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TrueFaith · Dec 23, 2008, 11:10 PM

Dude you are taking 2 steps forward and 8 steps back

Until you start to follow the advice here word for word

You will always be in pain and messt up. Trust me.

Being dumped breaking up
Is never easy
There is always a.. Oh but this and that.

Your job is to go no contact the best you can

talaniman · Dec 24, 2008, 05:58 AM

How about speaking up for yourself, and doing what you need to do for yourself. Why are you letting her control the whole show, and you follow?

Your confusion has made you an easy target, that she pulls you along at will, so either stand up for yourself, and say what you mean, and mean what you say, or do as your told.

jmw0713 · Dec 24, 2008, 06:59 AM

Tal, my thoughts exactly. He is letting this girl control him.

Husky, you got to be strong and drop this girl. Seeing and talking to her is just preventing you from moving on. You're confused because you are still allowing her to control your life and emotions when you are NO WHERE NEAR the point of being over her. You have to proceed forward with the thought that she IS NOT coming back. She is done with you and you should work on being done with her.

Try to go hang out with people who don't hang out with her!

This is time to pick up a hobby and to find something else to do that monopolizes your time. Have you thought about joining a gym? What about some sort of sports or social club? You need to do something to expand your circle of friends to get yourself away from her and people who know her.

talaniman · Dec 24, 2008, 08:17 AM

She is to wrapped up in your life, and your challenge is to unwrap her from it.

husky04 · Dec 24, 2008, 01:08 PM

Going back to no contact today, its not difficult at all. I talked to her last night and told her I can't be friends with her because I'm trying to move on and maybe we can be friends in the future. She got mad and told me we can never be friends again and this is my decision and I can't take it back. I have done that before but I am committed to sticking to nc so I can get over this self centered bi***. To answer your question, I am on the basketball team, but as you all know I'm in high school, and all the people I hang out with hang out with the same group of girls she is with. NC is the best thing for me and if she doesn't want to be friends when I'm completely over her then she isn't worth it anyway.

jmw0713 · Dec 24, 2008, 02:48 PM

Yea, she doesn't sound like a very nice girl. You can do way better.

talaniman · Dec 24, 2008, 02:51 PM

Now your getting it, stay mad.

husky04 · Dec 27, 2008, 08:34 PM

As I sit here in confusion, the ex is out with all of my bestfriends, I made a big mistake today. And I know all of you are going to get mad at me for doing this, but she texted me and asked if we were friends.. I said yes and she told me we could possibly date in the future if her and the guy she is with right now doesn't work out. I told her I just don't know if I can do that because I hate hearing you talk about her and her relationship. So she goes on and says she thinks its stupid that we can't be friends just because you can't handle it. I said right now I can't your right. We are friends and we have been texting back and forth all day.

I don't know how to tell her I can't be friends with her yet. And when I am completely over her should I be friends with her? We were pretty good friends before the relationship happened, but there was always something there if you know what I mean. I just don't want to go back and forth I want to be friends or go no contact again.

talaniman · Dec 28, 2008, 06:53 AM

She obviously doesn't care, and didn't care about how you felt. Another thing is she wasn't as into you, as you were her, so you must realize the only one looking out for you is, YOU. Stop the contact, and leave her alone, and after you heal, you can get better friends than her.

She told me we could possibly date in the future if her and the guy she is with right now doesn't work out.

That I would take as an insult. You better start telling her the truth, and stop letting her lead you by the nose hairs.

husky04 · Dec 31, 2008, 12:46 AM

It is for sure done now, you guys have helped a lot.. the ex got drunk at my friends house the other night and had sex with my friends older brother, they took a shower and everything.. she called me the next day crying saying she got raped.. of course I made the mistake and felt bad for her and we started to talk again. I then asked some of my buddies who were there what happened. They told me she was all over him and so drunk she couldn't stand up.. I got really mad over this and texted her saying you fing slut your such an fing liar. She said she told me everything she remembered.

Eventually, we stopped talking and tonight she called me and basically told me I'm the worst guy to ever live and I was an for saying everything I did last night, and told me everything that was wrong with me. Guys this lowered myself esteem so much I don't even know what to do with myself. She said she hates me more then anyone and she lost all trust and respect she had for me, I apologized multiple times but she didn't care. She said to never talk to her or look at her again or she will just "shut me down." did I blow any chance I had with her or did she?

JBeaucaire · Dec 31, 2008, 01:56 AM

Stop asking questions like that. Close the book, move on. Anything else is you two just adding misery to each other, totally unnecessary. Let it go. Move along.

jmw0713 · Dec 31, 2008, 06:46 AM

Dude, just drop it. LEAVE HER ALONE. Work on YOURSELF. Go out and stay distracted, that's the only way to move one from this.

How can you even think about giving a second chance when she has no regards for your feelings anymore. She wants to see other people.
There is NOT a second chance with her...there never was.

Just live with the fact that the past is the past, you had fun while you were with her, AND LEAVE IT AT THAT. DO NOT WASTE ANYMORE TIME ON HER.

It's time to move forward, not to dwell. You will find a girl that you will like that is better for you.

Sorry for being harsh, but you sounded like you needed a slap back to reality with this girl.

KertAllikvee · Dec 31, 2008, 07:01 AM

Listen, mate I know exactly what you feel... I`ve been there. Don`t try to forget her that will hurt you. She just wants some time I guess. If that girl is like mine then you should do everything to get her back. I don`t know her so I don`t know what she likes, But do those things and I bet that you two will be happy ;)

N0help4u · Dec 31, 2008, 07:01 AM

Doesn't sound like she was genuine about who she was but rather sounds like you love things about her that she created to make you love her. You need to take the things you loved about her and find them in somebody that is for real.

jmw0713 · Dec 31, 2008, 07:37 AM

Kert, I have to disagree. Why fight for someone who totally disregards your feelings and wants to move on and do their own thing, like Husky's ex?

I think that the risk/reward for him fighting for her is WAY out of his favor. He should really work on making a life for himself and let the future take care of what happens later. If he fights, he will mostly likely prolong and intensify his pain, and waste precious time he could be using to move on with his life.

kctiger · Dec 31, 2008, 07:39 AM

The "fighting" issue comes into hand when you over glorify every single facet of your ex, as if she is the greatest thing out there. If you are good enough to get her, why can you not think you are good enough without her? Way too often do we put our ex on a pedestal and act like we were the lucky ones, but that is not reality. There are always bad times in a relationship, and there are always flaws in another person, so don't let your heart or emotions blind you to that fact.

talaniman · Dec 31, 2008, 08:15 AM

If you insist on being involved with someone who dumped you, and is doing her thing then expect it to hurt.

Now grow up, and cope with the loss of this drunk, lying, floozy in a more mature way, and keep what's left of your dignity and self respect, by getting out of her business, and get some yourself.

Why are you letting this monkey stop your show? Its only been a month or so, but your sure dragging your self thru a lot of pain for nothing.

husky04 · Dec 31, 2008, 01:08 PM

Everything said here is good advice, I just feel like I'm attatched and it sucks. I just feel like when people say I will find a better girl, that I won't. I want to find a better girl right now, but it doesn't seem possible. She always finds a way to turn it around on me. To blame everything on me. Last night when we talked, she made it seem like I blew any chance of getting her back, but she was the one to go get drunk and have sex with another guy. She told me she hates me more then anyone now..

jmw0713 · Dec 31, 2008, 01:54 PM

You have to stop talking to her. It's her that is holding YOU back. Stop all communication. She is poisoning you emotionally, making it harder for you to see the situation for what it really is.

Don't worry about finding a better girl right now. You have to get over this one first before you even start looking.

I feel the same way you do bro about finding someone better. My ex was everything that I wanted (or thought I wanted), beauty (10 out of 10) and brains (Straight A's through college). However, right now I am to jaded to accurately see who is really beautiful right now that would be better than her. So I am just trying my best to stay occupied with friends and attempting the enjoy my singledom for now. I just keep hoping that someday soon another girl will knock my socks off in both intelligence and beauty as she did. You should do the same.

Take sometime, and be single. Let all your emotions balance back out and just live. Don't look for love, or look for women. They will always be around and before you know it, one will be with you again and really respect and love you. She will be better than any other women you have had in the past. Why? You will know what you want, and know how to deal with any of the twists that may come your way.

Hey just so you know... my ex is up in Boston "celebrating" New Years with the guy she left me for RIGHT NOW! She left right after Xmas to see him. So, I know your pain. It's very hard to deal with. You have to give it time and let time work before you can finally free yourself.

husky04 · Dec 31, 2008, 04:39 PM

Thank you, I will stop all communication with her, it just sucks knowing that we might have been able to try it again, and now knowing she actually hates me. I just have a question.. why do I still want her! She put me through all of this and I still want to talk to her and see her! I don't get it at all