[omega_red_08]

My girlfriend seems to be a bit spoiled. She constantly asks for me to buy stuff for her. She can't go 10 minutes without finding something that she HAS to have.

So far this month, she has wanted a trampoline, a black cat (for Halloween), clothes, a table so she can do artwork, and a vacation to Washington DC. I don't mind buying some stuff for her but I can't buy everything.

What's the best way to approach or end this subject?

[Fr_Chuck]

First I hope you are not, but merely saw, yes it would be nice to have it, ignore it, explain to her that she is making you feel guility for not being able to buy her everything.

[JBeaucaire]

She's just doing her job, getting the most bang for her buck, so to speak.

HER: "I really need this. Buy it for me?"
YOU: "I can add it to the list."
HER: "What list?"
YOU: "The list of things you want from me. You're keeping one for me, too, right?"
HER: "No, buy it NOW...!"
YOU: "Aww, can't do THAT. That would spoil the surprise."

Buying stuff for your girlfriend is fine, within reason. Even she can't make you pull out your wallet every date for GIFTS. That's just you being weak. But you be an attentive boyfriend and actually keep that list. And on appropriate occasions, buy her something from it. This way she knows you're paying attention.

She also knows your not a human ATM and won't/don't buy things on demand that aren't date-related (movie tickets, dinners, sodas, sundaes, etc.) This is good for her to know.

Once she realizes her "requests" will always go on "the list", the pressure is off you to buy and she can still be the cute-needy-girl. Let it be cute.

[omega_red_08]

I appreciate the responses. I try to buy her something that she wants whenever I can. The problem is that the gift she wants is always over $100.

She is the type of person that if she wrote down everything she wanted and you actually gave it to her, a few minutes later she could have another list ready for you.

When we first started dating I saw signs that she loved spending money and I even asked her if she dated me because of money. She said No and that I was poor (money-wise). She said if she didn't love me she wouldn't be with me. How can someone not be in it for the money; yet, spend as much as she can? Is it all my fault?

[JBeaucaire]

I said keep a list of the things she asks for and buy ONE thing off the list on appropriate occasions. Not buy EVERYTHING on occasions.

Birthday... a couple of things off the list.

Anniversary, one thing.

Christmas, graduations, promotions, getting engaged... one item.

I expect the list will end up with 100s of items on it. The point is you NEVER buy big "gift-level" items during a date. Never. You just add to the list. Who cares if the list ends up with 500 things on it? She's still only going to get one or two a year on appropriate occasions.

Once she gets used to THAT, you two will be fine.

[DrJ]

It sounds to me like you have, at one point, given her the upper hand. This is a tricky thing in a relationship. With many girls, once they realize they have the upper hand in a relationship, they will use/manipulate it to get what they want.

Basically, she knows (consciously or sub-consciously) that you feel you don't really deserve her... and that you will do whatever you can to make sure you keep her (buying her things, doing everything for her, etc) and you likely get very little in return.

You need to realize that you don't need to buy affection from women. A woman should feel lucky that you are with them.

I know.. this sounds a little sexist.. Im sure I may catch some flack for it but regardless, this is the truth.

If she wants a lot of stuff, she can get her a job. Plain and simple.

Take a stand. Don't be afraid.

[ylaira]

Just say "NO" and keep your word. She may be upset for 2-5 times but as time goes by, she will get used that when you say no, you mean it.

[omega_red_08]

I'll try to do the things suggested. I appreciate everyone's responses.

Sometimes I just get embarrassed when I tell her no because it's almost like saying no to a child. Sometimes she'll give me the guilt trip, storm off and on rare occasions throw a tantrum in public.

[DrJ]

If it were me, I would laugh it off, tell her she's acting like a child, and make her look and feel stupid.

Not saying that's the RIGHT thing to do... but I could see myself doing just that lol

[Lauralie_]

Honestly this girl sounds like a princess who has always got what she wanted and to her your just another credit card.

[omega_red_08]

DrJizzle, I don't know about your advice. I feel if I say that she'll think I'm verbally attacking her and it may make things worse.

Lauralie_, I kind of think she just sees dollar signs but she has reassured me that our relationship is about pure love and not presents or material things.

I just want one day to go by without her wanting me to buy her something. I've told her several times to use her own money to get her nails done, get that hair cut, or whatever else she wants. Then she gives me the guilt trip about she barely has enough money to pay her bills. She had a second job but quit because she couldn't physically handle all those hours. Just because I make more does that entitle her to more stuff?

[canuckdude]

I like the list idea.
I would also subtly point out that since she has such expensive tastes, perhaps she needs an extra job.

[Alty]

she has reassured me that our relationship is about pure love and not presents or material things.

Tell her to prove it by not asking you to constantly buy things for her.

Then she gives me the guilt trip about she barely has enough money to pay her bills

Then tell her that she'll have to save up for the things she wants or wait until her birthday or Christmas to get them.

Just because I make more does that entitle her to more stuff?

No it doesn't, but you teach people how to treat you. You keep buying so she keeps asking. You have to let her know that this isn't okay, that you have bills too and that you aren't made of money.

If she really loves you and not all the presents she's getting, she'll understand. If she gets mad then you'll know why she's sticking around.

Good luck.

[achampio21]

Hmmm, sounds like this girl has you wrapped around all of her fingers instead of just one. All of the gifts she wants are over $100! Can you say golddigger!

Does she EVER do anything for YOU? Has she EVER spent $100 on YOU? Does she rub your back? Shine your shoes? ANYTHING??

AND PLEASE don't tell me "she deserves all this stuff" Because you aren't teaching her anything. If you leave her tomorrow I will bet you that she won't go a week before you are replaced honey.

For your sake and your wallets, I hope she is EXTREMELY GREAT in bed or at oral. Otherwise you are just a sucker.

(I am a woman and I am married and I don't even expect more than a card on special occasions. My honey works everyday and the lights stay on and the heat and air works. I am happy with that.)

[omega_red_08]

Does she EVER do anything for YOU? Has she EVER spent $100 on YOU? Does she rub your back? Shine your shoes? ANYTHING??!

I guess she will OCCASIONALLY cook supper or clean her mess up. She likes to pop bumps on my back. Other than that, nothing.

She spent 80 bucks on some sex stuff for us one time and on my birthday she spent about $75 on some things.

[achampio21]

Well, then I guess you should try the list idea from JBeaucaire. But don't be surprised if when you quit buying her everything she wants when she wants it she leaves you. I hope that doesn't happen, and I wish you the best. Good luck to you!

[Gybites911]

I sugest you buy the things that r more important her.:)

[Leidenschaftlich für Wahr]

Its just going to get worse with time...

[talaniman]

What to do with the girl that wants it all?

Tell her to go get it, her darn self, and get the hell away from you, with that dumb Stuff!

Make me understand why you put up with this BS!

I kind of think she just sees dollar signs but she has reassured me that our relationship is about pure love and not presents or material things.

You believe that dumb line, with the evidence in front of you.

I just want one day to go by without her wanting me to buy her something.

Get rid of this Goldigger!!!!

I've told her several times to use her own money to get her nails done, get that hair cut, or whatever else she wants.

Get rid of this Goldigger!!!!

Then she gives me the guilt trip about she barely has enough money to pay her bills.

Get rid of this Goldigger!!!!

She had a second job but quit because she couldn't physically handle all those hours

Get rid of this Goldigger!!!!
.

Just because I make more does that entitle her to more stuff?

Get rid of this Goldigger!!!!

Sometimes I just get embarrassed when I tell her no because it's almost like saying no to a child.

Get rid of this Goldigger!!!!

Sometimes she'll give me the guilt trip, storm off and on rare occasions throw a tantrum in public.

Get rid of this Goldigger!!!!

Did make myself clear???????????????

[ZoeMarie]

In addition to what everyone else is saying, have you talked to her and said anything like, "I like to buy you gifts but when you ask me for them it kind of takes the meaning out of them. I can't surprise you if you're always asking."