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coreymae · Dec 7, 2008, 09:18 PM

I have been dating someone for over four months, which is sort of a long time. Before we started dating, he had a year long relationship with this girl but told me nothing about it. When she found out we were dating she went crazy on him for a little bit. I asked him if they had sex and he said no. I believed him because we are in high school and we are young, plus she is obese so I didn't think he did. I just found out two days ago that they were intimate. #1 I'm grossed out to the max and I don't mean to offend anyone overweight and #2 he lied to me. I don't know how to get over it but it's truly disappointing and I've lost all my respect for him. Please help me through this. I've been completely turned off and it's the hardest thing I've ever dealt with.

moomeacow · Dec 7, 2008, 09:32 PM

The past is the past if you love this person then your going to have to put it behind you, if not leave and move on

Alty · Dec 7, 2008, 09:36 PM

#1 I'm grossed out to the max and I don't mean to offend anyone overweight and #2 he lied to me.

It's very interesting that when you listed what you where upset about, your first gripe was being grossed out because he had sex with someone who's obese.

The past is exactly that, the past. Not only don't you have the right to judge him, you should be ashamed that you only judged him becaue the girl is obese.

Yes, he lied to you, maybe because he knew that you'd react the way you did.

So what if the girl is obese, you aren't sleeping with her, he's not asking you to.

Get over it.

N0help4u · Dec 7, 2008, 09:40 PM

Other than him lying to you I don't see anything he did that you really can hold against him. He 'had sex' with his ex when they were together. Now he is with you.
If it bothers you what they did when they were together it seems the problem is more yours than his. You say it grosses you out ('because she is obese'?) Would you feel different if he had been with a thin girl?
Nowadays it is hard to find someone without a sexual history of some sort and the older you get the more likely the history of a boyfriend will be more than had sex with an obese girl so you need to realize that you can't hold the past against them unless it directly effects your relationship with him some how.
If it grosses you out that bad you have one of two choices
Get over it or break up.

Irishgirl · Dec 8, 2008, 02:15 AM

Ru for real? I think you need to grow up! I think you feel he had you, and your sooooo gorgeous, that why would he go anywhere else. Maybe just maybe this "obese" girl is nicer than you and by the sounds of it couldn't be any dumber. Grow up and realise that beauty is only skin deep and eventually it goes, after that you better hope you have something else to interest any guy!!

Grayfox · Dec 8, 2008, 03:34 AM

Wow, yea you should chill on the whole "grossed out" deal. The high school world is a very different world from the reality of dating. Im surprised this is the hardest thing you've ever dealt with... but if so... you've got some fun ahead of you. Do you like the guy? I mean, you've been dating him for 4 months now. You don't know why he was in the relationship with this girl, or what kind of relationship it was. You don't know why they had sex, and maybe due to your obvious nature, he decided hed conceal it from you because he didn't think you'd understand. Talk to him about it, find out why he lied... ask yourself if you've had a similar situation with a guy. Ignore the fact that she was fat... because who cares.. Honestly, there's nothing wrong with being jealous, but I suggest you choose your words carefully when talking to someone about an ex, and you might want to try and understand why someone might like someone else for reasons other than just physical traits. (although I do remember high school pretty well)

ashey23ole · Dec 8, 2008, 08:01 PM

Communication is key.
If you ever want an explanation you have to be willing to ACCEPT who he has been with. It was a year long relationship, so I could only assume they were intimate... when your young sometimes you just go with what's available and hope it works out. Maybe that's what happened with her...

Don't be grossed out. Many men sleep with an assortment of women, not all of them being cover girls...

talaniman · Dec 8, 2008, 08:51 PM

Find you another guy.

N0help4u · Dec 9, 2008, 11:51 AM

Really think about it. If you are going to be upset with a boyfriend that had a fat girlfriend then say 10 years from now you meet someone and fall head over heels for them only to find out that his sexual history includes an obese girl, a couple of slutty girls and worse?

southerngalps · Dec 9, 2008, 11:55 AM

Or better yet, ten years from now, you are the obese girl and someone doesn't want to be with you? You never know.

ZoeMarie · Dec 9, 2008, 11:58 AM

Yeah, if I were you I'd get rid of this guy and find a super shallow guy.

N0help4u · Dec 9, 2008, 12:05 PM

She could always join one of those virgin clubs and get a guy there where they vow to wait for the right one. Nothing wrong with that.

kctiger · Dec 9, 2008, 12:49 PM

My boyfriends fat ex...

Got to love the judgemental people that are around. Are there any decent girls around?

romanticos · Feb 11, 2009, 05:15 AM

I feel you. Really. I am male, I was researching a similar problem in men, and I was under the impression that this was a male hardwired response. Clearly I was wrong. I have felt the same as you my entire life, and I have not fully solved the problem for myself, although I know that several people have, satisfactorily.

In similar cases the 'video-playback' included in the mental torment is a common feature of this affliction. There may be many reasons among which I believe that the thought that you are not special as he has had so many others, insecurity that you are not as 'good' are some. The value that you attach to sex, romantically, makes him cheap because he just gave it away, and a little disgusting. Been there. Still there in fact, to an extent. However I am older and my expectations are much less now.

You are young and more sensitive, more romantic, moral and idealistic. This will hurt you more than can be expressed, I know as I endured it for a year when I was 17. So what to do?

My first was also a virgin, it was special, still is. I have subsequently been in love three times, all with virgins, purely by coincidence, and I feel that I could only truly love someone completely if they were a virgin. The sad truth.

The imagery and disgust will lessen with time, but you need to put in the effort. When a thought pops into your head you need to expel it consiously and analytically.

Because you are young I would recommend that you find someone as pure as you are to fall in love with the first time. I really feel that this will set the mood for the rest of your romantic life and shape your love paradigm.

For me it is all too late for that innocent, all encompassing, crazy love, I am content to have someone that I really like.

In any case good luck and let everyone know how you are getting on as time goes by.

Irishgirl · Feb 11, 2009, 05:45 AM

kctiger Not all girls think like this only the pathetic girls who have been told by daddy once too often that they are gorgeous and now they believe it! God it's pathetic! As for the gut who posted before me- didn't catch his name and couldn't finish his posting because I was off being sick after reading grow up, do you think your perfect? Guarantee not

kctiger · Feb 11, 2009, 06:51 AM

Originally Posted by Irishgirl

kctiger Not all girls think like this only the pathetic girls who have been told by daddy once too often that they are gorgeous and now they believe it!! God it's pathetic! As for the gut who posted before me- didn't catch his name and couldn't finish his posting because I was off being sick after reading grow up, do you think your perfect? Guarantee not

I know not all girls think like this. It was more a tongue and cheek comment at the OP. ;)

HistorianChick · Feb 11, 2009, 07:08 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

Are there any decent girls around??

Ooo! Ooo! I know the answer to this one! ;)

To the OP: I really hope that all of these comments have opened your eyes to the fact that beauty is as beauty does. You're not being very beautiful when you judge your boyfriend based upon what YOU think is obese.

I agree with everyone else... you need to find someone that you're more "comfortable" with... because right now, you're just saying that you're into beauty. Find someone with a like mind...

Hopefully he doesn't "love you and leave you" because you put on weight or get a zit.