[mumo123]

I know its an easy answer... I need to forget about her. Sorry for making this long and probably confusing, oh and the typos... Spell check didn't work.

Background: Im 23 she's 21. Her parents are divoced, mine are together. Been with this girl almost 3 years. Practically lived with her, saw her almost everyday. We both worked m-f 9-5 jobs for the past year and a half or so. I spent every night on the weekend with her and m-f stayed with her till 3am then went home for the rest of the night to be up for work at 7, she loved that and I loved doing that. When we met I urged her to go to school and get out of her high school job and she did and graduated, made me really proud. Got a job and lost it and I helped her find her current job, but its stressfull for her as they are short staffed. She's moved twice since I met her and all her life she's moved from house to house which I know is difficult and can really get to someone. Anyway, we've had our moments of arguing and being unhappy as all relationships do. But we always managed to pull things together and fight through the tough times. We were always there for each other and we loved each other. Last year during the holidays we hit a rough patch and weren't officially in a relationship, at first we took it slow and eventually it went back to normal, finally we just gave ourselves the titles again. Around my birthday in September this year she told me she was excited for the holidays since we were not on the rocks like last year and this year would have been a lot better.

Anyway to the problem: Recently I learned a family member in another country was diagnosed with cancer. I took it really hard. For the few weeks after I heard the terrible news, I had my moments of being upset. My ex promised me shed be there no matter what happened. Things started getting a little harder for me, then my mom said she's going to visit the said family member with cancer. (I live with my parents still by the way.) Anyway leading up to thanksgiving things weren't that great for me and my ex. She had her head stuck in the twilight books (rolls eyes) and I was just really looking to someone (her) to be there for me emotionally. I guess it got too stressfull for her to deal with and we had a fight. She said she has been unhappy and depressed for a while now. Ive told her I know you haven't been yourself, why do you think I ask you if your OK or what's the matter every time I see you an what not. Anyway, we ended the argument but it wasn't OK by any means. Usually she's doesn't go out during the week and goes to bed 12-1 the latest. But that week she went out with her friends everyday, she came home 11-12 which is reasonable an id go over to her place to see her and to pass out with her like normal. She would stay up reading the twilight books or sit on her laptop till right around the time I left each night. She tol dme she hated when I left and it made her really uncomfortable and sad when I did. Anyway the day before thanksgiving she wentou with her friends, I was fine with that, I stayed home because my borther and sister were home from college for thanksgving break so I took the time to be with them. 5am she texted me saying come hang out, I agreed, nothing unusual about that. Went to her place, watched TV and she passed out I was too interested in the show we were watching. So anyway I covered her up because she was on top of the blanket and I went ot be deventually. Next morning, thanksgiving day, she was supossed to go to a family members house an our and a half away. I tried waking her up, she wouldn't. Evnetually I got up and said listen I'm going home I have to get stuff ready for thanksgiving at my place, she said wait ill ge tup, so she got up and called her mom, who was apparently supossed to call her to wake her up to go for thanksgiving at her family members, they had an argument or whatnot and my ex said forget it and hing up. Anyway, told my girlfriend I was going ohme ot get ready for turkey and she said shed meet me at my house. Rest of the day was fine, it was pretty great actually. Spent time at my house and her dads house eating turkey and plaing games and such. Afterwards we went out ot the movies. Saw, you guessed it twilight (2nd time actually) I hate it but she loves it. Anyway it was 1am or so and I had work the net day, she didn't. I went home she went out to her friends house. Fine.

Friday after work I asked if she wanted to han gout, she said sure. Went to her place, baught her her favorite flowers to try to put a smile on her face, she opened the door said "what is this" I was like umm did you really just say that? Anyway she put the flowers in a vase and said thank you and that they are really pretty and whatnot and she was sorry for first saying "what is this" That night she went to her friends birthday party after we hung out. I asked her if she was all right and she said no but I'm not going to talk to you about it. I asked why not I'm here for you. She went on to say ses depressed and that's why she can't sleep and that's why she doesn't want to see me. I left after we hugged and kissed. She said she didn't feel too good and wouldn't be out late. 2-3am rolls around and she texts me saying she's getting ready to leave and that she misses me a lot. I said OK ill come see you. Got to her house, I walked in and she looked so depressed, first thing I did was give her a hug and just held her for a while. I didn't know what was going on... She said she misses being happy with life and back how we used to be, meaning not upset and unhappy all the time. So we went to bed and I just held her really close until she fell asleep.

Saturday monring she didn't want to ge tup again, I told her I was leaving and when I said that she decided to get up. When I was leaving she gave me a big hug and a kiss and let out a sigh.. My mom left that day. Anyway later that night we went shopping. I promised her a while ago that id get her a stuffed animal that she wanted. She was really excited and happy when she got it. Anyway after we left she went home to get read to han gout iwht her friends. I texted her saying why do I get the feeling that you don't want anyhitng to do with me anymore, we haven't spent a single night together or anyhitng. She said because I don't, don't u get it? I was shocked... After she came home from her friends I went to her house, she seemed more calm. We didn't tlak besides saying hi and she went to bed and I tried sleeping but I couldn't fall asleep as I was thitnking about what she said.

Sunday again I go tup she didn't want to, said I was leaving and she said OK, I said I love you and gave her a kiss. Waited for her to get up as she wasn't getting up. Brother and sister both left for school that day. Later in the day she contacted me and tol dme everyhitng. Said she can't sleep because she's depressed and when she's home all she wants to do is lay in bed and do nothing. She hasn't gone to the gym in almost 3 weeks either might I add. I tried reasoning with her but it was over. She said she didn't know if she was ready to be in such a permanent relationship and that she couldn't deal with all the stuff that's going on around us. That's the story.

I love her so much, I can't stop thinking about her. I tried tlkaing to her a few times during the past few days but she just tells me the same tings over and over. She said she's been spending a lot of time with her best friend which is good because she never really did, which I never stopped her form doing. I know I have to let her go and focus on what's going on with my family. Its just so difficult for me to do anyhiting. Im alone at my house iwht my dad who I don't get along with too well. My borther sister and mom are gone. My friends are all either busy or working. I have no one to turn to, I have no one to kep my mind off it. I think I'm going insane. I miss my ex so much and I just wish she was here. She always knew how to make me feel better when I was down...

What can I do? Its making me depressed. She said shed be there for me no matter what and she's gone... I just wish I coul dhave her back. I didn't speak her her for 2 days to let her calm down and see if she would be open to tlkaing again, but today whe ni spoke to her she acted the same, like she didn't care and that her decision is final. I don't want to believe its happening... any advice or words to bring up my spirits? She said shed be there for me no matter what and she's gone... This week has been hell for rme.

[mumo123]

More to add. For the year and a half to 2 years she would tlak about how she couldn't wait for our futures and getting married and having kids and what not and how she knew id make a great husband and father. I know that's just girl talk, but I couldn't see why not... Maybe she's just getting scared and doesn't know if she really wants to be with me? Who knows... Its really difficult for me to even think straight anymore.

[artlady]

Do you have anyone to hang out with besides your girl?

It sounds like you need her like a drug or something.

I think maybe you are a little too clingy and she really does need some space.

You can't be in someone's face all the time.

Everyone needs some alone time and it sounds like you just don't want any.

You sound very sweet and attentive as a BF but maybe too attentive (?)

You really need to have a long talk and decide where your relationship is now and where ,if anywhere it is going.

Honest communication is the key to a healthy relationship and you need to tell her everything you expressed here.

Some young girls, for some obscure reason seem to be drawn to the guys who push them away and ignore them. I don't get it but its true.Hence ,the expression *nice guys finish last*.

They say men like the chase but I suspect a lot of girls do as well.

Bottom line back off a little.. let her call you and show a little indifference and see what happens.I really hate to encourage game playing but if you do this you might find the answer to your problem. Best of luck!

[mumo123]

I have plenty of friends they are just never around, ones a cop and he works nights when I'm home, another one starte academy so he's too exhausted to do anyhitng but go home and relax with his new girlfriend, ones too busy with school work he's always studying, and the last is away at school. Those are the only friends that really matter to me and that aren't dime a dozen, the only people I can really talk to. She's the only one that was around most of the time and she would ask me to hang out all the time, so it was either hang out or sit at home alone... what would any person choose? Its not that I was clingy or anyhitng, I didn't really have a problem with her going out with her friends and not wanting to be with me. It was hard the last 2 weeks we were together when she never wanted to see me and I would sit home and think about my family and the problems that have come up with. And like I said I tried backing off for a couple of days to have her set her calm down some. But when I talked to her today she said she can't be with me anymore and she was talking like she didn't care about anyhting anymore. Exactly what I told her, "ive seen nothing but your dark side since we broke up" All she could say was that everyone has a dark side. I loved being with her, she helped me get through so much when we were together. I feel like I have no one else to tlak to. Like I said my friends are all too busy and when they do go out they want to party... Im in no state to be partying right now.

[LifeChangesMan]

Hey there,

All right man, I'm sorry to hear about your situation, that's a tough pill to swallow for her to nail you with that line of not wanting anything to do with you. You need to understand everyone goes through this, I'm going through it now, my ex-gf left me about a month ago for herself because she needed time for her and find out who she was, I ripped my hair out tried to figure out what I did wrong, you know what I came up with? NOTHING.

I feel like your in the same boat, you seem like a great sincere guy, I suggest you try not to get answers for why this happened, and take it for what it is, forget about her do NOT contact her at all, let her go, she asked for this, let her go. If you love something set it free, and if it comes back it's meant to be. Go by that, the ball's not in your court anymore, she knows how much you care about her, she doesn't need you telling her everyday, distance is supposed to make the heart grow fonder, I say have FAITH in yourself about how good you were, and the LOVE you have for each other.

As for what to do now, go out with your friends, make new friends, if your old enough go to the bar meet people, go to bars in different towns you'd never been too, just get out, I actually picked up reading (which I hated) and that's been helping me a lot.

I'll be around if you want to talk,
Take Care,
LCM

[artlady]

Hay Mumo.. you have to listen to LCM... the only way to get over something is not to dwell on it and the only way to not dwell on it is occupy your mind with something else.

Sounds simple right?

Its not, but you have to work at it.Hay,you seem to have a good head and since you know about love lost you should sign on her and give some advice. There is nothing better to take away your own heartache than to help someone else.It really takes your mind off you if only for a short time.
If bars aren't the answer than try that.. really !
I think you would be a real asset here... and it will help you also.

What's to lose right.. nothing ventured nothing gained

Many blessings Michele

[mumo123]

My one friend who's away at school would always tlak to me about his problems with his past girlfriends. He always said he envied the relationship that me and my ex had because we seemed so right and we made I through a lot and everything seemed so strong between us. I was tlkaing to him the other day and he said to just let her be for now, move on with your life and see what happens down the road, he said the way me and my ex were wasn't a lie and that he can't see us not being together again. But yeah he always came to me for advice on what to do and I tried to help him out as est I can. And to tell you the truth the only time I've felt better the past week was when I was reading this site and tlkaing to him. Everyone else I talked to just said the same thing, screw women... that's not going to help my situation lol.

[mumo123]

Update.

Me and my ex talked for a bit asking about my stuff at her plae and her stuff at my place. She when ton to tell me she stopped feeling anything towards me a while ago. And when I told her that she never sat down and tlaked to me about it, she said that she did but I never listened. Most of the time when she had a problem with something it went something like, "I can't stand this anymore" and when I asked what? She would start yelling... Of coarse at that point I want going to listen because its impossible to understand her like that, that's her temper talking and not making any sense.
Anyway, she's been hanging out with this other guy quite often now. I asked her if she left me for him. She said no and that she didn't reall start hanging out with him until after she brok up with me. She said that they are just friends and that he is very interesting and they talk a lot about things. She also said that they share a lot of the same qualities and that they have a lot in common. So I said "so your fallig ofr him?" she said "maybe ii know how" So yeah she's got her mind on somoene else now.. Now I have to grieve with the loss and move on. Really a big downer. If only she would have tried tell me straight up about her feelings months ago. Rather than say somehting and then yell.

[High Max]

Don't put up with this anymore. Get your belongings, and then "accidentally" throw out hers. She will naturally ask what you are doing, tell her that everyone has a dark side with a little smile, and tell her to get the hell out of here.

You gave your all, and I knew when I was reading this by the pattern she was going out at night suddenly was an almost clear cut indicator there was another guy. She doesn't deserve your respect, she yells at you and treats you like garbage. Don't tolerate that, go out with a bang and let her remember you aren't one who tolerates BS.

[mumo123]

So i said "so your fallig ofr him?" she said "maybe ii know how"

I meant to say So your falling for him? She said "maybe i dont know"



And yeah it really hurts having this don't to me. I can't seem to sop thinking about it.:(