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CaliMaddies · Oct 27, 2008, 08:07 AM

I have one amazing best friend, but I don't see her often at all because she works so much and I'm in school but we have been friends for almost seven years and I've never found another person like her. But while I'm here at school I've noticed that I can't make friends. Everyone here seems to not include me, but it's not it a mean way. Im just forgotten a lot and not thought of. My roommate gets calls from people everyday wo are susposed to be my friends too, but she just leaves without inviting me anywhere they go. Its like I have to force myself to hang out with them, but then it gets awkward, so I don't ask where she is going anymore, or try to make plans with anyone.

Meanwhile my other friend that I made here at school that I figured we were going to end up really good friends. We hung out a lot and laughed a lot a stupid stuff, but she is also rejecting me in some way. We still talk but its like she's slowely distancing herself with this other girl who is of her race, culture and religion. I ended up leaving for my sisters house one weekend because I noticed this was making me really upset and sad.

Not only is this happening here but I found that people act the same way back when I was in high school, minus the part of rumors going around about me. I say to myself it's just immaturity or they just aren't my kind of people to be around, but all my friendships here seem to start really well but then it seems like no one cares anymore. Im not a depressed person at all, I'm very happy and upbeat most of the time, but this is really making me feel like I'm alone here at school.

Why can't I find a good friend!!

starbuck8 · Oct 28, 2008, 11:09 AM

It's hard to say. Is it possible you come on too strong, or expect too much too soon? Do you call them and suggest things to do, or do you wait for them to call you?

Do you have any activities outside of the school environment? Do you play sports? Any hobbies? Do you like to go to church? Maybe you could do some volunteer work a few hrs a week. and meet people that support the same causes or interests as you? The more you put yourself out there, the more people you will meet, and you are bound to find some friends.

Good luck! :)

sylvan_1998 · Oct 28, 2008, 12:22 PM

I think Starbuck hit it on the nose. I too have trouble making friends and it is because I am very choosy and then I come on kind of strong. I would work on making many more friends and think of them as aquaintences. Let these aquaitences fill your time and from this pool, choose a few close friends. Remember you have to be a friend to have a friend.

lady_rose · Oct 28, 2008, 02:14 PM

I have this problem too, when I was in school I was outgoing and lots of friends. I have friends at work too. But I hardly know anyone in my neighbor hood, I don't get out much and I am 50 yrs old. SO get out and make friends, talk to people, be friendly and don't expect too much. Good luck

starbuck8 · Oct 28, 2008, 02:22 PM

I don't have much trouble making friends, they just either move, or they are very busy with their families. I did find in the past, that because I love animals, volunteering at the SPCA to walk the dogs, or just to give them playtime and help out, that I met a lot of people that way. People that have a passion for animals, are most often very caring friends also.

CaliMaddies · Oct 28, 2008, 09:37 PM

I have people that I guess I would call aquaintences but I'm looking for someone who wants a deep friendship, haha kind of sounds like I'm looking for a relationship.

I do put a lot into meeting people, I do a lot to show that I can be a friend, like give extra change when they need it for the bus/subway, buy lunch for someone if they forgot their card (as long as they say they will pay me back), make sure everyone is included, invite people out to go shopping with me or just ask if they want to go downtown, and just be plain nice to everyone.

But no one returns the favours. Ive talked to my roommate about it. She doesn't know anything though. She said no one here has a problem with me, no one has ever said anything bad about me. So I guess I'm just being forgotten about?

A have been in sports while I've been in school, just one though, but the people I met, I guess, have other lives and friends too, most of them were 3rd and 4th year. They were nice to me, but just not the kind of people I could call good friends, if that makes sense?

Ive also done volunteering for random stuff on campus and outside of campus, but like I said the people I meet have other friends or are just to plain busy. I haven't really met anyone that I clicked with during those times though, just aquaintences that I see every now and then around campus.

CaliMaddies · Oct 28, 2008, 09:38 PM

I mean no one returns that favours as in no one askes me to go shopping with them, or to go get lunch with them or even hang out in general and do nothing. I never ask anyone for money, unless its an emergency.

starbuck8 · Oct 28, 2008, 09:56 PM

I'm not exactly what else to tell you then, other than to hang in there, and keep on meeting as many people as you can. It sounds like you are a very nice person, and would make a good friend.

Here's just another thought. I really don't know if this is the case at all, but could you possibly intimidate some of the people you try and be friends with? I know in a few cases when I had tried to make friends, and had a hard time, I found out later that people mistook my shyness for being snotty.

I had some tell me that because they thought I was pretty, that they were afraid to approach me, because they thought I was full of myself. This could also be the case if they think you are smarter than they are. Could they possibly be jealous? Do the guys pay more attn. to you than them? Again, just a thought.

I can't think of anything else to tell you right now. But, if you get bored and just want to chat sometimes, you can always join us in the "lounge." We get a little silly there sometimes, but it's all good fun. :)

spyderglass · Oct 28, 2008, 09:56 PM

Maybe they are just taking it for granted that YOU will ask them

CaliMaddies · Oct 28, 2008, 10:07 PM

I am shy sometimes, but sometimes when I'm in a room of a lot of people I guess I become quite, but only because I don't like talking over people so I just listen.

I know my ex told me a while back that his friends didn't really interact with me so much because I don't talk much, but I didn't like talking to them because they made me feel uncomfortable (bad memories, glad it's over).

I don't know, I do have one really great friend that I know ill always be friends with. We go back to elementary school, but like I said I don't see her much. Its weird, we both live in the same city, but she works will time and I have school mostly in the afternoon and into the evening so we never have time to see each other. Plus transportation is a hassle.

What is the lounge?

starbuck8 · Oct 28, 2008, 10:25 PM

It really could just be because of your shyness then. You could maybe try and think of things ahead of time, to talk about, before you do go out to socialize.

If you go to the homepage, and scroll down to the bottom, you will see Member Discussions. If you click on that, you will see where to click on for the Lounge. Right now, one of the places my friends and I go is to the Castle. It's a little hard to explain, but if you read through a little bit, you'll get the feel for it.

I've met several very close friends here on the site, and one in particular that only lives a matter of a couple hrs away from me. Many of us talk on the phone often, and even exchange gifts and so on. You're more than welcome to join us. :)