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summerskye08 · Oct 13, 2008, 04:47 PM

Hi, I am summer 39 years of age and married for nearly 8 years now. I have 2 kids both in primary school. My marriage has been on the rocks since our first year. My husband is a good bloke but has the tendency to abuse me verbally. Emotionally I am distress and coping every single day to make our marriage work for our kids sake because they adore their dad very much. As for me it is a daily struggle. I love my husband but recently I start to lose my interest in him due to frequent arguments and lack of communication. He has the tendency to blame me for not being able to find a job yet. We are struggling financially, I am looking for some part time jobs but so far unsuccessful, because of this we always tend to argue because he reckons I am not contributing anything in our marriage. It is so hard for me to accept everything he tells me. I feel very hurt with all those harsh words.
3 years ago I met a guy who's younger than me, I instantly felt a connection, until now I still see him but we just talk casually, we are not friends nor lovers, but I feel a strong emotional bond with him. He hasn't said anything to me except some nice compliments. He is really nice and I know he likes me but he is young and a bachelor and I don't want any involvement with him at all while I am still married though my feelings for hime gets stronger everyday. I am now so confused with what to do with my marriage. It has been a mess even before I met this guy. He has nothing to do with it. Though admittingly, I have emotionally connected with him through words (only) I am not intending to do any betrayal to my partner for I believe so much in keeping my dignity at least.
I just want to save our marriage for our kids sake but with that be the solution? I don't think counselling would still work for my partner is against it. I am doing it on my own I think. What do I need to do? I really want to move on and make the first step to be out f this relationship but is that the right thing to do?
Summer skye

talaniman · Oct 14, 2008, 08:29 AM

If your sure, and you do sound like you are, you see a lawyer, and start making arrangements to get a divorce, and support yourself.

Romefalls19 · Oct 14, 2008, 08:38 AM

Yep, if he is against counseling it seems he doesn't care about the marriage and time for divorce arrangements to be made.

JBeaucaire · Oct 14, 2008, 10:11 AM

Men never change anything unless they are motivated by actual loss or the real appearance of coming loss. You will have to divorce him or be well into the process if he's going to be motivated at all.

He may get better, but you may have to leave him for real to make it possible for him to do so.

summerskye08 · Oct 15, 2008, 09:25 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

If your sure, and you do sound like you are, you see a lawyer, and start making arrangements to get a divorce, and support yourself.

:) I reckon you are right, I have contemplated on doing it for such a long time but too coward to move on , but I know I could do it. Thanks for your advice.. :p

summerskye08 · Oct 15, 2008, 09:36 PM

Hi!
Would you know what the ratio is for children who are greatly affected by their parents divorce? I am so worried about the impact it might bring to my kids.. they are only 7 and 6 years. (boy and gril). How would I explain it to them? Please help!

talaniman · Oct 16, 2008, 12:09 AM

Sadly there are many children of divorce today, and honestly from what I have seen, they handle it much better than the adults. The key is getting love, and the right attention, from both parents.