[Trunks420]

Well I am just amazed at the help you people are posting. It is helping a great deal right now. But I thought I would throw my story in the mix seeing how I am still dealing with the pain and any advice would be welcomed. So I guess I will sum it up as best as I can.

Well in the beginning, I was friends with this girl during high school, not much there just hanging out with mine and her mutal friends doing what high school kids do. This was when we were about 16 and 17 years old. Well time goes on, we stay friends keep in contact here and there for a few years. She winds up having a beautiful baby girl with an ex-boyfriend of hers in which he has nothing to do with the baby. She still not on my radar as someone who I wanted a relationship with. So about 3 years ago she starts coming over to my house. At the time she had just one thing on here mind.. sex.. Which was fine with me. I still didn't consider her someone to have a relationship with.

So this "friends with benifits" went on for a few months. Then something happened,she wanted a relationship with me... :eek: I still didn't want a relationship with her. But she kept on and on. Persistent . No matter what I told her... she would not give up...

Then something really weird happened... One night we went out with some friends of mine from work.. Well one of the guys I worked with wanted this girl... Then it was like a ton of bricks hitting me in the head.. I was jealous..? How could this be?.

But it was true,it was like I was running from it and ignoring it, but I knew right then and there I had feeling for this girl... So anyway I decided to be with her. Slow at first (well I guess as slow as you can get considering what we have already been doing).

But eventually she and her daughter moved in with me. Things were great.. We never fought, no bickering about stuff. Just happiness..

I learned how to become a father which is awsome! I accepted her as if she was my own. Well anyway , after a year of living together I get a promotion from work We uproot and move 16 hours from home to VA . Things were going good there. Until about 2 or 3 months ago. I started hatting my job. I got despressed. I started playing on this stupid game called WOW too much. I suppose it was my exscape from dealing with work.

I basically was a mess. But I still thought things were going good. My thinking was " I love her, She loves me." We were engaged to get married. So I had no clue that anything was wrong..

Until we moved back home... Only after 1 week of being back home. We had our "discussion" I saw that she had been writing this guy in Texas that we knew from the WOW. And he was filling her head with all the stuff shark normal say. She said "He understands me."?? You don't even know this guy... He does even know you...

So anyway she packs her stuff up and goes to here moms house.. Saying that she need time and space... I said OK... But I thought I was funny that if you just needed a few days.. why are you taking all of your stuff?. So I tried the NC approach... Hopping that she will come too... Wrong... Doesn't happen... During this time I was giving her "space" This other guy was talking to her.. Saying " the right things and asking all the right quesions"... So I left town I went to a friends house up north... Well a few days pass and I was thingking that I couldn't just give up.. So I wrote to her, opened my heart to her like I never had before... My reply from was that " She was done." "And that shes moving away to a family members home." I knew right then what she was doing..

So I call her the next day and talk to her, trying not to be a fiancé or boyfriend, but as friend... I asked her to tell me the truth... She did, she was going to move to this guys apartment in Texas..? This shark, this scab.. I know how these guys work, I have seen enough of them to know.. I tried to get her to see reason in this... She was running away from the problems from her past that haunt her... Well she finally saw through his game that he was playing (thank god)...

She wrote me an email one night. Things I never knew about her. Things she has had happen to her in her past. Things she didn't want anyone to know about... So I can understand why she is the way she is now... But now our relationship is on the brink... if not already over the brink.. Since that day she told me those things I have seen her everyday.. Well it be going on for a week now, we have talked, She gives me hope when Im around and destroy's the hope when Im gone... She doesn't know what she want, she knows she loves me, but its like she is stuck in a depression stage or something... She wants to deal with her past. She wants to become a great mother. She say she want to get her independence. To find her-self.

She wants to figure this all out, but I can't just leave her alone by herself to deal with it..
Im still her friend... I still care for her... I still feel like I need to be there for her...

I just don't know what to do...

[BrewCrew0981]

Tough situation, mate. It'll be tough as all hell, but you just have to let her go man. You can't make her stay. She's made up her mind. If she finds her way back, she'll be lucky if you haven't moved on. She is taking the risk here, not you.

[theshores]

I agree with Brew... this girls sounds like she is a wreck. No disrespect, I know that you love her but you have to let her go! She needs some counseling, I can only assume what things have happened in her past which has led her to this point. She won't be able to love you the way that you deserve until she loves herself. And she can't begin to love herself until she has time to herself. Just make sure her daughter is in safe care. Who knows what could have happened if she left for Texas with that flea bag man!

[jjwoodhull]

Sorry for your situation, but it sounds like you have been a good boyfriend and a good father. You need to let her do her thing. Maybe with a little time she will come to her senses.

[Trunks420]

Thanks guys for the words...

You know someone should create a " let her go pill" so it would be just that easy to let go..

But since I have been here reading some of the post people have made, its seem that a lot of women go through this at some point in a relationship... But also I was going to try the NC approach again, Because there is nothing I can say or do to get them back... I didn't do this... she has... and if Im still in the picture I feel its never going to get better...

You know it still hurts a lot, but there is some peace that once you come to realize that...
Its like someone said I can't heal if I still have hope in something that may never be..

[BrewCrew0981]

Hang in there, man. You'll go through many phases. One day you'll believe you can win her back, and will think up all these crazy schemes in your head. It's those days that are the hardest.

Stick with it. It's going to be extremely hard, I know it. My ex wanted to go mess around with other people (and currently is) because she has only ever been with me in her life.

When you are hurting the most, confused, down or sad, just come here and post it out. We're all hear to listen and help out.

[talaniman]

I hope you pay attention to what these guys are saying, as they are telling you the truth from their own experience.

As bad as the feeling of fixing stuff ,and making it work, thats not what your partner wants, and the only thing you can do is give her what she wants, and take some time for you to get what you need, and that is to move on, and take care of yourself.