[Inucynt9383]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over two years. We haven't officially made the plunge in living together but he spends a lot of time over at my house. He sleeps over, sometimes we just hangout, then he'll go home. I have three kids from my previous relationship and he helps me out a lot with them as well. All in all he is a very good guy. He helps out with the bills (even though he hasn't moved in) and he is a great father with his own kids who I see about ever other weekend. Now here is the issue. My parents have gone through this ugly divorce and my mother has been forced out of her apartment because my dad wasn't paying the court appointed alimony my mom was entitled to. Since she wasn't getting her funds on time or sometimes at all she had to give up her apartment. My mom has been living with her elderly mom (my grandmother), who isn't the most pleasant old lady in the world. My mom has been really depressed and she has shown up at my door numerous times with her duffel bag to spend a couple days to cool off. I don't mind having my mom around and I feel like I'm the only one she can turn to right now. Her relationship with her only living sister is rocky and she has no other family. I pretty much feel stuck. Like my back is against the wall. My boyfriend doesn't like it when my mom sleeps over. He says she is being selfish and intrusive. He wishes she wouldn't sleep over so often and at least have the courtesy to call before coming. I totally understand that but like I said I feel like my back is against the wall. If I try to talk with my mother she will take it totally out of proportion and she'll be mad at me. She'll take it as if I don't want her to come over at all and she'll more then likely accuse me of choosing my boyfriend over her. Except this is really ruining my relationship. Judging by all the tension, I feel things are really going to get bad over at my grandmothers house and my mom will probably get kicked out. If that happens I can't just allow my mom to go to a shelter. What am I suppose to do! Lose my relationship with my mom ( the only family I really have left) or lose my boyfriend. He has made it very clear, if mom moves in... he moves out! What is your opinion? What would you do in my shoes?

[oldenoughtoknow]

I don't know about your upbringing but your mother looked after you for the first how ever many years of your life life, least you can do is repay the favour. Blood should be thicker the water. Do what feels right, by the sound of it you know taking in mother when she needs it is the best thing to do. I can see why your boyfriend would be a little perturbed but he doesn't even live with you, its not yours and his place its YOUR place.

[Fr_Chuck]

You are both right, she is family and she should expect you to help her out, on the other hand, how does she even know you are home ? If she just shows up, what if you and boyfriend were gone for the weekend ?

So it would only be proper to call before you just showed up.

Also what is mom doing to help herself right now, is she taking dad to court to find him in contempt for not paying ? If not why ? Have you talked to your dad and asked him why he is not helping your mom ?

Is your mom looking for a job to make money to afford to live on her on ?

[krzekali89]

I go through the Same thing with my boyfriend. However its not my mom moving in with me its me visiting her for CHRISTMAS. I was raised in a very traditional home. Christmas at my grandmas with the whole family and before dinner everyone goes to their in laws for 3 hours then you go back to my grandmas for dinner and dessert and then whoever wants to come over (family, in laws friends) always come for dessert. My b.f. wants to stay in our house just the two of us) and visit family the next day. If I don't go to my moms house she will disown me and if I do my relatioship will have a HUGE crack through it. So I understand what your going through and I would always pick my mom over any boyfriend. I never met my father so she alone raised me. Never brought home random guys always had food on the table... I place to live and new clothes on my body.

I am going to my moms house for christmas whether he comes or not. I would sit down and have a talk with you boyfriend and tell him excatly how you feel. That you love your mom and you won't let her live with you for _ amount of time, however you can't let your mother live in a shelter. Also pick his closest family member (mom dad sis bro aunt uncle) and ask what he would do in this situation. He has to be understanding a little bit. He doesn't have to like it but he should understand.

also say that your mom can babysit the kids and you guys can have a romantic dinner alone, or go hang out at his house all by yourselves... try and make it worth his while.

good luck!

[talaniman]

Tough situation, made tougher because you aren't laying out the rules of your house, for everyone, so your torn.

Tell mom, she can relax and stay, and is welcome, as long as your respected, and have some kind of notice, and an idea of how long she expects to stay, that's fair, and considerate, as you do have a life. Make sure its understood that this is a temporary thing, and you expect her on her feet ASAP,

As for your boyfriend, he better get over it, and support you through your family problem, or get to stepping, as you need his love now, more than on every other week end, when things are smooth. Sorry, good people can be good without being stepped on, and pushed around because of others peoples agenda, or their unwillingness to consider what your feeling.

That why you put them on noticed, that a big heart doesn't mean they make rules about YOUR house. Stand up for yourself to them all.