[saph-1975]

Hi,I've been with my boyfriend for 9 years now,I have a 15 year old daughter who lives with us and he has a 12 year old son who lives with his mam,I was only 17 when I had my daughter and I am 32 now my boyfriend is 39.He has always known that I wanted to have another child,at first he said it wouldn't be fair on his son but his son has brothers and sisters and calls my daughter his sister he has never been jealous that my daughter lives with his dad and now he's older he would understand better,I have never regretted having my daughter so young I wouldn't change her for the world.My boyfriend says he doesn't want a baby,he says if I got pregnant he would leave me his ex got pregnant without his consent and he didn't leave her for that reason I feel like he mustn't love me as much as he says,he has had something with his ex that I will never be part of,I was young when I had my daughter and I would like to do it all again now knowing what to expect,I've always wanted I bigger family I was an only child and would have liked to have brothers and sisters,I was to young to have more than 1 child when ny daughter was born I now feel I am in a better position,I don't want to look back when its to late and yearn for a child,I fear I will resent my boyfriend,am I being selfish for wanting us to share a special time together,my body clock is telling me I need a baby,why doesn't he want me to have his child when he has a child with someone else,my friend says just do it but I want to do things properly this time round,I don't know if I should leave him for someone who wants the same as me or risk hating him when its to late.

[Alty]

You're not being selfish, but either is he. You cannot force your wishes on someone else and expect them just to go along with it.

You may regret not having another child, but he may regret having one. Either way, no matter what you choose, someone will have to comply to the others wishes.

My question is this, do you love him enough to give up the dream of another child? Do you want a child more than you want him? Do you think it would be fair to get pregnant when you know he doesn't want another? If you do get pregnant on purpose and he leaves, would you be okay with that?

As a couple you have to discuss this, calmly, rationally. Speak your mind and let him speak his. If you can't come to an agreement, then it's time to reconsider your position. If you cannot accept that you will not have another baby with this man, then perhaps it's time to find someone else.

Good luck.

[ylaira]

Either he's not that financially confident to support many kids all together or he doesn't like the inconvenience of havign a baby around.

You've been together for 9 years and this must have been discussed early on. You never talked about marriage too? I believe your gut tells you right. All you have to do is decide now.

[talaniman]

He doesn't want another child, and as a man, I can understand that.

Especially given the ages of the ones you have now. It's a bit worrisome you equate his love with a willingness to have a child, and just because his ex did it, well they are not together are they?

Doubt he changes his mind. So the real question is, do you think this is a deal breaker, and what are your chances a man will accept the kids, you have now, and want a baby to go with it?

Is this a good reason to turn the lives of your own children upside down?

Seems to me family size would have been discussed already, before getting together but after 9 years, that's a tough one to call.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, I would guess he is looking ahead where the kids are gone. He most likely does not want to start a new family over again.

[JBeaucaire]

Hope no "accidents" happen... cause then you'd all just have to be grownups, huh?