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drumsequalsecks · Dec 18, 2008, 03:08 PM

Okay so I've been dating this girl for about 8 months. It was all perfect until she started getting into drinking and smoking weed. We had several huge arguments about it and after she smoked for 2 days in a row she promised she wouldn't party again, yet the next day she went drinking. I drove to where she was and told her it was me or partying. No use, she was wasted. So I went to her house the next morning and she said I'm sorry, you're way more important and I realize I'm hurting people I care about and that I'm going to have to make the decision to not do it anymore. I was satisfied, yet worried that it might happen again. I went to her place and she was acting all weird. She avoided my kisses and such. She finally said, "Don't you have to go?" and I said "I don't want to yet" and she said well I'm going to my friends (a girl, not a guy) and I said "oh... okay" we walked out to our cars and she said "are you okay?" I said yea and then she told me that she doesn't feel anything when we kiss anymore. I was shocked and she explained that she was too, she said she was panicking and she was trying to rationalize it. We talked and a lot of truth came out then. She was confused and a lot has been going on in her life (shes had a very hard life mind you) and said stuff about the drinking and smoking and her taking what I said out of context, even though she knows what I meant. She told me I made her feel really bad every time she went out I would go to where she was, but I was doing it to make sure she was safe, and not driving and not cheating and such. Our options were to break up or take a break, and I told her since these are her feelings that its her call. So we went on break and talked a little more and she absolutely promised there wasn't another guy and it wasn't an excuse for her to party without me getting mad.

The next day seemed like the end. I went to her house to pick up some stuff I had left there and we talked a little more. She really wanted to be friends cause she didn't know how long she'd take. We broke up but she said she was thoroughly convinced we would get back together. I told her I wouldn't be able to handle being the one that wanted to get back together when we were friends while she was the one saying "aren't you glad we can be friends and not have awkwardness" I assumed she wanted to be friends just so I could be there when and if she was ready to get back into a relationship. I told her I didn't know how long I could wait. I walked to my car bawling and got in and cried for a couple minutes. Little did I know she was still there watching. She knocked on my window and said "I wish we could still call this a break" and after a little more talking she said "Lets call it a break, I just need time to be myself and think, but If you don't know my answer before Christmas, then you can leave" and she had this optimistic tone in her voice...

So I appreciate anybody who had the patience to read all that crap. But please tell me, what is the break for if there's not another guy, and she set HER OWN deadline?

Please help me out! Give me thoughts, feedback, advice anything!

LifeChangesMan · Dec 18, 2008, 03:52 PM

Hey buddy!

All right, the break's for her own sanity my friend, this is something that occurs, could there be another guy? Yeah, sure why not? But who cares it's none of your business now. I would worry about yourself and trying to get past this girl and move on, she obviously has a lot on her plate if she just picked up drugs and alcohol recently. Is she a smart girl? If you answered, yes. Then let her go make these mistakes and learn from them. If you answered no. find a new girl. The deadline thing is just maybe a way for her to make it seem like by her not telling you it's over, you end it yourself by not waiting, like she doesn't want to be the one to do it almost. That's just how I view it, it's really awkward. I would say let her go and move on, waiting around for someone is not good for anyone it gets you no where.

Hope this helps,
LCM

drumsequalsecks · Dec 18, 2008, 03:59 PM

Originally Posted by LifeChangesMan

hey buddy!

Alright, the break's for her own sanity my friend, this is something that occurs, could there be another guy? yeah, sure why not? but who cares it's none of your business now. I would worry about yourself and trying to get past this girl and move on, she obviously has a lot on her plate if she just picked up drugs and alcohol recently. Is she a smart girl? if you answered, yes. then let her go make these mistakes and learn from them. if you answered no. find a new girl. The deadline thing is just maybe a way for her to make it seem like by her not telling you it's over, you end it yourself by not waiting, like she doesn't want to be the one to do it almost. That's just how I view it, it's really awkward. I would say let her go and move on, waiting around for someone is not good for anyone it gets you no where.

Hope this helps,
LCM

I totally understand what you're saying. Its all run through my mind before. I know she's got a lot of baggage but I want to help her.

Something I should note about the break, or so its called, is we BOTH agreed that we wouldn't go see or flirt with other people, and also she doesn't mind if we talk, its just as long as she doesn't see me.

The reason I don't believe that it's a way to get me to make the move to leave, is because I already did (yesterday) and she still wanted it to be a break. I only have to wait a week to know.

She is very bright, but makes decisions that she regrets all too often and she knows that which is why I think she doesn't want to pull the plug.
It is for her sanity, I just don't know what to make of it.

talaniman · Dec 19, 2008, 10:41 PM

Her break is to party, and do as she pleases, without you showing up to save her soul.

Take the hint, and let this one go, and get a nice, down to earth female, who is more in line, as far as what is good proper behavior.

drumsequalsecks · Dec 20, 2008, 06:08 PM

All right 3 days after the break (2 days ago) she decided she didn't want a break and we got back together. I know for fact she didn't party in 2 days so never mind. My problem is resolved.

Thank you!

kctiger · Dec 21, 2008, 08:07 AM

Originally Posted by drumsequalsecks

Alright 3 days after the break (2 days ago) she decided she didn't want a break and we got back together. I know for fact she didn't party in 2 days so nevermind. my problem is resolved.

Thank you!

I hope I am wrong, but I get the strange feeling you will be back on here in the near future... Perhaps I am wrong. Happy Holidays!

jmw0713 · Dec 21, 2008, 08:41 AM

I agree with Tal 100%. You should go out and find someone more suited for you. If you can't handle your girls partying and drug use... you need to find someone that more closely matches your lifestyle.

asking · Dec 21, 2008, 08:52 AM

I also don't think it's healthy for you to be going by and checking on her to make sure she isn't cheating. If you don't trust her even for that, then how can you ever let her out of your sight? It's no wonder she needed a break from you. Lot of red flags here on both sides.

drumsequalsecks · Dec 21, 2008, 12:46 PM

Originally Posted by asking

I also don't think it's healthy for you to be going by and checking on her to make sure she isn't cheating. If you don't trust her even for that, then how can you ever let her out of your sight? It's no wonder she needed a break from you. Lot of red flags here on both sides.

Well first off, when you're drunk, you pretty much lose all control, but I was making sure she wasn't going to go driving either or anything stupid like that

TrueFaith · Dec 21, 2008, 12:50 PM

Drum you are fool for going back with her

If you are drunk you lose all control?

Yes in a way but still that should not mean a get out of jail free card for her.

People who use I was drunk. Are really pathetic and the people that take them back are even more so.

This will be a short lived moment of peace for you
She will be back to her own ways
And you will back on here crying again.

We all have to learn this lesson the hard way ;)

Enjoy it

sully123 · Dec 21, 2008, 12:59 PM

You can't control someone's action, they are responsible for what they do. You can't change them! Sorry, but you have to go to that extreme to check up on her, something is seriously wrong. I would get out of this relationship.. this girl has a lot of problems.. You can't save her.. she has to be willing to get help.. Sorry, but it isn't going to work.

drumsequalsecks · Dec 21, 2008, 01:23 PM

Originally Posted by TrueFaith

Drum you are fool for going back with her

if you are drunk you lose all control?

Yes in a way but still that should not mean a get out of jail free card for her.

people who use i was drunk. are really pathetic and the people that take them back are even more so.

This will be a short lived moment of peace for you
she will be back to her own ways
and you will back on here crying again.

we all have to learn this lesson the hard way ;)

enjoy it

I guess I will learn my lesson the hard way.

Yet she has stopped drinking (for now) and her friend and I are helping her. She hasn't cheated, she's cleaning up, and plus I never said If she cheated when she was drunk I'd say... "ohh okay well you were drunk its okay" Id leave her.

jmw0713 · Dec 21, 2008, 02:38 PM

I agree with TrueFaith... the I was drunk excuse is a lame excuse. People who are drunk still make/have a choice, granted the inhibitions are lessened. But a choice still has to be made. People who blame there mistakes on something else are people who can't handle the responsibility of their own actions.