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Messed_UP · Nov 15, 2008, 10:22 PM

Hello all out there who may be interested!

I'm in my late 40s and I have had a full life and travelled quite a bit.

I have overcome some serious challenges in my life quite successfully.

I have been married for almost 25 years and have a child who is dear to me and successful in his education.

I spent a great deal of my adult life chasing my ambitions... I enjoyed my career life.

Today I am financially all right and have a husband who loves me and is willing to stand by me through my lows. He was not always like this... he did not understand me and was quite insensitive to me. But today that is different.

So, you ask what real problem do I have? I should be happy and count my blessing right? I do, but...

I have met and fallen in love with a very sensitive man about 5 years ago. He loves me back dearly and desperately wants to be with me.

I can be happy with him but not on the back of my husband whom I have a deep bond with and whom I want to make sure is happy.

I'm constantly weighing the pros and cons of these two relationships. The man I have fallen in love with has not received any commitment from me but he knows what I feel for him as well for my husband.

So, break off with this other person and give it time and things will improve in my marriage, right? Well easier said than done. I cannot stop thinking about this person, yet I am not sure leaving my marriage for him will make me happy.

Being a normally decisive person, this state of indecision is taking me down and I can't seem to have a sustained sense of well being.

Any help or similar experience you have overcome will help.

Thanks

ibrown · Apr 2, 2009, 12:09 AM

Pray about it because cheating while married bring no good luck.So try to work the issues out with your husband because you all have been together for years and I know there has to be something there.But God has all the answers seek and you shall find.

Messed_UP · Apr 4, 2009, 08:05 PM

Thank you ibrown

I wish · Apr 4, 2009, 08:53 PM

Hmm, not sure why not one else posted a comment. Any updates since you posted the question?

You are cheating on your husband. You really have to make up your mind. Take whatever time you need to figure it you.

You are leading the other guy on by giving him hope, because you did not firmly establish that you are fully committed to your husband.

talaniman · Apr 5, 2009, 12:00 PM

We humans have the capacity to love many people, who come, and go in our lives. Nothing wrong with that, as long as you stay within the boundaries of good behavior.

writers_cramp · Apr 11, 2009, 04:53 PM

You love two people that is plain to see. Both of them love you back. Your husband has adapted to what has happened to you and it sounds as if he may know about the other man, this says a great deal about him and his continued love for you. I am sure the other man also loves you but you have stated more reasons to stay with your husband than you have to leave him.

It seems there is no easy answer, you will have pain whichever route you take. It is not a question of which route will give you the least pain, it is a question of which route will make you the happiest and the most comfortable (mentally).

Your loyalty and love for your husband is the stronger bond else you would have left your marriage years ago. Keeping this going will only prolong your anguish and will not provide you or the men in your life time to heal. You need time to heal and you should start that healing process as soon as you can.

Messed_UP · Apr 16, 2009, 04:51 PM

Thank you I Wish, Talaniman and writers_cramp for responding to my question.

Writers_cramp... you have shown immense empathy, wisdom and understanding for my situation; it makes me feel like it was worthwhile asking for help or advice. Thank you again.