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AandZ4ever · Dec 7, 2008, 01:17 PM

Hey I'm 16 love a 17 yr old named jake. I don't flirt so I haven't ever had a boyfriend. I find flirting stupid yet the girls who do get all the guys. I am just me all the time, so guys don't like originality? I'm not going to dumb myself down to make somebody like me. I'm pretty and smart and me. Why haven't I had a boyfriend?

NallaNeedsYou · Dec 7, 2008, 01:47 PM

Im glad you have enough respect for yourself to not bring yourself down to their level. It is simply because they do not and will not understand. If your 16 and you are mature enough to see it then be happy! Guys your age don't understand how to treat women, they use them like toys. - People don't understand why you don't flirt and they won't understand if you try and explain it to them all you can do is go out and do the things YOU love doing, be confident and be patient. If you do things that you enjoy doing then you are going to meet people who like it too. Make sure you set your priorities so you plan for the rest of you life rather than a date with a guy. Keep going and be patient!

templelane · Dec 7, 2008, 02:01 PM

There are several ways to flirt. Its good you have confidence in yourself but guys need a little feedback. Basically a little flirting such as eye contact can be just the thing to make a nervous guy ask you out.

The poor guys not going to risk public humiliation unless he has some idea you are interested. No body like being turned down.

It's not a matter of dumbing yourself down as much as just letting them know you are interested.

Scleros · Dec 7, 2008, 02:30 PM

Originally Posted by AandZ4ever

i dont flirt so i havent ever had a bf. i find flirting stupid yet the girls who do get all the guys....Why havent i had a bf?

Uh, you don't flirt!

Here's another perspective, from a guy, who also was never into flirting and now regrets not mastering that skill in school when the females were plentiful. The other girls have figured out that doing something "stupid", i.e. flirting, obtains their objective, getting a boyfriend. So, is doing something to obtain your objective so stupid? Not doing something with a known outcome that obtains your desired objective just "because" of your pride, is to me, equally stupid. Master your social skills now while you have plenty of fodder for practice. It only gets harder to meet new people as you get older, least for me anyway.

Originally Posted by AandZ4ever

im not going to dumb myself down to make somebody like me.

It's less about dumbing yourself down and more about giving a potentially interested guy an invitation and opportunity to find out how wonderful you are! Flirting also avoids outright harsh rejection if the other party doesn't reciprocate, you were just goofing around then. Guys are not going to just fall into your lap without some sort of signal that it is OK to approach you. Put yourself in their shoes. How many guys would you be willing to walk up cold to and start a conversation?

Originally Posted by AandZ4ever

im pretty and smart and me.

That's a bloody intimidating combination for all but the boldest guys. At least just smile when you meet a guy you like so they know you aren't going to bite their head off if they dare speak to you.

templelane · Dec 7, 2008, 02:41 PM

Scleros you reminded me of a saying my boyfriend has,

"If it's stupid and it works then it's not stupid."

He was referring to programming but it one of those universal truths.

Scleros · Dec 7, 2008, 03:24 PM

Us computer folk tend to be results oriented.

talaniman · Dec 7, 2008, 03:47 PM

Look around, and see that not everyone gets hooked up, and maybe your only seeing the obvious ones that are. You do have guy friends don't you?

neverme · Dec 7, 2008, 07:38 PM

I don't think your referring to flirting here (in regards the other girls) I think they are changing themselves to get a boyfriend and that's never cool. You have the right basic idea but if you are confident enough to be yourself all the time this can be intimidating for a guy. There's a difference between being open and inviting to a guy you like and 'dumbing yourself down'.

letmetellu · Dec 7, 2008, 08:09 PM

There is a slight difference in flirting and talking, if you are intelligent you can talk to a guy about almost anything, except maybe sports, and if all he has to talk about is sports then just listen for a while until you can turn the conversation to what you want to talk about.
You will find that if this guy is interesting, and he is good looking and is the kind of a guy you might like as a boyfriend, so you will find yourself flirting. And don't be ashamed of that because there are many different ways to flirt but it is not something you have to practice it comes naturally.

AandZ4ever · Dec 13, 2008, 11:22 PM

Thanks guys u helped yet I'm still confused haha

Clough · Dec 13, 2008, 11:34 PM

Hi, AandZ4ever!

You were asked the following question by talaniman earlier. I would have the same one for you. The quote of talaniman's question is below.

You do have guy friends don't you?

Would you please answer the question? Doing that would really help here!

By the way, I think that flirting's okay and fun and doesn't mean that a person is necessarily chasing after someone else but just shown that there is an interest in the other person because of the willingness to maybe joke around with them some in a way that shows interest in them.

Thanks!

Grayfox · Dec 13, 2008, 11:45 PM

It sounds to me like you're a little confused on what "dumbing yourself down" might be considered to be. I, personally, do not feel that you flirting or being "flirtatious" in some way is necessarily dumbing yourself down. I feel that it is simply the matter in which you attempt it that will determine whether your standards have been compromised. There are ways girls can flirt without looking like sluts or dumb girls who have no objective other than having a "bf". If I were you id do what comes natural, looking at a guy in a certain way, making a comment, complimenting him, etc. All of these things can be considered flirting and yet they aren't too overboard. Good luck with your situation.

AandZ4ever · Dec 26, 2008, 05:11 PM

Originally Posted by Clough

Hi, AandZ4ever!

You were asked the following question by talaniman earlier. I would have the same one for you. The quote of talaniman's question is below.

Would you please answer the question? Doing that would really help here!

By the way, I think that flirting's okay and fun and doesn't mean that a person is necessarily chasing after someone else but just shown that there is an interest in the other person because of the willingness to maybe joke around with them some in a way that shows interest in them.

Thanks!

Well yea I have guy friends but I would never date them ickkk!