[Ruislip]

My g/f wants us to just be friends

Over the past 7yrs we have probably split up over 100+ (no exagaration!)
Her mouth says she wants us to be friends but her actions say otherwise. If she sees me she's cuddling me, getting undressed in in the same room. So I make a pass and sometimes it's on other times she's not interested?

So we argue and then I agree to being Friends and tell her that there's then, no need for cuddling, getting undressed in front of me etc and to keep it platonic.

She said I couldn't handle myself (as I’m very sexual and want it regularly)and would make a pass but I assured her that I could and would!

I stayed 2wks ago at her place after dropping off a TV. We agreed to the above before I came over and it was fine. In the morning she asked for a back massage. I gave her the massage then left without making a single pass. She then calls me in the evening telling me she had a dream that morning, that we had had sex! Then she said she had wanted to jump me! I told her I hadn't even thought about it!

She invited me back saying lets see what happens. We agreed that there wold be a forfeit to play if either of us made a pass.

She made a pass and jumped on top of me!

I told her that her forfeit was to get off me and stay on her side of the bed!

She did for a short while then promptly striped off and jumped me again! She was all over me and it was great! F Stayed the w/end and left for work on Mon.Then we speak during the week and she behaves like we are 'just' friends again? We argue on Thurs and she explains she wants to be friends and to help me so I can stay at hers on Mon as I'm working in town on Tues (she lives in town) We do not speak again till Mon when she calls to see if I'm still coming. I go and act platonic doing some work on my laptop.

She puts on a film, keeps bending over wearing her PJ’s, touching me and closing the distance between us. We watch the film than I say I want to go to sleep now so we say good night. She keeps talking and I tell her I want to sleep. She apologises and then turns to face me. She gives me that look so I kiss her. Then she pulls back and says no but carries on staring at me. Then she takes off her top and jumps me! In the morning she's all cuddles and we walk to catch public transport with her linking my arm. I come back after work after she calls saying she 's cooking us dinner. Then she brings the dinner acting all cranky because she hasn't eaten all day and then she starts questioning the friendship saying that we’re not sticking to our agreement to be friends! I get dressed and she stays not to go as she’d bought us diner for tomorrow which was her day off and I had planned to work remotely from her house, but I said bye and left! She's now calling me MR Cool as I just walked away yet again.

So my question remains

Is She just playing games?

Any insight is welcomed..

[HistorianChick]

Yes. She's playing games with you're heart and you're letting her.

I'm sorry to be blunt, but you are allowing this girl to exploit your feelings and your past history in order to have a quick fix, feel good, and then ignore the issue.

She's using you. She's playing games. She's playing with your heart.

You need to decide if you're done with the games, done with the childish decisions, and are ready to move on... and up.

[ashey23ole]

Of course she is! Don't you find it annoying when she does that? No one likes a tease. Find another girl that will be stable with you. I know its harder said then done. But you are ready for something new and stable. Its not possibe for you 2 to be friends when she's like that...

It seems there's somehting wrong with her, don't make it drive you crazy...

[Ruislip]

Thx for the response..

No probs... honesty is best

So what should I do the next time she calls asking ' How am I ?' And what she I tell re being just friends?

[HistorianChick]

At this point, hon, I'm sorry, but I don't think you can "be friends." Friends look out for each others' best interests... not use them for sex. That's not friends, that's the epitome of selfishness.

Honestly? I don't think you should answer her phone calls. If you feel like you need closure, which, I may suggest would be a good idea, call her and tell her that you are not a toy, you're not a piece in a game, and you're not going to be used any longer. Tell her that you need to cut ties... and do it.

Its harsh and brutal, but you must do this if you want to get your life back. She's controlling you, manipulating you, and using you. Don't let her play the game.

And the only way to do that is to say, "I'm out."

[ashey23ole]

You know I how hard it is to completely drop contact with her but seeing how it is messing with you maybe just keep it a phone friendship? Don't let her manipulate you into seeing her... she should respect your feelings.

This way you can remain in contact and still show you care but won't be bothered by her misleading actions

[Ruislip]

Hi Ash... you're right I hate this. Beginning to see the light though! What's the most dignified way to let her know that I've had enough and that friendship is not an option either? She also owes me some money and is going out New Years eve to the same place as me and my brothers.

[ashey23ole]

Im glad this is getting you somewhere. I would say the most dignified way would to be meet up with her to talk about it, but seeing how that's where the problems start I would either shoot her an email (if you'd rather not have to listen to her response) or call her and explain how it hard to be friends with someone who doesn't know what they want and are constantly playing games. To her this is fun, its like a chase for her, but its unhealthy.

As far as the money, as long as its not too much, id let it go, because if you stay with her to get the money then leave she might retaliate big time.

Please try to find somewhere else to party... she's going to ruin your night.

7 years is enough. You seem smart too. Do it :)

[HistorianChick]

Don't do it via email - that's not "dignified."

I would recommend doing it face to face... its going to be hard, because she knows how to push your buttons. But this is the first step for standing up for yourself. "When push comes to shove you see what you're made of." (Rascal Flatts song, Stand)

I'd count the money as lost. Your mental health and personal liberty are much more important than financial losses.

Its hard, but you can do it.

[HistorianChick]

ashey23ole disagrees: you said before to call her, now your saying face to face. He shouldn't do that. Shell only do the same thing...

He needs to stand up for himself and email is not the way. If he can't stand up to her and say No, I'm done and will not be your toy, then what is there to learn? Email is the easy way out.

This has been happening for seven years because the OP has allowed himself to be played. Its time to stand up and get out of the game.

[ashey23ole]

Your right, he does need to stand up, but there are other ways to stand his ground. He's let this go on for years and little has changed. There's something about her that's a weakness to him when they are together. I've experienced that. Face to face is when she manipulates him, he might be ready to leave but not be ready to get the strength and do it face to face...

Am I right sir?

[HistorianChick]

Sometimes you have to stand up face your fears.

Ultimately, its up to the OP how he decides to face this problem... but it needs to be faced. Phone or in person, it needs to be done... and that has to be the last point of contact.

Personally, I would think that being able to say NO to her face to face would be a greater victory.

[Alty]

Ashley23, please read the rules and regulations.

Disagrees are for factually incorrect posts, not for opinions.

You don't have to agree with HC, but in this instance a reddie wasn't warranted.

[Ruislip]

Ok LOL this is great but I didn't want to start a battle! ;) what is 'balancer' and 'reddies' mean?

Anyway I'm comfortable meeting her in person to tell her in person, not going to the New years eve gig (unless I have a new g/f to bring!) and forgetting about the money she owes me.

Think I'm wise to the game now and am not going to let myself feel flattered that she's sexually attracted to me.

I want a clean break and am feeling better already about the prospect so I want to cut ties completely and make space to attract the right women for me... I'm sure she's keen to meet me too! ;)

[HistorianChick]

You have the right attitude.

I must warn you, it is going to be very difficult to cut her out of your life, but I'm so glad that you're taking initiative to stand up for yourself.

I know the magnetic power of someone that you've shared memories with - and I know the freeing release of saying, "I've had enough." I hope that you are able to follow through with this and go on in to that shiny realm of possibility, just waiting around the corner! :)

[talaniman]

Over the past 7yrs we have probably split up over 100+ (no exagaration!)

You're a better guy than I am, once is enough for me.

;) what is 'balancer' and 'reddies' mean?

A reddie is a disagreement and means the advice is either not factual, or can be dangerous.

A balancer is to offset a reddie, by someone, and is given when they think a reddie is unwarranted.

I want a clean break and am feeling better already about the prospect so I want to cut ties completely and make space to attract the right women for me... I'm sure she's keen to meet me too! ;)

Just tell her the truth, all of it, and leave her alone, and both of you can move on, but I don't think she will do so, as quickly as you will. Don't play anymore games with her. Just leave her alone.

[Ruislip]

I found out this year that I had cancer on my kidney even though I don't smoke, drink alcohol or even take tablets for headache. Have had it removed in Aug and I'm now back at work. I then crashed my BMW conv conv ino another car. She was in the passenges seat with seatbelt on and I didn't have mine on. The other guy had no injuries nor did she or I! My car was meant to be written off but with advice I called them and it's now being repaired. Have moved from having a 4 bed house to renting one room in a horrible house share. Needless to say 2008 has been probably the worst year of my life! But I'm still standing! I will meet her one last time, and maybe for old time sake do the wild thing but I 'll be gone before she wakes ups I'll be gone for good! :) Now that will be closure

[HistorianChick]

I'm very sorry for your horrible misfortune of the last year. It sounds like you've really had a rough one.

It is good to make a clean break of it, to say "enough is enough," and to be done... but don't play her game.

She uses you to satisfy her own "wild" needs... don't do the same thing... that would be stooping to her level and playing right back.

Be the big person in this. State your mind and clear out. Be done with her.

[Ruislip]

Thx HC thinking about it she doesn't deserve that. I clean break is all that's necessary which I'll do face to face. She can keep what she owes me money in return for her promise to not contact me again. Is that reasonable?

BTW Your advice has been I great help and tonic so thanks ;)

[Ruislip]

She can keep what she owes me money wise in return for her promise to not contact me again oops typo ;)