[rawar777]

So, I'm 27 and the longest relationship I have ever had is 3 months. I realize the reason I haven't had many girlfriends is because I'm shy initially and also I'm stupidly picky. But recently I have found girls that I really like but it goes a few months and then bam, its over. I can't figure out what's wrong with me. It seems like when things get hard they just want to bail. Can't we work though hard times? Why do they just give up on me?

[educatedhorse_2005]

Dating the wrong kind of girls.
Maybe it wasn't meant to be.
Could be many things.
Keep trying when the rght one comes along it will work.

[31pumpkin]

Why should things get hard in a 3 month old relationship? You need to give more info about "things get hard" aspect. How do you know that is why they bailed? How can we tell? :confused:

[J_9]

Please elaborate, the more information you give, the better to answer you my dear.

[Krs]

J_9 is right, to help you further we need more information.

But from experience I learnt that when you don't look or search for a girlfriend or a relatiosnhip it suddently just appears in front you.

[talaniman]

Its either something you do or the type of female you choose. Either way more details are needed for any opinion to be formed.

[Wildcat21]

I think your missing out on her test. You answer the questions wrong.

Learn to answer those tough questions with a question.

[Wildcat21]

Couple sites to help you.

www.doubleyourdating.com

www.askmen.com - read every article on dating and relationships. BUY Doc Love's book.

[DJ 'H']

I think your missing out on her test. You answer the questions wrong.

Learn to answer those tough questions with a question.

You need to remember to be mysterious. An element of mystery leaves excitement for her to want to find out more about you. Let too much out at once, the spark dies and the excitement disappears.

[Wildcat21]

YES!! DJ H!! You hit on the head - perfect.

[Wildcat21]

IF you act too anxious to make a relationship work, even if the other person initially seemed to be the one who wanted it, they will become turned off and start looking for the exits. Next time you decide you really want somebody, play your cards close to your chest. Don't let on how excited you've become. Slowly over many months of time you can eventually show more commitment on your part, but do so incrementally, remaining alert to equal signs of commitment back. If at any point your devotion is more than an equal share, back off and give the other person a chance to catch up before proceeding further.

It is their perception, rightly or wrongly, that someone nice must be desperately needy. The neediness or dependent characteristics exhibited by a person are actually what is repulsive.

[shunned]

I don't consider relationships in 3-6 month intervals. It's day to day. Some days are bad, some good. But people need to feel each other out while they seek compatibility. In your honest appraisal, was the relationship compatible? Were there problem points that maybe the other person did not feel was worth "working on" or compromising for?

[Chery]

Most women, when they first meet a man, don't really expect the man to bombard them with their life's story, or with serious problems or hard times.

The first few months should be spent with relaxed atmosphere, entertainment, humor, and just generally getting to know each other.
On this simple check-list of things to do, there should be no "I hate my job"; no "My car payments kill me" "My medical problems are piling up", other little things like that. If you get my drift.

It should entail what type of music you like, what type of foods, books, movies, TV shows, hobbies, etc.
Also, walks in the park, on the beach, to a coffee shop or movie.. Meet her friends, so that she can see how you interact with others around her.

So, your initial shyness seems like it's not letting yourself get loose, and you're a little stressed for 'fun' things to do and talk about. You'll need a little work on that. If possible, let her take charge of how a day will develop and follow her lead.

Relax, the 'hard times' are experienced by everyone and tolerance of these comes from learning to love and accept everything else about the person first. Don't put the 'cart before the horse' in your relationships and take things slow.

[valinors_sorrow]

You have many good points to consider from the folks who have posted here. I would agree and add only a few observations, for what its worth?

1. 3 months or under is not a relationship, its called dating.

2. You have to date first, then get acquainted, then get close, then get closer, then meet family, then get over meeting the family, then get exclusive, then panic, :eek: then get over panicking... and then maybe you get to call it a relationship which you will spend an inordinate amount of time in the beginning defining what kind of relationship it is, okay? Do not rush this. Do not attempt this with just anyone either.

3. Shy can be appealing to some people!

4. Picky isn't stupid, its YOUR life and who you share any time with ought to be people you are interested in.

5. Quit trying to get there. Like Yoda says, "There is no there".

6. Continue dating and if you don't understand what you are doing wrong, go back to #1 and repeat as often as necessary.

I hope that helps to enlighten and lighten up too! :p

[Chinna]

There isn't anything wrong with being picky. We all have standards which we should stick by, never compromise for the wrong reason. You need to evaluated the young ladies a bit more before you decide to date one.

[fredg]

Hi, Rawar,
You have some very good anwers. I would just like to add that relationships sometimes do not work out! as you know. Dating is meeting others, getting to know them, and you will find the right person for you.
Here are some tips, that at 64 yrs old, married 29 yrs, have learned the "hard way". (I was divorced my first 7 yrs of marriage).
1. Smile when you meet someone. It shows you like yourself, and others will like you, too.
2. Listen to others when you meet them. You can make more friends in a month listening to them, than in a year by them listening to you.
3. A good relationship requires trust, compromise, caring, respect, and wanting the other to be happy. You will have to do things you don't want to do sometimes, in order for the other to be happy.
Hang in there, and I do wish you the best.

[s_cianci]

It's hard to answer your question without some more details. You suggest that things get "hard" and then they bail out. I'm wondering what kind of "hard times" you run into after spending only 3 months with someone. I'm wondering if maybe you come off as a little too needy or insecure? I'm sure other posters on this thread will suggest that to you also. In the future, when you meet someone, you may want to take things a little more slowly and not be constantly available to them 24/7. Adding a little mystery to yourself will probably make you much more interesting to women and will likely keep their interest sparked for longer periods than what you've experienced up until now. When you date women, make your dates "few but intense." What I mean by that is show them a wonderful time but then wait a while before calling them again. Don't make your latest love interest the sole focus of your life. Date several women at the same time. You know, Mary one weekend, Nancy the next, then Sally and then maybe Mary again the following weekend. You'll be having a good time and not having to obsess on any one particular woman. Chances are you'll have them coming after you. Then you'll be humming an entirely different tune.

[tgloss76]

I can deffenitly feel your frustration about this, all I can say is don't try toooo
Hard

[BIM]

Most women, when they first meet a man, don't really expect the man to bombard them with thier life's story, or with serious problems or hard times.

Nicely put! You may scare them away.

[Skell]

Do you get too atttached early on and push them away? Being clingy and needy will certainly have a negative impact on any relationship.
Perhaps it is a simple matter of you trying too ahrd early on.
Just be yourself and let things happen naturally. Don't push. Take things slow. Most of all just keep it fun. You are only getting to know the person. Things shouldn't be serious early on.