[Kristina Mo]

I am a single mom of a wonderful daughter. By wonderful I mean that she has a great heart, never brought about any problems, did well in school, never broke the house rules and so forth.

I raised her on my own. She has always had the nessesities in life.
I am now a school teacher, and throughout her growing up K-7th grade I was super active in her schools and classrooms.

This year in Feb she turned 18 and did not come home.
We had made plans to go to Mexico and take a few of her friends with to celebrate her turning 18. We went to dinner ( sushi) and took a few of her froeinds eearlier in that week.
She turned 18 on a nMonday and that Friday was our Mexico trip. She did not come home. I only received a text that said" leave me alone Im 18 and Im not coming home."

I text back and no response.
SHe was still in high school.
I went to her work and her manager told me I needed to leave or they would call the police to have me removed because she did not want to talk to me. I stayed for dhours and she did not speak to me. I finally left. I went to the school and they said that I was removed from her school records and since she was 18 I was NOT privy to any of the information.
It has been over 7 mo and NO WORD from her. I don't understand what Is going on. I know that I was not a perfect mom but my goodness, no person deser ves to be treated this way.
I left town and now live in another state, I call usually weekly and of course she doesn't answer. I do leave a message telling her that I love her and asking her to call.
I have left some upset and some very casual hey what's going on how is life type of messages. I have yet to hear a word.

I am devistated. She is my only child. She is living with an x girlfriend of mine that doesn't speak to me. I am lost.. Should I stop calling?

[AKaeTrue]

No kind of blow out between the two of you at any point?
Think back and try to figure out where this behavior could have stemmed from.
An argument or disagreement of some type? Anything?

[sylvan_1998]

Do not stop. People come and go in a persons life and she has not had time to experience that. She is probably being influenced by those with bad relationships with their parents and those wanting to maybe hurt you. Just be a constant in her life. Offer support (emotionally and maybe even some financial support) and I know sooner or later she will contact you.

Good luck!

[jaime90]

I also moved out of my house about a month ago when I turned 18. I did it because I now have freedom that my parents would try to take from me if I lived in the house. I haven't gone out and completely rebeled from what they taught me. I always grew up under their control being homeschooled and living in a strictly Christian household, everyone doubted I would move away. Homeschoolers especially have huge problems with this- the kids are perfect throughout their school years when their parents control them, and then as soon as they turn 18, they go the opposite direction.

Keep calling, but don't overdo it. If you leave a voice mail or end up talking to her, don't sound intimidating, and don't bring up anything that could've caused this. When she gets sick of not talking to you, she'll answer your calls.

[ScottGem]

Obviously something went on that you did not see. Something you did alienated her. Its clear that she researched her emancipation and put it into operation as soon as she turned 18.

So your problem is finding out what you did and how to repair it. There are only two ways I can think of to find out why she left. One way is to write her a letter stating that you love her and you have no idea why she has dropped out of your life. If she will explain why she did so, maybe you can work on reconciling. The other way is to enlist the help of a third party; clergyman, friend, teacher, etc. that will act as an intemediary.

[liz28]

I think it's best that you stop contacting her. You expressed and tried connected with her. Sometimes people need space. You might not have done nothing wrong and you stated she is staying with an ex friend of yours that you no longer speak to so who knows what is being said.

Sooner or later she will come around but it will be when she's ready regardless of what you say. She will realize what she is doing is wrong and will come around. The only problem is that you don't know when. Does she speak to any realatives? If so, can you find out through them the reasons? This is strange for a child to cut their mom off like this.

[ScottGem]

Sooner or later she will come around but it will be when she's ready regardless of what you say. She will realize what she is doing is wrong and will come around.

I'm afraid I mostly disagree with this. The only thing I agree with is, if she comes arounds, it will be when she's ready.

But I'm not as confident as you that she will come around. This was not a spur of the moment thing. It is clear that she researched this and had a plan of action that she implemented as soon as she turned 18. This speaks of long term planning. I think it also indicates that she is willing to do without her mother's influence in her life. So I don't think she considers that she has done anything wrong.

I do agree that the OP needs to move on and not try so hard to contact her. I think one last attempt like I suggested and then wait it out, hoping, as she matures, she might see whatever she thinks her mother did in a better light.

[liz28]

My comment about she will come around when she realize what she's doing is wrong meant she will realize cutting contact with her mother is wrong. I was raise if there is a problem then talk about it instead of running away. There was times when I thought my mother was unfair or being mean just because but when I got older and reflect on my past I realized and see what my mother meant and see she was doing it for my own good. She's young and just turned 18 and unless she was abused, neglected, or anything else out the norm cutting comunication with your mom isn't right. Oneday she will realize that and hopefully form some sort of relationship with her mom. That's part of growing up and everyone learn from their mistakes. Me and my mom have disagreements all the time but I'd never cut her from my life.

[spyderglass]

When I graduated from high school I was 17, I moved out got a job and went to school full time. I hardly ever spoke to my parents because I felt they were trying to hold me back from what I was doing. My mom wrote me letters every so often, but if I stayed at her house for one night I felt constricted, like I was 15 years old again and I wasn't allowed to be an adult. A year later I started speaking to them again, they started treating me like an adult and we no longer had any problems. And now that I have a child of my own, I realize how hard it was for my parents to 'let go'. But my father is a preacher and I wasn't allowed to spend time with my friends and do 'regular' teenager things. Therefore, when I graduated, I hit the road. They let me go, and gave me my space- that is why I came back. I did appreciate it when my mom sent me letters. I never sent one back. But I told her later on-

[ScottGem]

She's young and just turned 18 and unless she was abused, neglected, or anything else out the norm cutting comunication with your mom isn't right.

Ah but there's the rub, we don't know what on between them. We are only hearing one side of the story. I totally agree that cutting yourself off from your mother or your family in general, is not right in normal crcumstances. But we don't know the circumstances.

I have to look at the fact that this was obviously something the daughter researched and planned. That this was not some spur of the moment action. Therefore, I have to feel that something happened between them that the mother is either in denial about and just doesn't have a clue about. Either way, I'm not about to opine that the daughter was wrong without knowing her side of the story.

Moreover, I feel we would be doing a disservice to the OP to tell her that she is in the right. I think the only thing that will get them back together is for the OP to understand why the daughter did what she did. Until she does and can deal with whatever spurred the daughter, its unlikely, In my opinion, that any reconciliation can occur. Maybe, at some point the daughter will relent and explain, but I can't guarantee that.

[liz28]

I never stated the op was in the right. Actually, my first post was based on if the OP done nothing wrong because I didn't want to repeat the same thing as everyone else prior to me. Now once she reflects on everything she will get her answers but if she did nothing wrong she at least tried to reconnect with her daughter.

Advice is given to everyone that comes on here based sorely on their side of the story. You will never hear the other side so you can only hope what the person wrote is the truth.

[ScottGem]

I never stated the op was in the right.

Didn't say you did.

Advice is given to everyone that comes on here based sorely on their side of the story. You will never hear the other side so you can only hope what the person wrote is the truth.

Generally, I agree. We can only base our responses on what we are told by the OP. That doesn't mean we need to take what they say as gospel. I've seen several instances, where the story told by the OP has a bunch of holes in it and the advice given is not supportive of the OP because of that.

Again, going by what the OP has told us, I have to conclude that the daughter's actions were well researched and given due consideration. That then tells me that there is some reasoning behind her actions. Whether the problem between the OP and her daughter is real or imagined we can't know. But I believe we can infer that there is a significant issue in her mind.