[PhillyFan08]

Ok, So I'll try to summarize this as short as possible. My ex-girlfriend and I dated for about 8 months. She's 17 and I'm 19. About 3 months ago we broke up (she broke up with me) and I believe it was because of another guy she was interested in. It ripped my heart out because for the first time in my life I really felt like I was in love with a girlfriend. I'm not a desperate guy or anything, but I felt like absolute for a while after she dumped me. She would still talk to me the following weeks but at times said some mean things to me (about wanting nothing to do with me and all) and I'd say some mean things to her (though I could never go too far because I still loved her) so I finally THOUGHT I was getting over her. I hooked up with other girls, though they were basically just rebounds and honestly didn't feel much chemistry with.

So over the 3 months me and her talked every once in a while in texts, and we saw each other like once every two weeks because it seemed like she would only come around when she had nothing better to do. She would be all over me, and act like she wanted to be with me and we'd hook up and stuff but then she'd go another week or two of ignoring me or not saying much to me like she didn't care one bit. I knew she was talking to a guy (who apparently didn't want to date her but still had sex with her) and that was the reason she ignored me a lot of the time. She'd still say "I love you" every once in a while when we would see each other but it got to the point where that didn't mean much to me. She'd pretty much ALWAYS text me on the weekends late at night and say it and try to call me and stuff but I knew she was either drunk or just looking for sex (which isn't a problem) but I was trying to move on so most of the time I'd ignore her and talk to her the next day...

Ok, so here comes the crazy part. The other night she was texting me and talking about how she loves me so much and all this, and on her Facebook she put "I dont know what to do <3" and I asked her who that was about and she said about me and all. So we saw each other that night, had sex and talked for hours and it felt like we were so close again. I actually asked her out again, and she said not right now but she wanted to be "something" like we were talking again so I said OK whatever. So that night we talked on the phone for hours, talking about everything and how much we still love each other and how much she's missed me and we talk about possibly being together soon. I asked her about the other guys and she said there was nobody else she was talking to (though I had trouble believing this). She even puts "in a complicated relationship" with me on her Facebook. She even texted me the following morning saying "good morning baby" and stuff like that and was texting me like CRAZY in the morning while she was in class. Then all of a sudden that afternoon the texts stop, she ignores me, and when I text her she gives me the short answers again and then completely ignores me. I called her a few times and texted her but no answer, I go online and see she changed her status back to single. Now I finally get a response from her like a day later and she says she's just "confused" and swears there is no other guy she's just "confused'. I don't believe that for a second, and I honestly think the other guy that she was messing around with must of said something or gave her attention so she is back on him again?

Seriously, this is absolutely driving me crazy. I gave it a shot with this girl because she seemed mature for her age, but I guess i was very wrong. I love her so much, and I opened up my feelings to her again the other night because I thought she was really there for me. I don't understand how somebody could do something like this, it's like a game but I don't think she realizes what she's doing. Everytime I start to get over her, she contacts me and I end up feeling for her again. She literally went from "I love you baby" and all to ignoring and all within 24 hours.

I have a huge feeling what I thought was correct. I think she just wasn't getting what she wanted from the other guy she left me for, so she came back to me and though I still think she has feelings for me she obviously has a stronger thing for him. What can I do? I know I need to get over it and move on and just ignore her, but it's not that easy. Any tips, advice or common stories that would help me feel better would be appreciated. I still love her so much, but I feel like I want someone to just punch her in the face sometimes because of the mind games she plays.

[Fiona2003]

I definitely hear she's hurting you by not making a decision. And I know, it is hard to protect yourself from an ex. People are mostly NOT built to turn their feelings off and on like light switches.

What I think is going on is she's testing things out. Mostly for herself, trying to figure out what she wants. BUT... a mature person would say "Listen, I am really confused right now. I need time to decide. Let me call you in two weeks." There could be many factors with 17 year old girls: idiot friends giving bad advice, Cosmo Girl articles, pregnancy scares (girls that age tend to wig out if their period is only 1 day late), movies & other media influences, a parent (that she either listens to or is desperate to rebel againse), etc.

The one thing you can be assured of is that IT IS NOT YOU!

Your desire to punch her in the face is a defensive mechanism. Listen to the sentiment your mind is telling you - "I've had enough of the mind games!"

If you feel strong enough to ignore her for 2 weeks, do that. If you are not strong enough, change your e-mail and cancel your Facebook account. Get a new e-mail and make a new Facebook account under that e-mail. Change your cell phone number or ask your cell phone provider to block her from calling you.

You got to give yourself a break, mate. A good break to have good times with your friends and family. People you can be "real" with. Go to a game or a concert. Something where you can yell and cheer and get it out would be cool. Have a talk with someone in your family who's been married a long time, maybe your grandma?

There's lots you can do, but it should be about you. If after that, you feel ready to face her again, you will be stronger and maybe her mind games will have stopped or will have no effect on you.

I feel so bad for what's going on. I had a serious relationship too when I was still in school (dated a guy for almost 3 years back when I was 16) and it hurt like hell when he broke up with me over some girl who dated him for like a month and he wanted me back like old times when she was gone. It was hard to tell him it was over and that I had moved on. He even came back years later (twice!) to try to start things again. It was a case of too little too late. I felt bad for him, but we just weren't a good fit.

Hope any of this rambling answer helps you out! Good luck!

[talaniman]

Your instincts are right, and you just need the right motivations to set yourself free, and heal.

Read the stickies in this forum, and get some insights, and good suggestions, for some steps to take. There is a link in my signature.

It all starts with you being tired of the games, and reclaiming your dignity, and self respect, by having no further contact with her at all. No texts, calls, email, or Facebook.

Easier said than done, but the rewards are worth it to be free.

[DazT]

Sounds like my girl mate. We just have to stop contacting them and ignore them when they contact us, because my ex and your ex are young.. immature and care about no one but themselves!