[GoldStarLez]

Hi,
Im 27 year old female who has been dating my partner for the last 2 1/2 years. About 1 year ago my partner and I were at one of her friend's party and I was a little upset that night because I had a fight with my mom (shes doesn't accept me being gay) but I decided to go ahead to the party with my girlfriend as planned. My partner name is Danielle. One of Danielle's long time friend came into town to visit her husband's family. Danielle and her friend have been friends for 10 years and she helped delivered Danielle's baby girl. They have a sexual history. Danielle told me they never had a romantic relationship they have always been friends but admitted they were sexual with each other in the past. So anyway back to that night when me and Danielle were at the party her friend and her were drinking and smoking weed just partying having a good time. When Danielle's friend told Danielle to go outside with her. I was inside the house eating and chatting when I noticed Danielle wasn't around.. I went around looking for her and didn't find her. When later I asked her where she was she admitted that her friend and her were making out.. nothing sexual happened. This upsetting me. She said that her friend was trying to convince her to make out and fool around with her and danielle did kiss her but she said nothing more happened that she stopped it because she was in relationship with me. I have forgiven Danielle for what happened but it BOTHERS me that Danielle is still friends with her friend because she disrespected out relationship. I'm hurted that Danielle didn't do anything about it. Danielle has told me it was a mistake but she still hnags out with his friend ad chats with her on the phone. All this bothers me because how can Danielle be friends with someone who has no respect for US as a couple. What should I do? Should I tell danielle to pick me or her friend?

P.S Danielle and I are in a serious committed relationship.

[JBeaucaire]

OK. Well your serious committed partner not only still has feelings for her old flame (like we all do if we're honest)... she's also willing to entertain those feelings in the real world (unlike the rest of us.)

That's good info to have, don't you think? Your forgiving her for making out with her ex is fine, but "making out" IS sexual contact.

If someone kisses you, that's not making out. Making out is two people kissing on EACH OTHER. So, you already know it was a mutual moment.

Risking a speech (forgive me), smoking weed and partying in the manner you've described is counter to a committed relationship. If you don't want to accept that fact, just remember this party. Always remember this party.

So, now you know. You have to live in this relationship. Promises of future fidelity... um, OK. You can believe those promises if you want. But you best not believe blindly.

As Ronald Reagan once said, "Trust, but verify."

I'm sorry, but to stay together now means you're going to have to play chaperone, too. You can do that, and I guess you should.

Make sure you are clear with your partner about that. She is the one who strayed, don't let her keep making the assertion that "nothing happened"... it sure as heck did. And you're forgiving what DID happen, and for years to come now you are accepting your role as chaperone to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Since she supposedly loves you and is committed to you (? ), she should be OK with this.

[talaniman]

If you were as committed as seriously as you say, you would have better understanding of the boundaries for proper behavior, between you two. You both would know where the lines is drawn. I wouldn't be so quick to forgive, without a lot of clarification of the rules.