while. And it hurts less if you brake up with them.

asking · Dec 22, 2008, 09:53 PM

I think you need to take a little while off from dating. It's only been a month since you broke up with your boyfriend. It's not so much that you are shallow as that you shouldn't be looking for the love of your life so soon. Relax. If you had fun, go out again. If not really, find something else to do. I agree it's not kind of string someone along who is serious. And I think that lots of people fall in love gradually. But I think the main thing is it's just too soon for you. Fill that hole in your life with something else, a hobby, group activities, volunteer work, a job, a class, walks on the beach, whatever.

We all want that though--the loving relationship without all the crap--as you put it. :) But not sure life offers too many relationships without at least an occasional helping of crap. Good luck!

450donn · Dec 23, 2008, 02:14 PM

Beauty is only skid deep, while UGLY goes clear through.
If you are looking only at the outside looks, then yes you are being shallow. I always like the analogy of the high school cheet leader marrying the football hero and ending up in a miserable relationship. Look beyond beauty and see what is inside a person.

bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE · Dec 23, 2008, 02:19 PM

I was 17 when I met the love of my life and at the time I was horribly shallow, like most teens. When I first started dating him, I wasn't that attracted because he didn't seem like my 'type' but as time went on, I fell deeply in love with him and you know what, I think he is the most gorgeous person, physically. It's weird how getting to know someone first before looks gets you somewhere. I have been with him for almost 3 years!

chrissymarie · Dec 23, 2008, 03:40 PM

I think you should continue to see some one until you can't tolerate them. Keep seeing them until you can completely confirm there is no physical or mental attraction and you abosolutely have a justified reason and feeling to why a relationship with that person would not work. By going on just one first date your not giving you date an adequate amount of time to show you who they are. It's like trying judging a book by it's cover.

Also when dating it's a good idea to just date one person at a time so you can completely focus on that person until they no longer interest you. Distractions are bad when trying to get to know someone new.

rebeccastrean22 · Dec 23, 2008, 07:22 PM

All what I have to say is do what makes you happy put yourself before others. You have to live with yourself for the rest of your life you escape from yourself. Another is relationship has problems and everyone has their differences and the only thing you can do is keep going it might build your relationship or it might make it worse but you will never know what will happen if you never try.

tadita83 · Jan 6, 2009, 03:44 PM

450donn,

I never said these guys were ugly. In fact I think they were both handsome. I simply was not attracted to them. I just didn't feel it.

evoqus · Jan 6, 2009, 04:45 PM

I don't see anything wrong with not wanting to be with someone initially because you're not attracted to them. It's not everything, but I think it's somewhat important. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I think there is someone for everyone. However, by it being soon after a breakup, I think you should slow down. You may wind up back with your ex-its possible!