[stephanie808]

My boyfriend of over two years is treating me like I am scum of the Earth. I am sure that most folks would have told me to leave a long time ago... the truth is that I can't break the ties. We have a 15 month old daughter as well as another child on the way and he won't even tell me that he loves me anymore. He is always criticizing my every move and tells me that I am an idiot and that I am nothing. How we got to this point here goes. I had only been dating my boyfriend 4 months when I got pregnant. He didn't want the baby and I did I told him that I could do it on my own but in the end he ended up wanting to be there. He was a pilot and not very happy in his career path because he didn't want to be away from home. He ended up finding a job in a county that was really bad off economically and I told him that. I work in a town over an hour and a half away but told himt hat I would try to find a new job. I looked and found that I wouldn't have the same pay and wouldn't be able to make ends meet if I were to give up my job. I told him that I needed my health insurance for having the baby. He was very uncool about the fact that I didn't get a job but he stayed with me. He didn't contribute a dime towards me having our baby. He just bought a house (his first house, my name was never mentioned on the home). I was told that I would have to pay for everything besides the house payment in which I have done. I have kept a steady job and paid for everything for our child and for him. I did get upset and depressed after having our daughter because I thought that after a while he would want to become a true family, that he would want to help me out. He was very self centered he wouldn't even get my pain meds the day that I came home from the hospital because he was too tired. Keep in mind that I had a c-section. He made me unload the car put the stuff away and dress the bed the day that I came home from the hospital. My depression grew worse when he talked of quitting his job because I was struggling to make ends meet. He told me that if I needed money that I needed to sell my car. I didn't feel as if that was fair because it takes two to make a baby. He pushed me and things blew up so bad that I left in fear of him. He eneded up calling the cops and getting a warrant for me so I went home. A week later he was back to his old self and threatened to kill my brother. I didn't want anything bad to happen to my brother so I went back again. I stayed that time and have not left since. Fast forward 13 months. I am now in a situation where my boyfriend hasn't had a real job in over a year because he keeps quitting his job. He controls my every move and is pissed off with me because I never left my job. I never did because I can't find a job making the money that I need to make to pay the bills that I have to pay. He in that time has bought a 30thousand dollar car in which he never drives, a race car, and basically anything that he wants. He told me that children were a great responsibility and that he didn't have money problems that if I did I could sell my car. He now stays at home and runs a scam business that hasn't gotten him in trouble yet... but I am waiting. He just puts the ad's in and waits for me to do the manual work like addressing envolopes etc. He gets to stay at home with our baby while I drive an hour and a half to work each way. I feel as if I have no choice in the matter because I need a good job with good benefits which I have. I work night shift which he totally disrespects. He said that it's a scum of the Earth job and that only losers work night shift. That I am a nobody because I work nightshift. That he wanted a normal life and that he had done everything right for our relationship and that I hadn't even made step one. I feel as if I am trying to support our daughter and now our baby that is on the way. He feels as if I am wrong and that I have been hindering his happiness that that I am nothing. He has no respect for me now and has tried to get me in trouble with the cops on many occasions because he says that I have done nothing but hurt him. He says that I am to blame for all of the problems that we have because I am the loser and idiot. He says that he can't trust me because I left with our daughter two times. I left because he wouldn't help me out and he was controlling everything that I did. It has only gotten worse as time has gone by. He accuses me of cheating. I have never cheated in my life. He accuses me of being a f@%*king #it@h. He tells me that I am nothing day in and day out he shows no affection and now he won't let me leave the house with our daughter. He has called social services on me and told them that I am unfit. He has done so much to hurt me that yet I still love him. I have wised up though and realize that he is doing a lot of wrong while he is supposed to be watching our daughter. He is constantly online and looking at porn. When he is not doing that he is emailing girls and telling them that they look good, that they are hot, that they are making him horny. I know that he talks with these girls as well. It kills me inside because he won't even touch me anymore. I am pregnant and he tells me that I trapped him and lied to him and that he is going to file for custody of our daughter. I have proof of him being online and doing these things while he is supposed to be watching our daughter... I am just scared of him. He told me that he didn't want our new baby and that I will have an abortion if I am under 20 weeks pregnant. He has told me that he is moving away and has told me that I have until this weekend to get out that he is moving on with his life that he needs to put himself first. Hasn't he always put himself first. He got a job that he wanted in a economicaly low county where there were few jobs. He bought a house a hour and a half away from my job. He never made one move towards us being a family yet he seems to think that he has done everything right. That is his reasoning for not trusting me and making my life hell. I love him I just don't know the right thing to do. Should I stay or should I go and fight for custody of my kids?:confused:

[image24]

Hi Stephanie,
I am so sorry you are in such a situation it is very easy for people to sit back and tell you what you should or should not do especially when they are not emotionally involved. I like yourself got pregnant early in a relationship, we stayed together tried to make it work or should I say I tried to make it work, I thought I was doing what was best for my child. I put up with more than I ever thought I would to make it work to the point I didn't recognise myself. I always told myself cheating was the one thing I would not tolerate and if he did that he was gone. It didn't come to that in the end. He treatned to take my child, etc if I broke up with him he even threatned to leave the country that we would never see him again. One day I looked at my child and imagined how I would feel if she were in a similar situation and my heart broke, to think someone had looked at me that way when I was young and why now did I not think I deserved to be in a loving relationship, to be treated with respect, I didn't start wanting what I now had. I couldn't change him I could only change myself. So I ended it, it was long drawn out and took a lot of strength.It completely shocked him, I think he had taken me for granted for so long. I decided I had been alone all along. I just never realised so when I finally took the plunge it wasn't that bad. I'm not sure if you really want to know if he is cheating, I wonder does it really matter to you at this stage or are you looking for your final straw. (your get out clause). My thoughts are with you.